I had gotten stuck on a very large rope swing near a friend's house, my shoe was stuck in the loop and the harder I pulled the more my shoe came off. I was suspended twenty-five feet in the air and the only thing holding me up were my arms that were quickly getting tired. If my hands let go, and my foot still stuck, it would flip me upside down I would fall twenty-five feet straight down head first to the ground. As my fingers slipped further and further, I kept trying to pull my foot free and at the last second, my shoe came off and my hands slipped to the very bottom of the rope. My heart racing and my palms sweaty from that narrow escape I started plotting my descent, looking for a safe landing site free of debris.
Thinking to drop feet first, but now with only one shoe I favored my right foot so as I fell I landed with both feet and both hands hitting the ground at the same time. It had only felt like my ankles and wrists were sprang, but I kept not looking at my right hand, as if I unconsciously knew something was wrong. Then I did a triple take staring at my right arm, I thought it was a branch and wondered how I landed so close to it because I made sure the area was clear. I then spent several minutes tracing and re-tracing the thing back to my shoulder in disbelief. It didn't hurt; therefore, it cannot be true. Even at that time, I could only suspect the nerve was severely pinched off. I had cleanly dislocated my right hand, at the wrist, from my arm with the skin stretched so tight it was translucent and you could clearly see the bones in the joints. As I slowly lost my composure I tried to keep myself busy, looking for my shoe, trying to keep from getting dirt all over myself, find my shoe and attempting to put it on, all without trying to move my arm a millimeter.
I kept trying to get to my knees and I couldn't do it without moving my arm so after fifteen minutes of frustration I moved it slightly.
Suddenly I was washed over with a sickness in my gut, like I was going to throw up. Then I started gagging like I was dry heaving, but then it didn't stop/relax and kept intensifying over the next several minutes. Until the gagging was so intense that my tongue was clearly visible six inches out of my mouth like a cartoon and then suddenly it folded over and I swallowed it. The pain only kept intensifying, and I kept telling myself it hurts but it will relax then I'll be able to take a breath finally. I kept waiting, realizing I had swallowed my own tongue but still thinking I would be fine, but then I started to think what if it doesn't stop. Like an internal clock that had been ticking, waiting the usual time for a moment for a breath from vomiting was up, I started to get concerned. I can only guess how long I waited till I started getting desperate, I tried to use my good hand to physically pull my tongue out by trying to shove my fingers in my mouth, but the shuddering of the convulsion was too violent by then and I only poked myself in the eye very hard, seemingly blinding that eye. As I started to approach having gone longer than I had ever gone without breathing I started begging to live, pleading, bargaining, rationalizing that I'm too young. Also thinking of all the things, I wouldn't get to accomplish and see and do, of all of the people I would leave behind and seeing flashing images of them all in the blink of an eye. And a voice in my head that was mine but someone else was saying things, responding to all that I was saying, answering, explaining and questioning me in a calm tone, where I was anything but calm at that point. At this point, the pain was so bad now I couldn't stand it. The best of my recollection as my mind won't allow me to remember this part fully, I could feel all of my internal organs individually, crushing together painfully, my lungs felt as if they would explode. I went from begging to live, to begging to die quickly. Then I got calm and the panic fled from me, the pain was numbing but my body was still rigid as a statue at that point as if I couldn't move an inch even if I wanted to.
As the voice in my head, that wasn't my own, said its final words, 'Besides what do you have to live for?'
I replied, 'Uh, nothing?' but it was as if I knew I was lying, as if the question wasn't actually poised to me, but my heart. My mind was a muddle but my heart was true. Again flashing images of everyone, I ever knew, then I saw a vivid image of a graveyard, very vibrant dark green grass, I think it was raining, and a large gathering of people dressed in black around an open grave, someone was being buried. I immediately knew it was my grave and I saw all those people feeling so terrible. I thought the pain I had been feeling was too much. But seeing those people, I couldn't bare it, it hurt me more than anything I could ever begin to imagine, all of their pain immediately became mine and all of the calm I had felt fled from me as quickly as it had come and a righteous fury like nothing I've ever known consumed me. I cursed everything, I cursed God himself and I furiously declared 'I won't let this happen! I won't let it!'
I then felt as if I was on fire, but not in a painful way. Again, another moment I have problems fully recalling, somehow I could then move for whatever reason and proceeded I believe to twist my arm and re-pinch the nerve so the pain and the gagging stopped and my tongue relaxed and came out as well. I then took my weak left arm, which I'm right handed, so I used my left hand like a hammer, struck my right wrist, and set the bones back into place. There was a still burning sensation from my right wrist but it was nothing after what I had just gone through. I still kept my right wrist perfectly still, but I just sat there. I don't know how long but I just sat there trying to maintain my sanity, trying to not believe what had just happened. Briefly thinking to myself this would make a great story, and then realizing I can never tell it to anyone and vowed to take it to my grave. Thinking, somehow knowing I shouldn't know what that is like, I shouldn't have knowledge of something like what I just experienced. Like an anchor, like a weight, a burden to carry. The burden of knowledge crushing me, almost driving me insane right there. Thinking I got to forget this, never talk about, the sooner I forget the better, I can't walk till I do. Seemingly, I succeeded. All I could hear was the chattering of an unknown amount of voices in my head, none of them making any sense but at the same time distracting me from forming any clear thoughts or actions. Finally, after a long time one voice started to drown them out, my own. 'Get up. Get up, it's not over. It's not over yet, get up!' Back to my house, I went praying someone would be home, thinking that was the end that the worst was behind me. I was wrong.
Date NDE Occurred: Unknown
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Other Between Life threatening and clinical death.
I had narrowly evaded certain quick death, only to fall into a painfully slow one.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I believe that part is self-evident in the story.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I believe that part is self-evident in the story.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain Voice inside my head.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear, Anxiety, Utter and Complete Hopelessness, Sorrow, Anger, Rage, Regret, Total serenity.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Words cannot describe, the wisdom, knowledge, foresight, humility, compassion, empathy, strength, courage.
Actually, things went downhill after the experience and took many years to, I wouldn't say overcome, but more like grow into what I had learned.
A saying I've come up with, you have to go through hell before you can recognize heaven.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Just déjà vu, ridiculously long bouts of déjà vu. Less and less the older I get.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That everyone is constantly at war with themselves. That we are our own worst enemies, we know all too well our own fears and our own weaknesses and we prey upon ourselves with that knowledge unconsciously manifested as our doubts.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Most friendships destroyed.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Thoughts and emotions beyond description and beyond full recollection. Knowledge, wisdom, and emotions far beyond my ability to understand or to formulate into words, as if these things could only be known if you personally experience them yourself. Even then, they only remain fully known subconsciously and affect you in ways you are not quite sure of. All of that, as well as part of it, being a severely repressed memory.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I believe the experience speaks for itself on this part.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain Fifteen years later and only partially, no one has ever heard the full story. I would always gloss over the really bad stuff. Until several years ago, no one ever knew I almost died.
But even then, they have no idea the extent of the whole experience and they never will.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had another NDE before this one involving a head injury and an out of body experience.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real Immediately after it happened I had already pushed the worst stuff out, only fifteen years later did I start to remember more.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I've had other NDE's to compare it to, but this one was a pivotal defining moment.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No This experience was unique.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I repressed the memory of the specifics of the injury, only remembering I had set the wrist after I had fallen and never really thought anything about it thereafter, until a certain conversation many years later.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Ask about defining moments, on a scale, how profound was this experience, etc.