Experience Description

I was feeling ill. I could not even swallow a typical tonsillitis infection. I had a fever of 100+ I have always been plagued with tonsil problems. Anyway, I thought I would just get some penicillin or a shot and be sent my way; but after the blood tests, the doctor on duty said that she would rather have me stay over for observation. I was in pain all night. So the next day after being on Rocephin an antibiotic and it was not clearing the swelling up she decided that I needed to have a tracheotomy and that I would have to have surgery. I was worried - I had a funny feeling that I was going to die. I was nervous. They told me everything would be fine. I remember that the following four weeks, I kept seeing the time 14:14 on my clock, which was weird, it happened various times I would be at work and I would look up and what would you know!?!? It was 14:14 or 2:14 pm anyway. Back to the story. Now all I remember was being anesthetized.

The next thing I know, I am still on my back at first it seemed like there was nothingness like I was on my back afloat and it was pitch dark. A very scary darkness. I remember I kept putting my hands in front of my face I could not see them or my body but I knew that they were there. Then I start hearing this low hum and it was like being underwater like when you are under and you can hear noise and it's muffled. That kind of thing. I was wondering why it was so dark. Nothing else mattered I could not remember anything prior to this. Not the surgery, anything, it was as if this was the only thing I could think of.

I then noticed that while it was pitch dark. It felt as if I was in a tunnel and all along the tunnel were doorways. But the whole tunnel, I could sense, was like being in a cave sort of rocky not too rocky but kind of smooth at least that's my impression of it. So then, I am feeling a little more afraid, like what's going on here? It felt like I was like that for an hour. Just there. Then I could see a pin point of white light in front of me in the distance the size of a pencil eraser head, that size. So, I sensed that I start moving in that direction; but it felt like something was pulling me there, I don't feel as if I was doing it. At this point, I was like floating to and upright position. Then going slowly towards that pinpoint of light. Then I knew that there were little doorways all along this tunnel and I felt that I could, if I wanted to, go into any of those doorways. I felt at the time that if I did I would not come back but my attention was on the light.

In an instant, I thought 'grandma'. And I was instantly in the light. I kept saying. 'You're not dead. I am not dead. You're not dead.' She said, 'No I am not and you are not either.' My grandmother had died three years prior but at that moment I could not remember that, just that she was not dead, and that she was so alive and well (she had died of dementia complications). She invited me to sit and have coffee like we used to all the time at her house. Her table was there, the chairs, she looked like she did when she was in her thirties. She had on a purple dress like a nice one she had with flowers on it. Except that, the flowers seemed to glow a florescent yellow. Then I noticed that there was a florescent light that emanated from the top of the room. I started feeling so good like. I can't describe it. Love, or like the first time you kiss. Electricity. Butterflies in your stomach, like the best drug. I don't know how to describe it, it felt so good. I then got a little panicky because I noticed that there was no light source; it was just there. That's when she touched my hand that I noticed that I looked down and could see my hand. It was there but it looked white almost florescent and she told me that it was all right (all this conversation was in Spanish by the way) and said, 'Let's drink the coffee.'

I did. But I notice that it was not hot and had no taste. It was lukewarm; but yet there was steam coming from it like it was hot, but it was not. It's like when you are sick and there's no taste. Anyway, I tell her that we (family) think of her every day. She stated that she knew. She knew that we loved her very much and she loved us. Then I noticed that the room was dome like. That in one section the left side of that domed room was as if a curtain and I saw my grandfather on my mom's side peek though. And I saw another lady. She was heavy-set, short with a long black ponytail. I wanted to say something and that is when my grandmother told me, 'You have to go you can't stay here. It's not your time.' I then felt terrible and started to cry. I told her, 'But grandma, I want to stay here.' It felt so wonderful I did not want to leave. I remember begging in Spanish, 'Please I want to stay with you, I never want to leave here.' She said, 'You will be back here when it's your time don't worry.' Then she said, 'Tell everyone I love them and think of them all the time.' At this point I was still saying 'But, but I wanna stay.' Then I heard this loud 'pop'. It felt like I was hit in the chest with a sledge hammer made of fire - I remember coming to and gagging.

I was on life support - all the tubes etc. I felt terrible. I noticed my dad was there and the rest of the family. I don't remember what happened next but I do remember telling him that I needed a paper I had to write something, 'I seen grandma.' I passed out again but wrote in Spanish this account that I just wrote about here. My dad has the note somewhere. I was getting worse. They had to life-flight me to Modesto. I was in the intensive care unit for two weeks. It was all a blur for me. I was in and out for the most part of the two weeks until the last couple of days.

I also remember when I came to when they life-flighted me to Modesto and I was in the intensive care unit. I could hear a choir but it sounded so angelic is the only way to describe it. I could not talk I had to write everything down. I asked the nurse, if someone had choir music on? She replied, 'No! It's not allowed in intensive care unit.' i.e. radios etc. I also told her that there were other people here. I felt as if family was there. She said no one had come in yet, but that they were on their way from Los Banos. It was very strange indeed.

Overall, I was lucky to be alive, let alone functioning. They said that I might not ever speak again or have brain damage because I was out for almost five minutes while they struggled to bring me back on the table. That's the gist of my story but I have paperwork medical records to prove what was so strange I coded at 2:14 pm! The same time I was seeing weeks before, how weird is that. I asked the nurses about this I told them what I saw and they said that it was probably due to the drugs and the trauma that occurred. I don't know. I believe it was real. Usually when people have surgery, they just wake up in the recovery room and don't see dead relatives. Anyway, that's my story.

I had another experience there in the Modesto intensive care unit when they took me to extract some teeth that were causing some of the problems. They put me under again for surgery and to put a smaller tube in. I remember saying, 'Hey. I'm not out yet!!!' the doctor could not hear I was but I was yelling!! I could see him come to do the extracting. Then I noticed that I was in the corner of the ceiling looking down on it; and I was like wow! I can go through these walls. I wanted to go to the waiting room, and then at that moment I awoke in the recovery room. I think this was more of an OBE. But later I saw some shadows - black ones, but the nurse said that it was due to the medication.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: December 3, 2001

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) While the operating staff tried to put in a tracheotomy tube. They popped an abscess that was near my molars and that and the fact that the tube was clogged made me go code blue. According to them, I was out for about four to five minutes as they paddled me to bring me back, twice I believe.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I could not perceive time. I could not think of anything else except the here and now aspect of it.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Once sitting with my grandmother at her table drinking coffee. We talked telepathically I did not see her lips move although she was smiling.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time was definitely off. It felt as if I was there for eight hours, but was actually out for four or five minutes.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did your vision differ in any way from normal? Everything seemed brighter I could see the colors that I saw more vividly; every detail was more pronounced.

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? At first it was if I was underwater, and I could hear a low humming a vibration. Then once I was where my grandmother was I was not hearing anything but just telepathically I would say and it was clear.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was a tunnel but it was pitch dark. I feel that it was underground. There was a humidness to it. The surfaces I feel where rough, like being in an underground cave or something to that effect.

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes After being in the darkness in the tunnel I saw a pinpoint of light far in the distance probably like about a football field length away. It was small then it started getting bigger as I was pulled towards it; but it all happened in seconds. Like I saw it, and then felt like my grandmother was there and then I was in it.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? At first it was kind of frightening due to the darkness. Then later, once in the room with my grandmother in that light, I felt wonderful there was no pain, only happiness. I did feel great sadness once I knew that I could not stay.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control But I felt like it's all about free will.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Christian non practicing

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I don't hold onto the western belief system anymore although I respect peoples' opinion to it. I just don't see it as heaven and hell with a devil and a god. But more of energy forces. I still do believe in both. Sounds weird huh? I now don't believe that Moses and the saints are waiting for you. I'm a nicer person now, before I was not so nice, I hated life to an extent, I'm so happy to be alive and am happy to know that we don't really die.

What is your religion now? Moderate more spiritual not so much following the religons aspect of it all.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I don't hold onto the western belief system anymore although I respect peoples' opinion to it. I just don't see it as heaven and hell with a devil and a god. But more of energy forces. I still do believe in both. Sounds weird huh? I now don't believe that Moses and the saints are waiting for you. I'm a nicer person now, before I was not so nice, I hated life to an extent, I'm so happy to be alive and am happy to know that we don't really die.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I am definitely more loving and I love life now more than ever.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I'm not sure but I did see lots of black shadows; felt things after for about four weeks later. I am not scared anymore of death; but I do feel that I might be more intuitive now. I feel things more, like if I walk into certain buildings I can feel a heaviness, I am sure there are spirits there, sounds crazy but I even bought a digital recorder and have been recording and have results to prove it.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Seeing my grandmother and knowing that she is not dead and that we don't die. It was as if as if I always knew it but was in shock. I kept saying, yelling, 'Really, I'm not dead, you're not dead, I'm not dead.' My grandmother had to calm me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it right away. They accepted it especially when I wrote that letter when I was in the recovery intensive care unit. I don't remember writing it and especially not in Spanish, I generally don't write in Spanish, and my dad said that it was exactly like my grandmother would write.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard of it before but it was all like a tunnel of white light and stuff a couple of stories of that years ago but never really thought of it or believed in it till this happened to me. I am definitely a believer now.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real. At first I thought it had to be a dream but then a few days later thinking of it and much soul searching I knew that it was very real. I tried to deny it at first, put it off as a dream, but it was so very real I could not.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I feel deep down in my soul that it was real this really happens every day to lots of people it's just not talked about.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No Not yet but if you know of one drug or whatever can make me get there and have that feeling please tell me!!! lol.