I was late coming home from work. It was 12:45 am and I was a block from my house. I suddenly felt a severe pain in the right side of my jaw. I put my hand to my jaw and said out loud, 'What the &%$# is this?!' As soon as I said it, the pain traveled to both of my arms, from the shoulders to the elbows. I immediately felt a crushing pain in my chest. I pulled the car over in front of the house. I knew exactly what was happening as a nurse, but told myself if I can get into the house, I'd be okay. I ran up the stairs, but turned and ran back to the car. I told myself to stay focused. I was three miles from the hospital where I worked. It never entered my mind to call an ambulance. It was if I was being guided. I knew that if I got to the emergency room alive, they would save me. I passed only one car, parked in the lot, and entered the emergency room. I could barely talk. The first electrocardiogram was at 1:06 am, and showed a massive heart attack. The emergency room staff called a CPORT code. They were calling registered nurses and a cardiologist that specialize in this type of heart attack. Survival is said to be between five to ten percent. I knew many of the people that were there. I told them to contact my children and then we were just talking. We all knew that I might not survive. I asked them to tell my children how much I love them if I didn't survive. They did not expect me to. The doctor walked in the room, and the next thing I remember was feeling a massive shock to my body. I had 'coded' twice.
I remember very clearly being in a totally dark place. I said aloud, 'What is this dark place?' It felt like I was just a thought with no body. I was fascinated, not scared. I saw a small 'pin prick' of light in the upper right hand corner. Then beautiful crystals of light began coming through the small opening. The crystals were like a waterfall and just kept coming and coming. It was absolutely beautiful. I am unable to really describe it.
Then I felt a massive shock to my body. I heard the doctor yelling at me. I opened my eyes, and was disoriented for a brief period. It wasn't until several hours later that I realized what had happened. A nurse from the emergency room came to see me in the intensive care unit and told me I coded twice. People seemed reluctant to tell me everything.
Date NDE Occurred: 'October 8, 2009'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
Massive heart attack.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From the time the heart attack started at 12:45 am until I coded the first time around 1:45am.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was unaware of space or time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain It seemed like a room, but I don't know.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes There was extreme blackness and silence, and then at the very top on the left-hand side, I saw a 'pinprick' of light. Through that tiny opening, what looked like a waterfall of brilliant crystals began descending on me, one after the other, after the other. It was absolutely beautiful. I was suddenly aware of my body and felt like I was sitting up with my arms stretched out in front of me. I can't adequately describe the light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Extreme calm and curiosity. I was disappointed when it ended.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I lost all fear, but became more emotionally aware. For instance, I cry easier now, over things that move me. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out why I survived. I didn't find an answer, but I still think there is a reason.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes It defined many of my relationships. Some became closer. Some ended. I found out who and what really mattered.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I felt privileged to have it happen to me. I am not fearful now. I used to worry about everything and everyone, but not anymore. We have no control over anything.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I started to tell people within days. I get the general sense that most do not believe me, or think I'm exaggerating. Most of those in the medical field would tell me it was a lack of oxygen, loss of blood supply that caused hallucinations, etc. Another nurse who had came close to death during her battle with cancer understood, but she is the only one.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I've read about it. I have had two vivid dreams that seem to suggest a past life. There were times when I was young that I 'knew' things that would upset my mother. As I grew older, it disappeared.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It took me a few weeks to truly realize what had happened. People slowly gave me information. I knew something had happened, but I had to hear the words that my heart had stopped twice. I remember sitting up and talking, and then I was gone.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real My belief system has always been that there is something beyond us and this life.
Now, I have experienced a part of it. I have a feeling of being a part of everything else. My father had dropped dead of a heart attack when he was fifty-three. I was fifteen. All of these years I think of him and thought he must have been so scared. It was a relief for me to experience it, and realize that I wasn't scared at all. You're just here one moment, and then you're not.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? My health is not great since it happened, but I wouldn't have changed it. It was a defining moment in my life (and death).