I was very depressed. The love of my life broke up with me that week and on this day (like many others), I was pleading with him to come back to me. He made it so clear it was over that day. I felt the most pain in my heart, soul, and being on that day, I cannot even describe it. I never felt anything even close to that pain except for on that day and some months after that day. I decided no one could possibly live in such pain and I could tell it would never REALLY go away so I should just re-boot like the computer does. I had to end the pain and NOW.
I walked (while crying tremendously and loudly) up this gentle slope to an old oak tree. I climbed up the tree, tied the rope around my neck while sitting on this very large limb (eighteen inches in diameter). My love who was breaking up with me was at the base of the slope fixing one of his automobiles. He saw me but looked at me rarely. Then I tied the rope to the limb and stood up. He must have realized I was not kidding around because he finally started to make his way up the slope, then I noticed he was saying something, I can't remember what I said, and then I noticed he began to run. Then I knew he was going to try to stop me so I jumped.
He was a very agile and strong he somehow made it up into the tree while I was still in the air. The next thing I knew I landed violently on his lap as he was now somehow sitting in the crotch of this limb where it met with the main trunk of the tree. I remember it felt nice to be sitting in the lap of the man I loved so dearly. Then I felt the rope tighten suddenly and - this is where it gets there.
I can't remember all of it but there was brown and white like a movie to my right (which would be mostly in the direction of south) and I was there for a while and I seem to remember that I was hanging there in that brown and white movie. I was hanging from the tree dead and then the feelings, or should I say sensations, began. I felt the most intense levels of sadness, joy, ecstasy, bliss, love, anger, stillness and many other things like that which I don't have words for. I remember even feeling the best orgasm that I have never even had before. But all these were very fast like milliseconds all these sensations rushing through me even some that vibrated my whole body in an energetic like way - what is that? I have never felt that before and had no word for it, and I feel it now as I type. That's weird.
I also remember some other pictures of my life but they went so fast I could remember the sensations much, much better than what the pictures actually were, other than the one of me hanging there.
Then to my right (or south) was a rainbow door. An almost perfectly square rainbow door. That damn door, I knew I had seen it before but never really acknowledged it. But now I had to because there it was so clear and I could see me doing what I had been doing over the past five or more years prior to that day. I could see me sitting on the west side of that door laughing inside my head thinking I was getting away with something by not going through that door and then there I was dancing around the front of the door almost mocking it. I would put one foot inside the door and one foot out as part of my dance. I would stick my whole head in there and see the two paths that existed on the other side of that door. The one to the left is the one that my knowing knew to be the one I was to take.
That was it. I remember now coughing and feeling very dizzy as I lay on this large limb with parts of my legs still touching that man I loved. Then I could hear him say, 'What a drama queen'. I was still too dizzy to respond or even get up. I remember how comfortable I was laying on that limb. I am after all a serious lover of trees. He then laughed a short somewhat quiet laugh and said for me to quit with all the act. I was still shaking. I began to weep a little from his remarks. He then said, 'Come on already, get up'. He helped me to sit up partially. I told him to let me be a little and that I was still a bit dizzy. He said ok. He gave me a lot of time up there in that tree to breathe and reflect. He finally asked if I was ok. I said yes but that I just needed a little more time to rest there. I laid back down on the limb (it had a lot of soft moss). I told the tree I loved it or something like that. Finally, I got up and he helped me down from the tree.
Since I almost succeeded in hanging myself my old lover who caught and saved me at the last minute was so angry he decided to choke me. I don't think he realized he choked me to near death. I think he just was so mad he was trying to only shake me up a tiny bit but not to that extent.
I later went and had a reiki session and it helped me to better understand the whole experience.
Date NDE Occurred: 1999
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes At first I tried to commit suicide but was saved by an ex-boyfriend who was so mad in that moment that he then choked me. Don't know for certain, no doctor present but I would have to say Clinical death from what I experienced and after explaining it to a nurse and a counselorI had a rope tied around my neck. I tried to hang myself but was stopped at the last minute.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I never looked down at me on the limb - I did not realize I was out of my body, if I had known I would have looked down below me but I only looked left and right, never down or behind me.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? What an interesting question. I never thought of this. Was I actually more conscious? I have been struggling for the past, oh, six years on what consciousness is. What is consciousness? If I really knew what consciousness was I could answer that question. Something tells me that I was more conscious then I had ever been in my life.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Not that I can remember.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I saw it but this question frightens me and is making my body involuntary shake and my stomach is feeling metallic. I saw it. I know it. I can't go through it yet. This makes me sad, but I can't. I know it is where my power is but I can't go there yet. It will be so great and wonderful - but I can't for some reason go through it yet. I desire to go through it, but I can't for some reason, I have blockages or something.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A bright very fast flash then not as bright a light but still pretty bright light coming from around the rainbow door. It was only rainbow on the frame not the inside - actually, it was not a door that closed and open. It is always open; I guess I should call it a window to be more accurate in my explanation. But it FEELS like a door, yet looks like a window.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The rainbow door. Well the outside of it and the beginning of the inside of it.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Sorry can't explain that one bit except to tell you it is the rainbow door thing again. I feel it; I know it but yet cannot verbalize it at all. I have blockages that are not allowing me to really go there.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Like I said I desire to feel all those feelings I felt that day in my NDE so I will never attempt suicide again because I don't desire to miss any of that if it is still to come.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No My lover there must have brought me back because he told me he was shaking me because he did not know what was wrong with me. Maybe he was saying my name? I don't know. I never asked.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe in myself more.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes No words in English to describe; maybe another language has better words. I only know English though.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I don't know what was the best. The worst was the few days and moments just before.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Many people who know about this sort of thing said what happened to me was the best thing that could have happened to me. They said I was lucky. They said I will be able to understand things that others won't know. A lady today even told me she could tell I had one before.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain Those were good questions but I know there are a few more that would get even deeper into the matter but I don't know how you will figure out what those are.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Can't think of anything.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? If I knew I would tell you. That boundary stuff really gets REAL close to the heart of the experience. Ask more and different types of questions about the boundary.