I had an accident at work that damaged my spine beyond western healing, even though they tried, operations, and spinal injections, plus more operations to come. Extreme depression set in, suicide was a daily thought, my job let me go for being out sick too long, my wife divorced me because she said she could not withstand my depression.
So now I was alone for about a year, I started making friends but I was on 120 mg oxy and 120-180 mg morphine, plus valium 20 mg so it was difficult to do, I had good days and bad days and I saw no end in sight.
Then 11/02/2006 Saturday a game for the computer, ink for the printer, and quite a bit of photo paper. I planned to print many of my artistic photos, after I burned them all to CD. Maybe frame a few and put a bunch in a look book to drum up some business.
Things were looking up but in a worldly way. Then I woke up Saturday morning eyes filled with tears and my calf muscles in extreme pain. Plus my legs and spine was in unbearable pain and paralyzed just a purely unusable body and mind (this was a typical morning for me for more than a year). I have tried acupuncture, physical therapy, therapy, healings, massage, meditation anything I could try I did.
I reached over, grabbed my daily pill bottle, and shot it in my mouth. Then I looked in the mirror and opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue, I saw over a dozen narcotic pills. I just shut my mouth and swallowed took a swig of water. Not much went through my head I knew that it was too much but I did not really care at all, I waited about a twenty to thirty minutes and feeling bad and backed out and, I decided to call 911.
They spoke to me about amounts I took, why I took them, how the surgery went, just some vague questions, that to tell you the truth I do not remember that clearly, but all of a sudden I started hearing sirens in the distance slowing getting closer. I took too many medications, the officers came in and I was very compliant, we went over everything with the medics then we were walking to the ambulance, that's when things were getting a little fuzzy. During the trip, I must have been dosing off and I am not sure but I instantly slumped dead, I was dead and in full cardiac arrest. They were pounding on my chest. I was a code three. I was vaguely remembering a tech waking me by touching my chest.
I saw myself from above. I watched a hand push a tube down my throat then the back of the two technicians heads and my body, then a metal tin like the bottom of a bread box and everything was calm then as if a sudden shock to my system I felt like I was in dumped into ice water. I then woke up in the hospital naked I was fighting for my life. It felt like I had ten people holding me down I was freezing and vomiting horribly.
I finally regained my composure and they had me cuffed to the bed, my arms and legs, there was an armed guard at the door peaking in on me every three minutes. I spent the night and most of the next day admitted to the hospital in the cardiac department; I spoke with a few physiologists and doctors and they removed the three day suicide hold on me and let me go home.
I have no way to explain my feelings but they are pouring out of me, Is this normal? Am I short circuiting? Was I dreaming all of this? Should I seek help? Can you please give me some insight on this situation? I will do anything to help me focus and enhance what is happing to me.
Date NDE Occurred: 11/2/06
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) . Overdose.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I saw the top of the ambulance. Then after the event for about a day I was very aware.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I saw the top of the ambulance. Then after the event for about a day I was very aware.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Just as time had no meaning. All was floating like in water.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? I saw myself from above, starting from the face or head and moving up.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? On and off I heard my name and sounds of the paramedics, then silence.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Very calm, clearness, at ease.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I just felt a purpose about all beings, I felt to understand everything if I was asked. Even afterwards.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Divorce. Ten year marriage.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes What happened, what did I see, was it real, how can I refine the experience and work on the energy created by it.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Just the clarity of it all, how can I reproduce it without trying to kill myself again.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? No
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I felt its presence in myself I could predict things coming up, I just knew what was going to happen next for weeks after.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I want to learn more, I would love to experiment in reproducing the affects.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No