NDE involving reincarnation, bargaining about returning, and a detailed description of the dying process.">
In December 1979, after four months in India, I became very sick with amoebic dysentery, food borne hepatitis A, and dengue fever. The physical body weakened to the point where all that could be done was to lie in bed at the hotel. I had no strength left. The state of weakness was very peaceful, with an awareness that death would soon come. There was no fear but I had an interest in what lay ahead.
With a calm mind, all of the events in life that seemed so important slipped away; they had no interest anymore. A realization came that the mind and body is one complete system, not separate.
Because of this weakened state, my thoughts stopped. With the filter of thoughts gone, a greater level of internal awareness arose from the heart. I had heightening the perceptions of intuition, seeing, hearing and feeling. Even though my body was sick with fever, pain and weakness, there was a wonderful blissful state where every breath brought something dynamic. Everything was so still. Each breath became more pleasurable and expansive.
Slowly, a gentle shaking started, even though the body was still. Memories came of having done this many times before; it was so familiar. Pleasant and loving feelings flooded my Being. The shaking continued.
I found myself looking down at this sick body, and started to laugh. Soon this body would end. The thought of letting go was pleasurable, as releasing all the entanglements of this life neared. This body was so dense, cold and heavy. It was good to let this go. My consciousness opened like a lotus flower, everything became vast beyond the size of this universe. Every part of the universe was part of me and every part of me was part of the universe. There was complete inclusion and acceptance. This was so far beyond any expectation. Yet, at the same time familiar, hence it wasn’t overwhelming.
Another realization came to me. Everything is known and there is nothing to learn. It was clearly understood that there is no heaven or hell. Life on earth is not a school, there is nothing to learn. Life on earth is just an experience. Nothing more.
Then, suddenly, the fierce grip of fear engulfed me. It felt suffocating, sticky, addictive, desirable, all-consuming and compelling. The fear started pulling me into reincarnation and away from all the inclusion and expansive awareness. Aspects of this fear included desire, suffering and isolation. Identifying with the fear was dragging me back into an unconscious state. Watching this, Osho’s words came back to me, 'If you can observe fear, then how can fear be part of you?' By observing the fear, I could see the separation between myself and the fear.
No sooner had I started to observe fear, its grip faded and disappeared. As the fear released, it was followed by other negative emotions of despair, guilt, greed, envy and desire for another body. This too could be observed as external addictive influences. Soon all external energy stopped. The feeling of complete awareness of center returned.
My roommate was a nurse at the time and she was with me as my body died. I watched her from a perspective outside my body. She was taking my pulse and then dropped my wrist in despair. I could also sense her thoughts. She was stressed, not because of my death, but because she was faced with dealing with my body.
Looking at the body, what arose was the perfection of the life just lived. This life could not be described as pleasant. In fact, it was filled with suffering and hardship. Yet it seemed so perfect as it was observed. Then other lives lived started to appear in a visual format. Each life appeared in a bubble; the entire life from beginning to end, in an instant, with awareness of every moment of that life as if it was just lived from birth to death. There were many lives, too many to count. Each life was perfect. Reincarnation is part of the human experience, but it is optional. Once I was aware of the addictions pulling me back to another life, then I was ready for what came next.
There was a shift and a slight movement. I did not go anywhere. I did not travel a thousand miles. It was the same place, yet it was different, less dense, and more expansive. Everything was bathed in a golden light. There were many others around me. They were all known to me, and me to them. My return was met with overwhelming rejoicing. I was home.
At the time I didn’t have words to describe the process, like dimensional shifts. I shifted, from the third to the fourth dimension as the life left my body, with ever-expanding awareness that reached to the edge of the universe. Then I shifted into the fifth dimension, where everything was illuminated and golden. Later, I heard this was what the Tibetans call 'The Land of The Golden Light.' Everything was absolute perfection.
A Being came to me and asked me to return to the body in the hotel room. My response was, 'No! I don’t want to leave this wondrous place.' Then another Being, or rather the persona of a man, seated at a table at a café, gestured for me to sit down. He introduced himself, 'In my last life on Earth, I was known as George Gurdjieff.' I did not know the name at the time. He continued, 'We need you to go back.' After my joyful reunion on this wonderful plane, I was reluctant to do so. But he asked in such a way, that I could not refuse. All communication was without words. A thought came to me, from another entity that had welcomed me back, 'If you return, you will lose all memory of this encounter.' I commenced bargaining with Gurdjieff the terms of my return, 'On one condition, that you don’t take this memory from me and that I retain all of this experience intact.' He could not refuse me either, and it was agreed to let me retain this death experience. Then he added, 'This is the last time you will have to return, I promise.' I took great comfort in this.
As I was guided back, first into the 4th dimension, I could feel the expanded awareness shutting down. Then I felt the re-entry into the cold, dense body. My roommate completely freaked out when I re-animated. The next thing I knew, an Indian doctor was at my side. He had just walked in off the street and said, 'I’ll take care of you now, I’m here to help you.' He brought me sugar water to get my blood pressure back up and ordered some medications. He never asked for any money and I never saw him again.
Date NDE Occurred: 12/1979
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Illness Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Awareness expanded beyond the universe and deep into the Void.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? After I left my body
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning.
There was no time as we know it.
Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Vision expanded and finer tuned. .
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing was replaced with expanded awareness.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I found Beings who I was very familiar with as they were know to me.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an Unearthly light? Yes everything glowed or radiated
The experience included: An unearthly landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. Everything was less dense, expanded and light was everywhere.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Detached from earthly emotions.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Everything was known.
The experience included: Life Review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. I viewed my life from birth to death
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a Boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes Physical structures were gone
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I did not want to return.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic Secular Christian
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Silence and stillness is beyond words.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated. I don't engage in belief systems
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. Belief systems do not work for me.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I do not cling to this life.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. Communication was without sound.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I saw all previous lives.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Everything is connected.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Everything is god. I would not use the word god, but it answers your question
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Not know.
Did you believe that our earthly lives Are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Life on earth is just an experience.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Life on earth is confined. Life outside this earthly theater is unlimited.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives Are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes This life is about experience that is the opposite of what we truly are.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Life on earth is just an experience.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is connection to all things.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I see the world differently than everyone I have met.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Not at this time.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words are limited.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. The experience has changed everything in this life
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Not at this time.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Nor at this time.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I only shared my experience with folks close to death. In 2105, I started sharing the experience openly.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It still is very real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Life in these bodies is confined. Life outside the body is expansive.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Not at this time
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Not at this time
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I could not answer some of the questions because it would require a long conversation.
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