It was three months into being diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma. At the time, due to my age (thirteen), I was not told of the severity of the illness. Only my parents and elders in my family knew that I was given a one percent chance of survival. In fact, the doctors told them that they should prepare for my 'arrangements' as they believed I was not going to survive this illness. The disease had ravished my body and the spleen, liver and intestines where filled with tumors.
One evening, while hospitalized, I was eating some popcorn when suddenly I began to feel this immense pain in my stomach. I felt the need to pass my bowels, but could not; two days later, I still could not and began regurgitating my food. It was discovered that a large tumor was blocking my bowels. I was immediately sent to surgery. During the surgery I died. For how long I cannot say, but, I had no sensation of passing, I went from laying on the gurney, to floating in the air above the doctors. I watched as they pulled out my intestines, carefully laying them to the side of my body, and then they began racing around (I presume in an attempt to revive me).
During this, I began rising, and all at once it seemed as though I knew everything there was to know. It seemed as if all the mysteries of the world were being revealed. I understood science, math, and life! Simultaneously, I could see people below me in other rooms, I saw my grandmother and great-aunt crying outside the operating area, I saw other patients being treated in other surgery rooms, and I saw people outside the hospital. I saw so much and I continued to rise.
Then as instantly as I rose, I was instantly present within something that resembled a cloud. I don't say it was a cloud but it was bright, white and soft. I felt the total embrace of LOVE. I knew I was in a place of great safety and warmth. I saw what could have been angels, three. They had great peace about them and they were part of this 'cloud' as if attached directly to it. They didn't say anything to me, yet, I felt the grandness of them and their joy. I was happy, peaceful and desired to stay amongst them.
Suddenly, a large hand came towards me. I can't even express its size as everything there was more than words could express. All I know is that it was a non-threatening hand, and it glowed with a over powering light. Then I heard a voice that seemed soft, yet authoritative, tell me, 'My child, go back, for you have much work left to do!'
I was instantly back in my body. INSTANTLY! When I awoke, I told the doctors what I saw them doing to me during the operation, they were amazed at my preciseness of their work. Actually, they had removed two and half feet of my intestines. Still, they didn't believe the story. I also remember feeling angry that I had to return.
I knew that I was healed. The doctors were awe struck to find that after only one chemo treatment the tumors were gone. And that treatment was given against my will as I was too young for them to hear my protest. Thirty-seven years later, I am still here.
My second experience was due to an overdose of sleep medication. That experience took place seven years ago when I was forty-three. I was suffering severe depression and foolishly, in an attempt to sleep, or possibly commit suicide (either way was fine with me at the time) I took more than thirty potent sleeping pills. This was a slower experience than the first. Everything that happened seemed to happen in slow motion. All I know is that I slowly fell into 'sleep'.
When I awoke, I was in a dark, dark place. Totally void of light. I lifted up my hand and couldn't see it. There was nothingness all around me. Slowly I began to hear noises, ever so slowly they became louder until I realized that I was hearing the moaning and groaning of what sounded like hundreds (maybe thousands) of people. They were shouting, screaming, yelling in pain and sorrow. I couldn't see any of them; all I could do was hear their cries. Fear began to overtake my heart, panic was setting in and then I felt this sensation crawling up my legs, the left first, then the right. Instinctually I knew that if it engulfed me I would forever be in this place and I would be among those who were left in their misery. As the sensation came close to touching my belly, again, I saw this large, bright hand reach in, ALL that I could see was the light of this hand. Again, I heard that soft and authoritative voice say to me, 'My child, this is not what I want for you!'
I felt as if someone was blowing air into my lungs and I rose taking a large breath in, hacking and coughing out. When I looked at the clock, I saw that all this had happened in twenty-four hours. I lost an entire day, but gained my faith. And seven years later I am not only still here, but, thriving.
Date NDE Occurred: June 1973 & August 2002
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-relatedSuicide attempt 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
In the first experience I had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma stage 4(B) with a one percent chance of survival. Second experience was an overdose of pills.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was at my highest level when the hand came upon me.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I can't actually describe it other than to say neither space was of this world.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see clearly and without glasses. Colors where more vivid, depth of perception clearer.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw three beings, but did not personally know them, I felt that they were 'angels' though they did not look like the angels pictured in our frame of references. They seemed to blend into this 'cloud' which wasn't actually a cloud but a large white fluffy and softness.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I saw lightness, but I don't know if I can describe what I saw as light per se. There was no tunnel or long light, I just went up into this 'cloud'.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm When I entered into that "cloud" like element.
When I entered into that dark, void of light element.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? In the first experience I felt peace, joy and an unharnessed love.
In the second experience I felt fear, rejection, ill at ease, until the hand when I felt love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future In experience one I knew I was healed. I was. I knew that there were things to come, many have. I also came back with a sense of 'death' for others. I don't know if it starts with a smell first, but, I do know I have been able to tell when someone is going to die (not in years, rather in weeks/months).
Experience two made me more sensitive/aware to those who are depressed and suicidal.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal None
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I didn't believe in an afterlife, or any other worldly being, or in G-D, I now know all of that exists.
What is your religion now? Moderate Born again Believer.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I didn't believe in an afterlife, or any other worldly being, or in G-D, I now know all of that exists.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes It seemed as if I knew all that was to be known. Everything became so clear and understandable. I knew that something beyond this exists.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Shortly after experience two, I noticed that I was severing ties, or ties were being severed with those 'friends' who were not truly friends or had a bad influence on me. I also noticed that I had become clearer in my thoughts. I also felt stronger in my beliefs.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The intensity of each experience was beyond any words in our vocabulary.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have been able to see things prior to their happening. I don't know if this is directly related to experience one, I just know that it happens. I also have this ability to 'see' into people through their eyes.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Experience one, the most meaningful to me was when the voice told me to go back for there was much work left for me to do. I immediately knew I was healed and I knew that the cancer would not return. I also knew that there were lessons I still had to learn. By the way, prior to that experience I did not believe in the existence of G-D, or any other otherworldly being.
Experience two was important for me because though I was 'saved' I didn't believe G-D loved me and that he had forgotten me.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The first time I shared experience one was with a cousin a few weeks after it happened. I never shared it again until I was about thirty-seven years old because I felt it was a personal experience. The second experience I shared immediately with friends, family and others as a warning to them.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was real because I was there. Both experiences were pertinent to what was going on in my life. Both addressed the immediate issues at hand in my life, and I was radically changed by both experiences.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was a real experience for me. It changed me, it molded my character and it framed out my life. I am still feeling the power of them. And I still have a very vivid recollection of both experiences.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Although I tried to recreate the first experience through drugs it never happened. Fortunately, I never had a desire for drugs, but on a few occasions, because I had so longed to return to that 'place', I did try to see if that would do it. (I had heard that many doctors felt that these experiences came because of the procedures and drugs used. But it never happened again for me.) I never tried to recapture the second experience, and have no desire to do so. Before the second experience, I did not know, nor ever heard that 'hell' is dark and void because G-D is not there and where G-D is not there is no light. A few days after my second experience, I actually read it in the Bible myself. I had always heard that 'hell' was a burning fire, but when I read the Bible I found that also wasn't true. As for experience one, not knowing anything about the Bible, I did not know that 'absent from the body is to be immediately present with G-D', I learned that years later when I was still trying to understand that whole experience.