I was coming out of surgery for a simple procedure. It was two weeks after my baby was born. I was trying to come out of the anesthesia and a heard a nurse say, 'She isn't awake yet. Let her sleep a little longer.' It was then it happened. I felt so very sleepy, but unable to say I was awake.
The next thing I felt separate from my body and woke up in black but only for a second, not even a second. I then was slowly going toward light and as I progressed toward it, I felt almost layers of myself falling away - I became lighter and lighter and happier - just so happy. I was in a tunnel of very white light and I saw a group of people who loved me. I don't know who they were, but they were familiar to me. No words were said but I felt the pure joy of being there, such incredible relief.
There were many women young and old. It was short people, maybe children, and then very small beings to very tiny beings the size of a chick. They were in a shadow, but standing in light. It was like I was not allowed to see them fully. I wanted to join them so badly - like I just wanted to jump into the middle of them - to be at one with them for where they were standing was in a more happier place than I was in - even though where I was, was very happy too. For some reason, I could not go further.
I don't remember if I was given a choice but someone from both within the crowd, in the middle, with grey hair was talking to me without words but was also beside me in my ear - we talked with our heads, our thoughts - we discussed me staying and me going back. It, he or she, I don't know which, reminded me of my baby son just born - I had almost forgotten his need of me. We talked about how I could choose to stay, but that I should remember that I am a mother. Not that I was needed per se, or that I felt guilty about staying, but chose to go back because I wanted to be his mother. I also wanted the growth I needed from the remainder of my life lived out - as it was conveyed to me I needed more growing, learning. I chose to go back. I felt so sad to leave, reluctant but took it on the chin to go back.
When I awoke, it was a real painful experience and I finally had use of my muscles and asked the nurse, 'Where are all the people?' She said, 'What people?' I could not believe she didn't know. I was angry she didn't know what I was talking about or didn't see them. I felt angry to be back. I feel a loss of interest in my life now. I love my son. But I just don't seem to care about bonds between me and people as much as I used to. I can't seem to feel closed to just one person, but feel close to many. I find myself falling in love with every person. I was already a bit like this, but now I am even more so. I have been with five men since then and each one I feel exactly the same about. My child as well, I feel no special bond, only my duty. I love him yes, but just like I love everyone. It scares me that maybe I am not as good a mother as I once was. Also, I am so much more relaxed, I don't care about time so much, or jobs. I find myself alone a lot, walking. I am more at peace, but feel a bit sad I cannot be with those people. I also feel frustrated that my life hasn't changed dramatically or that I haven't some great mission. I feel like I must have not gotten it all or cheated that I don't have something profound to say, other than I want to go back. I didn't feel a terrible need to tell anyone.
I don't think I am crazy or feel ashamed; just felt it was more of extension of who I already am, only intensified, I don't know if any of this is making sense. Now I think of it, I feel alone in it somewhat. I feel a bit selfish now reading what others have gotten out of it, that I didn't tell people of it, I guess it felt so natural that it didn't seem important, except to me. Why did I not see anyone I knew? Why was I not allowed to see their faces fully? Why was I in the light and they were in the light but they were in a shadow barely able to make out? Why was I kept close enough yet far enough away to not reach them? Who spoke to me? And could the smaller beings really be animals? Why did I not get some great life-changing mission or personality change? Why am I the same after, if any change it's one of relaxation, to where nothing seems to matter, not in a sad way, but in an acceptance way?
Date NDE Occurred: 29 or 30th of July 2005
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Surgery-related Other surgery...trying to waking up from
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was engaged in thoughts conversing and when I was aware of the world falling away and I was feeling lighter and lighter, happier and happier.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
When I was there, it seemed to be about an hour or two but when I woke I realized it could not have been that long from when I heard the nurse say, 'She is still asleep,' and then 'Let her sleep for a bit more,' for I was aware I was outside my room and then brought into the room and being pushed as the nurses were talking.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was close enough to recognize them, but almost like I wasn't allowed to - only allowed to feel them, their presence and make out their shapes within the crowd. We communicated via thoughts, no words, and via feelings, wonderful love coming at me, a happiness that I was there, there were many, many, many people seemed like hundreds, but yet I don't know hundreds of people?
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't need sound.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was first very black but for less than a second, then began a slow gliding journey, like an enjoyable walk into a tunnel that were like white rings. As I passed through the light was brighter and brighter and I felt more relief as I got close.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I did see other beings many, many of them. They sent love to me in the tunnel, welcoming me. They were very happy to see me and were sending me love like hugs so clear. One told me many things that I forgot, but that I needed to remember I was a mother. I could go back to stay but if I went I would grow it would be beneficial to me to grow and I wanted to be my son's mother.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Very bright light. It was so very good to see it, felt so right, I was so happy to have it and knew it was where I belonged, like I knew it already.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? So very relieved, pure joy. Excitement. Love in the purest form. Sad I had to return, but willing to help myself and also, just forgot this, but to help that person who was talking to me. There was an element of you can stay, but would you please return, to help me - yet there were not specifications of how, only that I had a son and needed personal growth. I was quite happy to help that person.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I know we had a very long conversation, but much of which is not understandable to me now. The only thing I thing I am allowed to remember is that I was a mother. I was asked politely to come back to help the person conversing with me - and I recognized my desire to be my son's mother. And to grow, do the growing I needed to benefit, not just me but the world.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I don't know about purpose, I don't feel I did, other than to grow and learn more as a person and that I have a desire to be my son's mother, and to help the being that spoke to me in a way I don't know about.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Seem to have a more lateral view of people. I cannot feel any more for one than I do another. I cannot see wrong in people where others do. I feel I understand people so much more and it is not for me to judge them, but only love them. I also feel a very big sense of freedom in terms of sex. Not that I have sex a lot, but I have been with five men since and I love them all and do not feel any more toward one than the other. Kind of confused about this as I should think it is bad, but I don't.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I feel confused. I don't remember words, more feelings.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Just that I chose to be my son's mother. I wasn't particularly needed, or wasn't allowed to see if I would be, but that I chose him. I chose to be with him here on earth.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Just recently like a day ago I posted it in a chat room to see what response I'd get but got none. I didn't feel a real need to discuss it; it was like it was supposed to be. It was profound but only for me and seemed like that was how it was supposed to be.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real At first I thought it is real. Then I thought no maybe it was a dream, but only for a second as I fell to sleep, and said that it was real. I know it was real, I feel it is.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I don't know, just that I have never felt such happiness, nothing ever like it. I feel I understand people more. I was allowed to understand people. I know that people are there who love me. I understand and know it is real, I cannot find words to explain how.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Just hope someone could shed some light on my questions and I wonder will I ever feel strongly about anyone again? How will I know whom I am supposed to love as my partner if I cannot see him differently from others, as well my son. I am afraid he might be cheated as I feel equal love toward other children - it's just I take him home with me, I am his mother.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Did you see faces or just figures? Did you see animals or possible animals?