The first time I do not remember well: at six I thought it quite normal to be able to talk to God (I also talked to stars of various colors). So meeting 'God' was not surprising to me. Being rejected hurt a lot.
The second time, like the first, I found myself in a tunnel of sorts. It was made up of light. If I looked directly up I could see that the light was made of many, many colors, (at age 6, I didn't know about spectrums) but the light ahead and around me was white, beyond white, beyond anything that can be described as white. I remember thinking 'I'm back' and feeling relief.
Both times, there was a figure at the end of the tunnel, male in 'feel' but non-distinguishable in features. The intensity of emotion was of overwhelming love, knowledge and belonging. Both times, I was told, by name I think, that I had to go back and that I could not come now. The 'voice' was a beautiful voice, calm and loving but, like the light, it seemed to come from both within and without and seemed to be and yet not be at the same time.
I remember, the second time, begging to be allowed to follow beyond the tunnel and I remember the disappointment at, once again, being turned back. Upon accepting the rejection, I saw myself upon the bed, saw the white coats, and heard the conversation. (One nurse was crying). And then I was back and felt a deep sadness and acceptance.
Date NDE Occurred: 'twice: once in 1960, once in 1976'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes 'first time through blood loss
second time fifth day of coma' 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
At age six I had hemorrhaged (no known reason) and by the time I was hospitalized has lost consciousness and most of my blood. At age 23, I was in a coma (no known reason). Both times my parents were told that I would not survive.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I don't know. Perhaps at the beginning. But it was all so timeless.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't know whether or not thoughts sped up as there was no thought, there was no awareness. There was just being. Longing and joy. My senses were acute to the feeling of light and love but there was no physical sense in the normal touch, taste, smell etc. category.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes At the end of the tunnel of light with even brighter light behind them so I couldn't make out details. It seemed to be male, human in shape, and emitted a benevolence, love, wisdom and calm authority. The voice was firm, but gentle when it told me I had to return.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Intense and deep joy and yet calmness.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist Christian/protestant
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Because of my experience I spent a good deal of my childhood relating to nature, and reasons etc. By the time I was in my teens, I extended my search for truth to the religions of the world reading everything I could on anything I could. As a result, I have no single tie to any single tenet.
What is your religion now? Liberal no organized religion: but faith never the less
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Because of my experience I spent a good deal of my childhood relating to nature, and reasons etc. By the time I was in my teens, I extended my search for truth to the religions of the world reading everything I could on anything I could. As a result, I have no single tie to any single tenet.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes As stated earlier, I am less concerned with earthly 'happiness' and more tolerant of others. My feelings of 'self' are small. I helped raise a boy and a girl, never having felt the need to 'own' them. They are wonderful individuals in every respect.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Yes I can describe the experiences but no, I can't make you understand.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I just 'know' things sometimes and I can sometimes 'make things happen' by just thinking about them. This takes a great deal of energy, however, and I'm always afraid of turning the gift into a parlor game so I don't allow it.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I am a different person because of these experiences. Although still skeptical of many, many things people claim, it is the people I question - not the truths behind them. I am more tolerant of others and less 'tied' to earthly concerns.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain The first time, when I was little, I told my family who just patted me on the head and murmured platitudes: the second time I knew people wouldn't believe me so told very few people. Most pretended, I think, to believe me although were quick to change the subject.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain No the first time, yes the second (because of the first). Hadn't read anything, or talked to anyone about it though.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I cannot explain.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real The calmness still lives within me. The longing still is there. The understanding is still there. Again I cannot explain.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No