I was sound asleep and woke up to find my boyfriend raping me. He had his hands around my neck, strangling me. I remember being momentarily shocked because it made no sense and there was no precipitating fight and also because his face was so contorted. His features actually looked demonic, and I had never seen anything like that before. His eyes were even yellowish, instead of brown. I started fighting him but he was a big guy and I couldn’t budge his hands. It didn’t take long before I quit fighting and started to lose consciousness.
I couldn’t believe that my life was going to end so abruptly and at such a young age. I thought, 'Wow, it’s all over, I’m going to die now' and suddenly and seamlessly I was over my body up near the ceiling. I looked down at the young woman on the bed, being killed and raped, and felt sorry for her, but had no emotional connection to her. It was like my body belonged to someone else. I was surprised at how comfortable I was, and how easy it was to die. It all happened within a couple of minutes. I said to myself, 'Huh, I thought that one was supposed to last longer', and headed up in a light cloud. It felt so perfect. I felt like I was going home and I felt comfortable and joyous with no doubts at all. It was like every cell of my body was happy and light and felt right and I have never felt so accepted.
I started rising rapidly which was weird because I don’t remember seeing any roofs but I must have been far over my house. I didn’t care about my family, friends, beloved pets, or my murderer; I just wanted to float in my light of happiness and go home.
Suddenly, I hit an invisible wall, and I felt like I was slammed back into my body. It was horrible. He was still strangling and raping me, grinning, and I couldn’t believe they sent me back, just to be tortured again. I felt completely bereft and was angry and in despair, finding myself back in my body. Suddenly, he took his hands off my neck and I started gasping for breath and coughing. He had the most surprised look on his face, and no longer looked demonic. He sat back on my thighs and his face started turning red, and then sort of purple. He started frantically clawing at his own neck like he was pulling invisible hands away, and I remember thinking that an angel must be protecting me and punishing him. Suddenly he lost consciousness and fell forward on me.
I shoved him off and scrambled out of bed, still gasping for breath. When I shoved him, he fell off the bed onto the carpet and he made a big thump. My first thought was, 'Good, you evil SOB, I am glad God made you die', but then I got really scared. I thought, 'I have to call the police and the paramedics.' Then I thought, 'They'll think I'm crazy if I tell them I died and God strangled him.' No one would believe me. What if he has a broken neck? Would they think that I killed him? What if he haunted my house? What was I going to wear? (I know this sounds really stupid, but I was fairly young and I couldn’t find my bathrobe in my panic. I was still naked and didn’t know if I should call the police before finding my bathrobe or after.)
I decided that I had to do CPR on him so he didn’t die in my house so I rolled him over and pulled his jaw out to open an airway. As soon as I did that, he took a deep breath and started gasping for breath. His eyes were open and he looked completely terrified. I remember thinking that his eyes were actually going to come out of their sockets because they were bulging out. He grabbed my arm and kept repeating (in a hoarse raspy voice) 'I’ve been to the 'Other Place' about 5-6 times, and then he lay back down on the floor, and passed out. I was feeling nauseous, frightened, and very confused. I must have had a huge adrenaline hangover because I felt sick and exhausted, and my throat and neck hurt terribly.
I didn’t understand what had happened and I took my blanket downstairs and lay on the floor with my cats, smoking cigarettes (this was the early 80’s and everyone smoked), and trying to figure it all out. I couldn’t believe that I died, had to return, had been saved by divine intervention, my boyfriend had obviously been to Hell, and then he just fell asleep naked on the floor. It took me years to process it, and I still remember how scared, sad and awed I felt that night.
I was also amazed at how stupid and evil my boyfriend was. This was the second time he had presumably been to Hell and had never changed his path or bad behavior. He once told me, after many drinks, that he had died and seen Hell after being dead for almost 30 minutes. He let his friend inject him with drugs and had died. His friends did CPR for 30 minutes and he suddenly came back to life with no drug aftereffects. What he said was that he went into the light and was sort of in a space with a wonderful presence full of light and love, but he was aware of a shadow lurking 'in the corner', although there was no corner, of course. The light expressed infinite love and acceptance but said he had to measure out how much good and evil he had done in his life. He said his life was sort of a liquid light that was poured into a beautiful vessel of some sort on a scale. The scale measured his good vs. bad actions on earth. It obviously tipped toward bad, because the beautiful being told him that although he always loved him, he had to go with the dark shadow. Then the dark shadow grew huge and covered him, making him terrified. He screamed, 'I’m young; I’ll change' and begged to go back. Suddenly he was back in his body and his friends were doing CPR on him. My first question was, 'Well, did you change?' He said no, and that’s when I knew I had to get rid of him. Of course, I never dreamed he would lay hands on me, let alone try to kill me.
The next day I had bruises all over my neck and had a hoarse voice for days. My boyfriend had no recollection of anything that happened and was shocked to see my neck. I did not tell him what had happened, but left him soon afterward.
This is not the first time that my life has been saved by divine beings. I have been warned when I was very ill to seek medical attention and once a shining being stood at the cliff edge and stopped the out of control car I was in from going over the side into a lake.
Date NDE Occurred: 1981
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
My psycho boyfriend woke me up in the middle of a deep sleep and strangled me for no observable reason.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I realized I was connected to a force, energy, destination and purpose in a very clear way.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was high above my body observing my death and realizing I was free to go home.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see from far above my ceiling as though the roof did not exist.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain It was like a soft white cloudy tunnel.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain There was light all around.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Joy, peace, acceptance, love, happiness, fulfillment, being in the most perfect state, a complete absences of fear, pain, anxiety, and a great feeling of familiarity. It was like being lost for days and suddenly finding yourself in front of your home.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated Raised Catholic but not a churchgoer.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was raised in the Catholic Church and the experience cemented my belief that we have many lifes, no matter what the church says. It both surprised me and validated other beliefs.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I have a complete lack of respect for religious dogma that insists that all experiences must follow whatever church dictates insist. I have been lectured to by 'good' Christians who told me that the enveloping light was 'probably Satan' because I didn’t meet Jesus and the joy and love I experienced must have been false. I find people who are locked by their fears or insecurities into strict religious beliefs (Islamic, Jewish, or Christian) irritating, stupid, and hopelessly childish.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I was aware that I had had lives previously and that there was sort of a script or outline of my life telling me how long I was to live.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain Just a feeling of connection.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Some good force saved my life and stopped my murderer.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I obviously have work to do here, or I wouldn't be back.
I was raised in the Catholic Church and the experience cemented my belief that we have many lives, no matter what the church says. It both surprised me and validated other beliefs.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was aware that I had had lives previously and that there was sort of a script or outline of my life telling me how long I was to live.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes What you do matters, every day. I don't want to be around people who are uncaring, thoughtless, or without purpose.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Too strongly emotional. Words can't describe the feelings. I have never felt that wonderful in my life.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can tell when people are going to die within a month, by illness, accident, or violence.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I didn't share it for a while. I only told a few friends. My family members are atheists and didn't believe me. My super religious friends discounted it because it didn't feature the correct religious themes. It now stays with me. I told an atheist friend who was dying and it helped her let go.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I took care of my grandmother when she was dying and saw her talking to other worldly beings just before death.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I know it was real. A part of me misses being there every day.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No