Experience Description

As I mentioned earlier, during the miscarriage I started passing large clots and started feeling weaker and weaker to the point where I couldn't walk much more than a few steps without having to stop and rest. My mother had asked her friend Mary to come over because she had suffered a couple of miscarriages and thought it would be better to have someone there that sort of knew what to expect.

At one point, I needed to walk to the bathroom, which felt like it took me forever because of how little energy I had and how many times I needed to stop and rest. Mary followed me into the bathroom. While I was sitting on the toilet I suddenly felt very light headed and feverish. I felt like my temperature had suddenly spiked. I felt like I was going to pass out. I remember trying to get Mary's attention by raising my arm and saying her name. I tried to raise my arm twice but didn't have the strength to raise it more than a couple inches. But I do remember saying her name twice although I don't know how loud I was because she didn't seem to respond.

The next thing I know I'm looking down on myself in the bathroom. I can see myself sitting there on the toilet with Mary squatting in front of me. The best way that I can describe it is that of a rubber band being stretched out. I felt like that rubber band, as if I had been stretched out. While this was happening I could not hear anything that was happening in the bathroom, but it was if the moment was frozen in time. Although I could see Mary and myself, neither one of us were moving. Another thing is that the distance it was of me looking down on myself was more than it could've been. It was as if I were looking down from the distance of being on a second floor, but we lived in a trailer at the time with maybe ten foot ceilings.

While this was happening, I felt that God was with me. I distinctly remember feeling that I had the choice either to go with Him or to stay behind. I remember the term ‘letting go.’ That I could ‘let go’ if I wanted and that it would be as easy as releasing a ball from your hand. Also, I just KNEW that either decision would be all right with Him. I felt like He was leaving this decision entirely in my hands. I wasn't afraid at all. In fact, I had a feeling of absolute peace.

But I couldn't let go. I thought of my family. Mostly my mother. I didn't want to leave her. And the second that I had decided I didn't want to let go I felt like the rubber band had been released and that I just snapped right back into the bathroom with Mary squatting in front of me again.

I don't know if I actually passed out but I remember Mary yelling to my mother and it was shortly after that they decided to take me to the hospital. From that moment on, I knew I was going to be alright. My mother later said I was delirious, and I'm sure it may have seemed that way considering she was scared that she was going to lose her daughter. I felt very peaceful even with all that I had been through physically and knowing that I was going to have to undergo some sort of procedure once I got to the hospital. But I don't feel that I was delirious. I just KNEW that I was going to be alright because if I were going to die, I would have already.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: April 1989

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes I had suffered a miscarriage and started hemorrhaging at home. 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' I started suffering a miscarriage earlier in the day. By that afternoon, I started hemorrhaging and was passing large blood clots. In the last hour or so before my experience and going to the hospital, I had no energy and could hardly make it from the couch to the bathroom without stopping to rest for energy every couple of steps. My mother later told me that the doctor had told her if they had waited even an hour longer to take me to the hospital I may not have made it due to the large amount of blood loss.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was looking down on myself.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? On the verge of passing out right before the experience, but completely alert during the experience.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I felt like time had been frozen. That the very second I left my body was the second that my entire experience had taken place.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I felt that God was with me. I didn't see anything. It was just a feeling of KNOWING that He was there.

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Absolute peace.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will Looking back, I didn't know that deciding to not let go would result in immediately returning to my body. But yes, I believe it was that decision that led me to return.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I felt stronger feelings towards my mother because I remember thinking about not leaving her and that was the main reason I decided not to let go.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The first person I told was my sister and that was only about six yrs. ago. I didn't tell my mother about it until just a couple of years ago. My sister said the hair on her arms rose as I was telling her. My mother had a look of acceptance on her face. I don't know how much she believed me though.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No