Experience Description

I've suffered from Chronic Kidney Failure since I was five years old. I'm now fifty-three and three years post-transplant after six years on dialysis.

With no cure or treatment available such as dialysis until left with merely ten percent kidney function (the guideline at the time - it's now sixteen percent), I was a really sick lady having lots of problems due to end stage renal disease. At ten percent function, a renal patient is really knocking on death's door without dialysis. My event surrounds my problem with uremia and sleep apnea episodes at this point of my illness.

During most of my sleep apnea episodes, I would just stop breathing, my heart would kick start back up immediately, and then I'd immediately wake up from the jolt of the heart starting back up again. It became almost routine and I didn't worry about it too much.

But then I had the bad one. I stopped breathing and my heart stopped but instead of waking up immediately, I found myself in front of a being of light in a heavenly place of light.

During the event, I thought I was in the presence of Jesus. We spoke and I was shown a life review. The review was very fast but I seemed to comprehend everything easily despite the speed. After the review was over, I had many questions especially the meaning of life, many scientific questions and the meaning of the universe, etc., type of questions. I was given all the answers and remember that it was all so easy and so clear and why didn't I understand that before. I was told why I was born and my mission or reason for being and then told that my work wasn't done yet and that I had to go back.

I was hurt that I couldn't stay because there wasn't anything that I wanted more than to stay. Pure love is the best way to describe the being and place that I would be leaving. Under protest, I was sent back.

Next thing I recall is being plunged back into my body. I actually entered it with a thud. I immediately woke up and felt like I was being strangled. I gasped for my breath and couldn't stop coughing. It felt like somebody had run over my chest with a truck and I had severe pressure and pain.

After calming down from the attack, I remembered the entire experience but not all the important details. I thought about it quite a bit and felt that it must have been an angelic being that I saw since why would I be met by Jesus himself. I felt strongly that I had an actual NDE but couldn't be sure since I've always been a bit of a skeptic (my scientific background).

That morning I went straight to Kaiser Permanente, my medical doctors. They did several tests, electrocardiogram, etc. and I can remember the doctors talking amongst each other running from room to room and the concern on their faces but I was told that everything was okay and they adjusted my medications and added some new ones.

A few years later while being examined for transplant by the Transplant Team at Hartford Hospital, I was asked if I had any of my old records from Kaiser. I did since it was a habit of mine to get copies of all my tests.

When the Transplant team reviewed my electrocardiogram from my NDE event, the same scenario occurred where the doctors and nurses ran from room to room all talking with each other in conference in the hall.

Three of them came into my room and asked me if I had ever been told that I had a heart attack in the past. I told them no since that was my knowledge. They showed my husband and me the electrocardiogram and told me that on that night, I had a heart attack.

It was nice to have the validation that my experience was an actual NDE. Before that, I knew in my heart of hearts that I had an NDE, but this was the proof and I couldn't believe that there it was. Before that validation, I never felt I could talk about my experience with any confidence.

I've always felt that if I could be put under hypnosis that I'd remember many more of the fine details. There's nothing that I'd like more, but living in poverty due to the expense of so many years of illness, I have never been able to afford it. I'd really like to know why I was sent back and since I'm more often ill than not plus totally unable to work, I wonder what work here is it that I need to finish before I'm sent back.

The most striking thing about my NDE is what it has left me with. I am now profoundly psychic, a medium, precognitive, etc.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1990

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes IllnessHeart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) . End Stage Renal Failure, uremia and severe sleep apnea events.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal During the entire event.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the entire event.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did your vision differ in any way from normal? Everything was brighter and clearer.

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? No hearing problem at all. It was like fast telepathy and totally understood.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes A male being dressed in a white toga type garment emanating light. I felt it was Jesus or God.

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Not a light per se. Light emanated from everything especially the being. It was a place of light.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Mostly love.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Some of the things I remember about learning is that we are here because this is like a school. We learn how to interact with each other. We're here to learn how to love. There are so many things that I could write a book.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I believe the answer is yes but do not recall details.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Non-practicing Catholic with no specific religious beliefs.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I seem to be able to discriminate the wheat from the chafe so to speak when it comes to religion teachings now with a certainty that comes from other sources.

What is your religion now? Moderate Stronger Religious Beliefs but not thru organized religion

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I seem to be able to discriminate the wheat from the chafe so to speak when it comes to religion teachings now with a certainty that comes from other sources.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was explained the meaning of life type of stuff. There were many lessons from the life review. There were many scientific explanations given to me about the universe and the micro-verse, etc. I remember much and do not recall much more. I could write a book but am way too ill to do so.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I'm a way better person than before. I'm more of a listener. I'm more of a giver. I'm able to recognize true evil when I see it now which is rare but does exist.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The environment and the being's composition.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Profound psychic abilities, clairvoyant, medium, precognition.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Not particularly.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I waited quite a few years and told mostly family. I've been laughed at and family members think I'm crazy. They weren't laughing when they saw the ghost image I got of mom the day after she died. That was undeniable. I get many ghost images on camera. I'm a ghost magnet now.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard about the Raymond Moody's book many years before.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It was way different than a dream so I knew it couldn't be a dream. At the time my scientific skepticism was trying to dismiss the experience because I'm an engineer, but later I got validation.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No