At first, I was afraid. I couldn't breathe, and I was worried for my life. Then I went through a brief period of haziness - a fogginess of consciousness. Then everything was clear, there was no pain or fear. I was being pulled down a tunnel of color. I can relate it to the colors and shapes in a painting by Piet Mondrian. At the end of the tunnel, I was told that I was dead. It was just a voice, not a family member or a being. I was fine with this information. Then there was a threshold - like a doorway, but not a doorway.
My first real memory (I say real because the clarity from the moment I was at the doorway was a clarity I've never experienced) is of feeling like it was the first time I'd ever really been alive. In my mind, I instantly knew the meaning of life and the grand plan, and I was thrilled. The plan was so perfect - something no human mind could conceive of. Everything made sense. My place in it made sense. It was as if I'd just been away; I was rejoining this life. Like I'd come back from vacation, and was now getting back to work, or back to reality. Beyond the threshold, I saw a transit system of some kind. I saw water and I saw chains on a craft on the water - like a futuristic Disney ride. I made it halfway through the threshold, and then was jerked back down the tunnel of white, yellow, red. I was much clearer on the way back. I even told myself that I had to remember the secret of life that people needed to know the truth.
When I opened my eyes, it was gone. I was lying there trying to remember. My mind could remember every scene of what happened, but not that one most important thing. I felt like I was not allowed to have that knowledge here, like, if we knew, we wouldn't learn what we needed to learn. Life is a school, nothing more.
Date NDE Occurred: July 2001
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. drug overdose Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I overdosed on drugs accidentally.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Towards the end of the tunnel.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Towards the end of the tunnel.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was much clearer. I could see that I had no body, but I could feel my shape. For instance, I took steps, but when I looked down, there were no legs. Everything was very clear and bright. My mind was conscious of everything; it was enlightenment!
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The only sound I remember was a voice telling me I was dead. It was a female voice - I don't know where it came from, but it didn't go through my ears, it was just in my mind.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was sucked through a tube of color and light.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain A voice told me I was dead.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes But I wouldn't call it a light, I'd call it clarity. I passed into clarity.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm i saw some sort of transit system. i had the impression of others there, but i was so focused on the amazing information i was getting, and so excited to get on with it all. i couldn't focus on bodies.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Happiness, excitement!
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control l learned the great plan.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes A threshold - like a doorway, but not a doorway.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal agnostic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Again, not immediately. I'm now Buddhist, very spiritual. I've had other experiences since this one - profound dreams and realizations. I'm a vegetarian now, and I don't drink. I've spent time in India and Asia, and I practice meditation.
What is your religion now? Liberal Buddhist
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Again, not immediately. I'm now Buddhist, very spiritual. I've had other experiences since this one - profound dreams and realizations. I'm a vegetarian now, and I don't drink. I've spent time in India and Asia, and I practice meditation.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I knew the grand plan, the meaning of life and my place in it.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Not for a while. But now I can only be with very spiritual, open minded people who treat others with respect and love.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Something was revealed to me about the purpose, the meaning, of life. I was thrilled and couldn't wait to participate. I felt like it was something that no one here had figured out yet, and we needed to know. But I was not allowed to retain this secret; I lost it on my way back.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can now dream the future. I always had a little ability to dream of people when they needed me, but now my dreams are much more detailed and spookily accurate. However, they still only relate to me and my life.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes, the feeling that I'm part of a greater world and plan. That I fit in, in some integral way. That I'm here just for a time and will get back to what I'm supposed to be doing when I'm done here. I was struck by the fact that I had no thoughts at all about my family here; I was not a bit worried for them. Like, this isn't really real at all.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I've told maybe two or three people. I'm careful about whom I tell - only those who I feel will believe and who need to hear the message. I think they found some comfort, not sure if they believed or not.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had seen TV shows on the subject. Mine was not at like what I had seen. Actually, I was surprised by how wrong they had gotten it.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real From the start, I knew the experience was 'definitely real.' It never occurred to me to question the reality of it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real From the time it happened until now, I've never doubted that the experience was 'definitely real.' It was the most real thing I've ever experienced.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes While meditating, just before going from mild meditation to deep, I experience the same kind of swoon (brief fogginess) that I experienced as I entered the tunnel, and then, similarly, I pop into a greater clarity.