I went out of the house that day wanting to die. I didn't quite know how, but I just knew I wanted to die. I had many tablets with me, but decided I didn't have enough so I got some more. In my naivety about that particular drug, I thought a couple of boxes of them would surely do it (I discovered later that overdosing on this particular drug would lead to a very painful death). I drank a lot of lager, stout and spirits and took every pill I had. The next thing I remember, I was in hospital. Nurses were slapping my face very hard, trying to wake me up and I had this feeling of disappointment that I was still alive.
Seconds after I was aware of the disappointment a sense of distance came over me. I have heard of people who say they have floated over their bodies, but it was not like that for me. I was just watching myself from the outside. I could clearly see myself on the gurney and three nurses shouting and slapping me. I could feel the dread of one of the nurses as she called for something. I was not feeling any pain at all, as I watched them trying to revive me. When they started using a defibrillator on me, my body felt nothing. But with every hit of the defibrillator paddles, I could feel myself being sucked closer and back into my body. Suction is the only way I can describe it. I did not hear any voices or see anything but a feeling came over me that told me I had to make a choice, to stay or go! It was a feeling of urgency and I knew I had to make the decision right there and then.
So I decided I wanted to try life again and in a split second, I woke up in my body feeling disoriented and a bit freaked out. I immediately jumped off the trolley, much to the amazement of the staff, and stormed out of the hospital. I will never forget it as long as I live.
Date NDE Occurred: circa march 1998
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I had tried to commit suicide.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was watching the nurses slapping me.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was watching myself die.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? None, other than being given a choice.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared the experience years ago and only to a couple of people. It seems to me that people do not want to know about things they do not understand. I don't talk about it anymore.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I saw the experience as ‘definitely real’ from the start and I felt confused about it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I still see the experience as ‘definitely real’. I suppose I now know there is something after death. I do not know what it is but there is something.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No