Prior to my suicide attempt, I was hospitalized 5 times for anxiety and depression. This began about 2003, 3 years prior to me trying to hurt myself. I was able to keep my massage practice going, more or less, but was in a dark place all the time. Nothing was helping, not therapy or the variety of drugs my psychiatrist had prescribed. I could not bear what I was putting my teenaged son through and my then husband. Even with all my training in bodywork and emotional clearing and lengthy sessions of emotional clearing, I could not find relief from this horrible depression and anxiety. The night of the suicide attempt was the darkest of my life. I was just praying for relief and was terrified. My NDE actually came back to me in a Cranio-Sacral Session, probably 6 months later. I was in a place and was at the center of a circle surrounded by my departed family and other loved ones. Beneath me was a carpet of red rose petals, several inches deep. I was eye to eye with a being of light. I was kneeling and communicating with this one without words - telepathically. The thing was I associated this being as the Lord of Love (Christ) and at the same time; it was me talking to myself. What was said to me was, 'Good job Francine, but now you have to go back and finish what you started.' The good job part was on living through all I had lived through.
I don't remember waking up at the hospital. The doctors were uncertain if I would be brain damaged or physically impaired. Because of the seriousness of my attempt, I had to undergo ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) that continued for about a year and I had it at least 30 to 40 times. After awakening, I was in the hospital for six more weeks. The ECT treatments seemed to help reboot my brain and were very effective.
I was able to be weaned off all drugs. I was given a clean bill of health from my psychiatrist about 2 years ago. I have absolutely no symptoms of my illness, am on no drugs and am on a positive ride. I am so far out of that suicidal mind frame and, as I have said, now know that it is part of a perfect plan of what I came to do; to clear that pattern and to help others recover. My doctor was at his wits end with me. Now I am better than ever. My business is booming and my sensitivity is heightened 10 fold. My emotional, mental and physical health is outstanding and I look far younger than my 55 years.
Date NDE Occurred: 'June 3-10, 2006'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' In a coma for about 7 days
I had ingested all my medications I had at the time, an entire bottle of Ibuprofen, a full bottle of wine and hooked the car exhaust into the car. My neighbor's son, visiting from another city, pulled me from the car in the middle of the night. He happened to have paramedic training, administered CPR and called 911.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I am very intuitive and perceptive and yet this telepathic communication was just known and complete as well as the attending emotion of unconditional love and joy.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was looking eye to eye with this being of light; the Christ and myself at the same time.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was just the present. My heart was bursting.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My NDE was a short period of time. I think this was because I already had read so much about such things and already had studied other realms of being quite a bit. I was just shown enough in that dimension to pull more back with me into this reality. The smell of roses was intoxicating in that place. The comfort of seeing my family and knowing they are with me always is huge. The love of the being of light is with me but inexplicable.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The hearing was not outward but just an internal knowing of communication
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes See narrative above
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light of the space I was in and the being in front of me all glowed with a gossamer soft flowing, all-encompassing light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Simply a room. Sometimes I think more detailed experiences are for those less versed in the realms of spirit. It was a reminder to me of where I had come from.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt joy, a sense of home, relief, and love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others Everything that I needed to know then, which has greatly expanded in the last 6 years
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other faiths- New age I am and was a very spiritual person. For 18 years ( 18-36 years of age) I was involved in an intentional spiritual community. Because of my massage and body work training I was very much involved in alternative therapies. ... strong Native American interests and the natural world.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes They have deepened. God is not a person but rather an energy that we all embody. I know I am on Earth as a connector to that realm and still firmly planted (grounded) in this reality. Life is eternal, expanding, and awesome!
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age My spiritual awareness remains pretty much the same yet greatly expanded. I have for a long time known the power of my soul, but over it was this burden of anxiety and depression which was a strong hereditary pattern. Of my parents and 3 siblings, I am the last one alive who lived through it. My mother attempted suicide 6 times, my sister , at least twice and my one brother succeeded. I know now I came on earth to clear the pattern.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Everything fits together perfectly and I would not change one detail of my life including the trauma.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I already described the being before me. My family and loved ones were all around watching, but their faces were not completely clear. I just knew it was they and they showed themselves so that I knew they were all fine. This being of light did relate to my past religious training of who the Christ would be and yet again, the being and I were reflecting each other.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes The Christ
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes For me this experience was like a retreat, a reassurance that all was ok. I needed to draw that energy back with me into this sphere. It took me going there and coming back.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was witnessing my family who had all passed.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes That what I had lived through gave me the strength and understanding for what is yet to unfold.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes It is everything and eternal
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I no longer have the chain of anxiety around my neck that I carried for 53 years.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I divorced my husband of 25 years and another man came into my life. Dave suffered a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) in 2005 from a car accident. He was in a coma for 1 month. His families was told if he survived, he would never walk and talk. He did not have a specific NDE, but we both know we are together in this positive vortex now to tell our collective story. (We are to be married this coming September). Usually in a relationship, one person has one of these stories. We both know we should or could be dead and we are both better than ever. It is huge!
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There is no way to completely convey in this reality what that was like. I have also had subsequent experiences that are equally difficult to explain, shamanic type journeying where I felt I was pulling more of me across the dimensions into this realm for the energy for what I need to do here now.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember very little about being in the hospital. I do remember the night in the car before I passed out.
Following my suicide and ECT treatments, I has pretty severe memory loss. Now my memory is stellar -- except for those 6 weeks in the hospital ( the last time)
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Energy pours through my hands and I know exactly where to be on a person's body for healing. Some are uncomfortable after a session but if you are breaking open a rusty door after years of immobility there may be some creaking.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I marvel at my present state of ecstasy given that I was in such a dark mental frame of mind. Trying to kill yourself is as dark as it gets. If I could have known then that I would be this great now, I would not have believed it to be possible
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes People are a little freaked out by suicide. Some hear my story and go wow - others can't hear the things I did. ECT is also scary.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had read at least 4 books about it. I was being prepared I think.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was a gift to me, a reassurance that all is well.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real My first 50 years was about living through huge family trauma. The loss of my father when I was 12, Ovarian cancer at 17, my mother leaving me when I was 16. The next 50 years is about sharing with the World this great awareness of joy and love and expansion. I am here to speak to others and share what I have learned
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It is profound! That what I had lived through gave me the strength and understanding for what is yet to unfold.
Also, that love is everything and eternal