Experience Description

I had a life threatening operation in June of 1995 for a burst ulcer. The surgery went wrong, so three months later I had a second emergency operation. I was told I would not survive without this operation. Between the first and second operations, I was so sick and very weak. By the second operation, I didn't know where I was. They came to take me to the operating room. I felt scared. My chances of survival were 50-50. During the operation, I suddenly found myself in this awful blackness. I felt sick with fear. It felt evil. I felt as though I was dragged backwards down a flight of stairs and my head bounced down each step.

I feel better for telling about this awful experience. Thank you for the opportunity to do this. It has been 16 years since this experience and I feel great. I have, over the past ten years become best friends with the Holy Spirit, which is such a nice feeling. I don't think this was due the experience though.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 15 September 1995

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)

How do you consider the content of your experience? Frightening

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal None, I was definitely under.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? None, I was definitely under.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning This was like a world of its own.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was as though I was WEARING the blackness.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was screaming but could not hear the sound.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain No. The Blackness was wide and everywhere.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Total fear; am I really this bad?

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Just a prisoner of the blackness which felt EVIL.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate I come from a religious background we were all{my family} a part of being roman catholic which to us being answerable to our clergy. If anything it was constant...

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain It might have partly been a factor in my loving the Holy Spirit. I wouldn't like to think so.

What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist spirituality for past 10 yrs. Roman catholic no longer appeals to me. A lot of priests who hurt children and Rome did nothing but put them in other parishes.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain It might have partly been a factor in my loving the Holy Spirit. I wouldn't like to think so.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I divorced my husband one year later; but that was going to happen anyway.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I was aware of the enormous relief to be back. I was in ICU for two months after. It made me aware of everything. When my children came to visit me I felt such a surge of love and I felt that I am lucky.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I wondered why I should be given such an awful experience when I love and respect God so much.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No It is only since going into your website. It made me want to tell it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I was 3 years old and I don't know if I was sick but I was in bed. At that time, there was a picture of the Sacred Heart with His outstretched arms and I saw Christ come out of the picture and me going to him. I told him, 'no'. I told my mum and she made the sign of the cross.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I felt I must have been really evil, but I couldn't think of anything.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I think it was a warning, but of what? Surely that could only happen to a bad person.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? None. Please let me say thank you for your amazing NDE site. It has given me so much peace. (I understand a lot of this NDE info is theory) I'm not easily taken in and for that reason, I feel that I understand and feel very safe with your site. Thank you all so much for this opportunity to tell of my NDE.