For a number of years I had been telling my doctor that I was always sad and depressed. Crying for no reason and then switching over to uncontrollable rage. I was ignored by her! Both of my parents and my husband had passed within a 3-year period of each other, so I was dealing with enormous loss. One day a 'voice' in my head, whom I now call 'Dark Man' or 'DM' for short, was telling me to just stop the pain for good. I did what he said, putting various drugs into a bowl and swallowing them! I washed them down with liquor. When I was found hours later, I was near dead and the Emergency Medical Technicians started emergency support. Later, while in the hospital, I remember a floating feeling and a very warm soft light. I was in a beautiful field full of wild flowers. The light was coming over the horizon, like a morning dawn! I was completely at peace, feeling only surrounding warmth, light and total love. As I floated toward the light, I was very eager to reach it but then a shadowy form was off to my left. I felt a touch on my left shoulder and a voice saying 'it's not your time. You have to go back!' I didn't want to go back; I was happy where I was! The voice said 'No, you have to go back'. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital, feeling all muffled and groggy, saying I had to use the rest room! Much later, the Doctors moved me over to another part of the hospital: the psych ward. I thought I had been in the hospital for a week, I later found out that I was there for almost a month! To this day, I can remember every detail of the field of flowers, the beautiful light and the form who was there!
Date NDE Occurred: Sept. 6, 2011
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drug or medication overdose. Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
I had taken a large combination of over-the-counter and prescription medications. I was also drinking hard liquor.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was like every cell in my body was alive and humming with energy!
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? While in the field of wildflowers.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During my experience every cell, bone and muscle was humming with a tremendous amount of energy! I felt like I was humming. Before my experience, everything was dead and void of feeling or caring.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was heightened. I could hear a soft breeze flowing over me, warmth like never before. Prior to this, my hearing was almost muffled.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was like an early morning sunrise, but with gorgeous colors everywhere.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm A beautiful field full of wildflowers with a gentle warm breeze.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace!! All-encompassing love. Happiness and excitement that all the pain had stopped.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will The shadowy form touched my left shoulder and told me I had to go back. The thought of me not wanting to go back flashed in my mind, and the form again said I had to go back. I didn't want to come back; I wanted to float into the light and warmth.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other faiths- New age
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I've always felt that death is not to be feared, that there is some thing better waiting for me. My experience proved it!
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin There was a shadowy form off to my left side. A light gray in color. 'He' never left my side so I couldn't see clearly.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain The shadowy form seemed to be in charge. Even tho I din't want to return, I had no choice. After he told me the second time that I had to return, I did.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I had a feeling of complete love and acceptance. It surrounded me and filled my body! Warmth and humming was also felt.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I now have 5 voices and people in my head! 4 are helpful and encouraging; the 5th is Dark Man. Dark Man is the voice telling me to attempt suicide again, to use any means possible.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The field full of wildflowers and beautiful sunrise are very meaningful to me as I'm a hobby nature photographer. Nature and the outdoors is very much a part of my life.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I've shared my experience with a select few people in my life, my best friend and my lover. My lover is very accepting and supportive. He believes what I say. My best friend is not so much. He's slightly skeptic.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I've shared my experience with a select few people in my life, my best friend and my lover. My lover is very accepting and supportive. He believes what I say. My best friend is not so much. He's slightly skeptic.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
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