Experience Description

On December 18th, 1993 (when I was forty-one years old) I suffered a cerebral hemorrhage. I died instantly. My fiancé called 911 and over the phone learned how to administer CPR to me until the paramedics arrived eight minutes later. They started my heart and rushed me off to the nearest hospital. During the eight minutes when I was unconscious, I observed (from an 'rial position) details of what occurred. I saw where I was, who was there, and what was done to me. I felt a feeling of peace that is hard to describe in words. I was not afraid and felt only like an observer. I did not necessarily want to come back to that body which was convulsing. I only remember a feeling of unexplainable peace and serenity and had no cognition of a material body, nor did I care. It did not last too long but I remember it vividly.

A few months later, the paramedics who worked at the nearby fire station (and who saved my life) had a neighborhood pancake breakfast. It was about seven months later and I was still in therapy and did not have a very good comprehension of what had happened to me. We were able to find four of the seven paramedics who had saved my life. At that time, my fiancé hadn't believed my story of what I saw happen to me. I explained it to the paramedics and they said it was exactly how they remembered it too, up to the amount of paramedics who assisted me. My fiancé said there were seven and I insisted there were six. The paramedics informed my fiancé that one of the paramedics was out in the fire truck so it could have only seen six! Since that time my fiancé then believed that, I had an out of body experience.

My fiancé Dave and I were married the next year, 1995. Unfortunately, the aneurysm had changed my personality so much, and I was so difficult for Dave to handle so we are currently going through divorce proceedings. It's sad because I still love him very much. I had many thoughts of suicide for the years after but have found a medication to help with that. I've had to pick up the pieces of my life and start over again. My two daughters, who were thirteen years and twenty-one years at the time of the aneurysm rupture, were very traumatized over it because I was not expected to live for the first two weeks and was in a coma during that time. Now they have become so very close to me and my life is worth living again. I'll never be able to be a secretary again.

My memory and my patience has been affected. I still get depressed but I lean on God for help. I started drinking for a couple years but stopped that way of life with the help and support of my friends and my daughters. I feel like living now and I will never forget the peace I felt from the out of body experience, which had made me unafraid of death anymore. I was always afraid of death. Now I know it is just a peaceful transition. My near death experience never did get any farther than above the room. I never saw a light or relatives who had passed; nevertheless, it was an experience that I know I was out of the body. I had a very spiritual experience I can never forget. God has given me another chance at life here on earth and I feel the need to find out why, but it's hard. Life has gotten a little easier now but it will never be like it was. I don't remember 1993 through 1998 and unfortunately those where my youngest daughter's teenage years. I will always feel bad for her for that. Life is a struggle but I know it will get better. There must be a reason why I'm still here. I was so glad to find a place on the Internet to share this story. It's not something I feel free to share with others unless they have been through it themselves.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 12/18/93

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Cerebral Hemorrhage Clinical death A cerebral hemorrhage caused instant death until paramedics started my heart again.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Disturbing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was above my body and felt no pain. I had no consciousness of being in a body at the time. I just looked down and saw everything that happened.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was very conscious and alert and even recognized one of the paramedics a year later when I saw him at a gym. He was surprised because there was no way I could have remembered him when I was completely unconscious at the time of the hemorrhage.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I had no cognition of time.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard no unusual sounds but I did hear what was being said and what was going on beneath me.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Above the room and looking down on what was going on but having no earthly body or fears.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Complete peace. Completely relaxed. No consciousness of anybody.

The experience included: Special Knowledge

The experience included: Boundary

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am no longer afraid of death and have since changed my religious beliefs. While on my anti-depressant pill (which I may have to take the rest of my life) I am now very easy to get along with and don't let things bother me anymore. I am now at a time in my life where I am truly looking for the answers to life.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes No one would believe me at first and it embarrassed me to tell anyone that I had an out of body experience. Also, it is very hard to explain in earthly words, this spiritual experience. To this day, I can't explain the feelings I had because they were so unlike those on earth.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part is that it helped me grow spiritually, even though it took some time. I am grateful for every beautiful day now and grateful for my family and friends. I love nature, where I live is very beautiful, and I'm grateful. I try to live my life to the fullest and have taken some trips over the last year that I never thought would have been possible. I can't really afford to do these things but I do them anyway because life is too precious to pass good experiences over. I am going to go to Europe with my daughters for Christmas - something I never would have afforded myself before. I am using my retirement money to do this and I'm not sorry. My daughters and I are closer than ever now and I makes me cry with gratitude for my precious daughters. They are very good to me and don't want to lose their mother. The worst part of this experience was losing a husband who I love dearly. It hurts very much. He hates me with a passion for divorcing him but I knew he wasn't happy with me anymore and began to abuse me. I pray someday we can be friends again.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes At first no one wanted to believe me because of my state of mind. I was in therapy and everyone thought I had hallucinated. Now, when I share with people, they listen and are more open to believing me since I am of a sounder mind and because I am able to explain in detail what I saw during the hemorrhage. Some people are very impressed and it makes me feel better.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Sometimes I wonder why, of all our family members, this had to happen to me. But then again I think I would not change it. It has made me grow and get to know and love myself more than I ever did. I appreciate life more now.