Experience Description

I had a NDE when I was eleven (almost twelve), after having an almost fatal traffic accident. I was in a coma for nine days. During probably the first two minutes of being unconscious, I experienced the feeling of being outside of my body, floating above myself. I could see and hear the ambulance coming from the left side (the right side of my body). After that I went into a long dark tunnel where I could see a small light at the end (which constantly became closer and bigger and brighter), where arms and hands came out of the wall, trying to grab me and pulling me back. I floated towards a very clear bright but not blinding light, but somehow never reached it totally. During that, I heard the most heavenly music played ever. I felt fear at first, but afterwards I felt so calm and happy, and felt no pain at all. Somehow, I received the message that I had to return, since this life was not fulfilled yet. At that moment, I floated back through the dark tunnel, hands pulling me again, back to where I was before.

I then briefly woke up back in my body, which was now placed on a billiard table in a nearby pub. I cried aloud with pain and for help. I felt really sorry that I had returned, since I longed for that calm painless feeling I had had before in the tunnel. Then I was unconscious again for a while and only woke one more time on the operation table where doctors were bracing my knee so my broken femur could be corrected. I then went into a coma, but could always see people around me. I just couldn't react to their signals. After nine days I woke up and saw my parents - my dad was so happy that I had returned and said I could ask for anything as a welcome back gift. I asked him for a guitar, since I wanted to produce that heavenly music myself. I received a guitar, but never had the chance to learn how to play it - my competition sport always intervened. At a later age, I learnt how to play the bass guitar and had my own band for ten years - so the music always remained very important in my life.

The evolution into my transformation is a story in itself. As is the pain, the loneliness, the inner sadness, the not being able to hold on to a steady relationship with someone who wasn't open to spiritual evolution, the feeling misunderstood, the change in beliefs and lack of any belief in any written religion, and, I do not fear death since that day. I only really got acknowledgment about my NDE myself when I was thirteen, after a school friend told me about what happened to him, which was almost similar to what I had experienced. Since then I have made a long evolution in my transformation and finally I know the reason why. Also due to reading the book of Dr. Pim van Lommel, a Dutch cardiologist who studied this phenomenon in a scientific way ('Eindeloos Bewustzijn' - in English 'Endless Consciousness'). A classmate (of whom I still clearly remember the name) told us (the whole class) about the NDE he experienced when he was thirteen. He almost was suffocated during a judo-match and was unconscious. He had a cardiac arrest and during that time, he experienced his NDE, talking about his outer body experience, the tunnel, the not blinding light, and his return. He told this in front of the classroom and that was when I realized I had experienced the same when I had my traffic accident being eleven, almost twelve. Before that, I had always thought about this experience as if I had had a very clear dream. At first, I didn't really talk about this to anyone, not even my parents or friends. What might they have thought about me? I think I was about nineteen when I told it to my mum for the first time, and then later to my sister, I don't feel they really understood at that time. They might understand better now I think - due to my new wife who has explained this more to them, being a very spiritual human being herself.

Why did you decide to join this network?

I have, since my youth, had quite a problem full, searching, and hectic life up to now. I have, most of the time, felt misunderstood. I have always been very social hearted, always helped out others, but never myself. My self-esteem has been affected and I sometimes (in periods) turned to alcohol abuse to numb the pain and hurt. Due to the help of my current wife, my psychologist, my family and reading more about spiritual evolution, I have found the strength and power inside myself again to not have to numb myself anymore in any way or form and finally I am able to talk freely about my experience. I would like to play music again, and I now also write poems and stories about my current life (and maybe about my lives before this one) so I can come out using my creative side, which I learnt to know during my NDE.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 'March 20th, 1972'

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' After traffic accident went into a coma.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the outer body experience and floating towards the light, hands and arms coming out of the wall trying to pull me back.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no time or space limits, it was like I was everywhere at the same time and I could see 360 degrees around me.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It seemed I could see everything at the same time and there was no time or space limits.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard the most wonderful music, and although I searched for it, I couldn't find out where it came from. I had never heard music like that before. The music also seemed to produce different colors.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes First the tunnel seemed darkish, but at the end of it appeared a non-blinding white light - towards which I seemed to be drawn to. Hands and arms of people I couldn't see came out of the sides of the wall and tried to pull me back, away from the light, yet I still floated further towards it.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Hands and arms reached out for me, out of the sides in the tunnel and tried to pull me back, yet I floated further towards the light. I couldn't see any bodies or faces though.

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes At the end of the tunnel there was a bright white light, not blinding though - at first it seemed to be only a spot, but then it became clearer and brighter as I floated towards it. I never fully reached it though.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? First I felt afraid, but after a short while I felt very calm and happy. This was the most intense and happiest feeling I have ever experienced and never felt it again in this current earthly life.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I do not allow any written down religion to tell me how to live or not live my life or how to believe or not believe. I therefore consider myself an atheist since I do not believe in theologies. Before my NDE, I was very religious, raised in the Catholic religion, believing in one true God and Jesus Christ. I still believe that Jesus has lived, but to me now, he is just a prophet who taught about the only true principle which all bonds us to this universe - Love. What other people call God, I call the strength of human beings (yet I don't want to be called a humanist) and I now believe that we are part of a total Energy, as part of the universe.

What is your religion now? Liberal Atheist - Spiritualy not bounded to any written down religious do or don't principles - free to believe what is in my endless consciousness

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I do not allow any written down religion to tell me how to live or not live my life or how to believe or not believe. I therefore consider myself an atheist since I do not believe in theologies. Before my NDE, I was very religious, raised in the Catholic religion, believing in one true God and Jesus Christ. I still believe that Jesus has lived, but to me now, he is just a prophet who taught about the only true principle which all bonds us to this universe - Love. What other people call God, I call the strength of human beings (yet I don't want to be called a humanist) and I now believe that we are part of a total Energy, as part of the universe.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Something inside my consciousness told me to return since my life had not really finished yet. I remember hearing the music and the first thing I thought about when I woke up out of my coma was music. I wanted to learn to play the guitar and produce music myself, but not in a traditional way.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes When younger I felt very much alone, lonely, a loner, misunderstood, and on the other hand, I was always ready to help other people who experienced problems or felt hurt and pain mentally. I never was able to help myself though and sometimes decided to numb my own hurts with alcohol. All previous love-relationships (except with my current wife) failed, because I never seemed to find the right person who would understand my changed transformed personality.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? At first I thought it was a dream or sort of 'vision' due to my accident. After a classmate told me about his similar experience, I recognized this and then understood myself what had happened to me. Since then, even as a young boy, being thirteen at that time, I changed my view on religion, the world, mankind, rules and principles, social awareness, reincarnation, universal energy, possible other life in our universe, etc. This evolution and transformation of my personality is still ongoing, although I have had periods of putting this aside and trying to numb the pain and hurt it causes inside my person.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my mother for the first time when I was nineteen and a bit later I told my younger sister. I don't think at that time they fully understood what I was talking about. Since then I have talked more about it to more members of my current family (parents, sister and brother-in-law, current wife, my son) and some colleagues. My wife and son seem to fully understand and have a strong belief in what I have told. Other people also seem to understand, but might not always believe in this experience fully.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I first believed it was a very clear dream, as to me even the accident seemed to have happened in a dream. Only when I woke from my coma I realized the accident had happened in reality. During my coma, I could always see visiting or nursing people around me, but it seemed my signals never reached them. I tried to talk but no sound came out. I tried to use signs but my hands didn't move. I could hear what people told me, but when I tried to reply no words came out.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Since I recognized my experience due to someone else talking about a similar situation I have always believed that my NDE has truly happened.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Since my accident (after waking from my coma) I have never feared death anymore. I also have the strong feeling that I have lived other lives before, with special links to ancient Egypt and the Middle Ages. History in general, but especially those periods, really intensely interests me and I also have dreams about those periods. A change thing occurred when I was around fourteen during a history class. The teacher was talking about the tomb of Tutankhamen and where it was found. I had a very clear view on how the entrance of the tomb looked like at that moment, even without ever having seen any pictures of it. When the teacher passed around a book which had the picture of the tomb's entrance in it, the way I had viewed it in my 'fantasy' was exactly the same as in the picture in the book, although I had seen it from a different angle in my 'fantasy'. This situation made me reflect on my other beliefs since my NDE and since then I have felt that one of my former lives has been lived in ancient Egypt (I was already convinced of this when I was only fourteen). I have only told this episode to my current wife and an internet friend who lives in the U.S. and whom I have never met face to face yet, but who is convinced that we have met in former lives already and that we have a special bond, being part of the same 'soul group'.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I am still learning about myself at this stage and would like to contribute in any way to any positive contribution towards this phenomenon. I have answered in English because it is the language I have used up to now to talk about my NDE, and since this is part of an international English language website, nobody else has to translate what I have written myself.