I was in my living room looking in the mirror my right eye couldn't focus on my reflection I kept blinking and blinking trying to get it to focus I felt numbing going through the right side of my face leading to the top of my head. My breathing became short. It was like there was no oxygen in the air, my chest squeezed tight, everything went black, and I fell. Two hours later, I woke up. I broke the glass table I landed on with my back. I know God made sure no pieces went in my back. I thought I actually slept there all night. I thought to myself, why would I sleep here on the floor? I then realized I passed out. At the time, I thought it was a lack of iron. I did not realize that I had a minor stroke. Now talking to doctors, I realize it. When I was passed out it seemed like seconds and then I woke up I looked at the clock and noticed that I was lying on the floor for two hours. I didn't go to the doctors because I figured I just passed out no big deal.
The second time this happened I felt it coming now because my right eye saw only black. I could hardly run. I was weak; my heart was beating out of my chest 'really hard' and erratically. My breath was short and rapid I jumped into bed and figured if I was going to pass out let it be in bed this time. I waited to pass out but my heart was beating so hard I thought it was really going to pop out of my chest. I listened to it as it went boom, boom then stopped all together, and then came back. My heart was beating really fast and hard, then stopped again. This went on for like five minutes, erratic heartbeats until finally my heart stopped.
I didn't feel any pain anymore. No numbness. What was weird was I didn't breath anymore I was just lying there thinking okay what now? I didn't realize that I was dead. The pillow when I landed on the bed was halfway across one eye on my face and I tried to push it off because it was bothering me and I lifted my arm and noticed as I attempted to push the pillow off of my head my arm went right through it. I couldn't believe what had happened so I tried again. This timed it really scared me. I lifted my head, which I thought was my physical head, up to try and escape dealing with this and I watched my leg jump -- my physical leg -- from nerves I felt the flesh get cold. Once in a while my whole physical flesh jerked and jumped. The one thing I did notice was I looked at my body as if I was not a part of it anymore. Almost in a way as if it was dirty and not really me. I was happy in a way that I wasn't in it but then sad that it died that way.
I feared most of all that I was going to Hell. My flesh was my only hope on still being able to really give my life to Jesus, now it was too late. I thought like a child, innocent and pure. I couldn't make up excuses on why I was going to Hell. I couldn't lie. Then I started to see through the walls. I saw through the pillow with both eyes -- 'still thinking physical'. I saw this small black image hovering over the pillow looking straight into my eyes. It kept looking in a eager and greedy way and I could hear what it was thinking. It was waiting for me to leave my body. This figure reminded me of a 'half human and frog being', it stood like a frog, with its face was mutilated. Its eyes were so black you fell into them as you looked into them. I screamed at it, 'I don't belong to you I belong to God! I belong to Jesus!' I finally realized I was dead. I started to cry but I felt no tears roll down my face. I just kept crying out I belong to you God I belong to you Jesus! There was no response. My life passed by me as I lay there. I thought of all the times I sinned and all the times I was good which were very few. I kept repeating these words, 'I don't want to die.' I waited for God to talk to me but there was no response.
The demon left my side after I mentioned Jesus' name but Jesus did not come to get me. I was alone. I didn't see any tunnels, I guess because I refused to accept my death. I stopped saying I don't want to die and just cried. I cried so much that I went into a deep depression. My soul felt heavy on the bed. I knew at that point that I did not give my life to God after all. My life was all a lie. I just thought to myself, I deserve to go to hell I was a fifthly sinner I don't deserve to go to heaven. It came to a point to where I just gave up. I didn't care anymore I couldn't cry because I was cried out and God and Jesus had every right to ignore me because that's what I did to them all of my life. I knew not only was my flesh dead but so was my soul. I was in total despair. I kept hearing my mom's voice; you have to really give your life to God. You have to really accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. I didn't and it was too late. The last words I said were I deserve this. For at least it seemed like hours, I lay there like a zombie.
Then all of a sudden, these words came out of me. Now let me make this clear I never read the bible and never cared at all, about what it said. 'Father why hast thou forsaken me?' It was repeated one more time and I was just lying listening to this voice coming out of my soul's mouth. My whole soul felt peace and love. Inside my physical stomach I felt a snap way deep down inside. A warm feeling ran through my body like electricity. I jumped out of bed and started running all over the house, I knocked things over running for about fifteen minutes. I kept saying thank you Jesus for having mercy on me. Finally, I stopped running and thought of what just happened? I knew it was the mercy of God that I was living again.
My heart felt brand new, its beat was soft and smooth. I looked at the clock to see how long I was dead and I was dead for about one hour, maybe more. I am perfectly healthy to this day and I have given my life to Jesus. I thank him for the gift of life he gave me on that day. My advice to you is love is the answer. God is love. I died when I was twenty-one in 1991 that was the day I truly gave my life to Jesus.
Date NDE Occurred: 1991
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Heart attack Clinical death
I think I was having a heart attack.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I did feel like I no longer lived in the flesh. I felt my flesh go cold. My soul couldn't feel tears and even a heartbeat. I didn't breath anymore. My thoughts were pure and true. I couldn't make up excuses.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? It seemed like I wasn't dead at all. I could see through things like walls, etc. I actually thought I could still move my body but it didn't move only my soul did. I looked at my body and thought I was in that? My body was like a strange being to me. I knew that this was really me, (my soul) and that my flesh was all I knew while it lived. Now that my flesh died I found out it wasn't me after all.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time didn't exist. Space was everywhere. Everything seemed like it was one. This earth separates things while the spiritual world is all one world.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard in my life's review, the views in sound. I heard Jesus speak through me.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I felt as if I was in a void where nothing existed. I kept saying to myself that I am nothing. My life was nothing. I will lie here forever. It seemed like it was without time.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw an evil spirit along the side of my face looking into my eyes that disappeared when I said Jesus' name. The demon was waiting for me to leave my body. Its actions spoke. I heard my voice speak but I didn't move my mouth. I didn't feel my tongue move. I talked out of my soul. The voice just projected from me.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt alone, lost, depressed, and most of all, forgotten. I also didn't want my loved ones to find me dead. It really worried me that they would find me in the position my body landed in. Most of all I thought my boyfriend would not be able to cope with it. I refused to accept death. I also felt confined and powerless.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe That we must give our lives to Jesus in order to get to heaven.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I saw how much I loved people on this earth. I saw all the bad things I did. I saw the little loved I spread. I saw how much my life surrounded my own selfish needs. The ending consisted of me not giving my life to Jesus.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I felt as if I left my body that I would not be able to go back to it. I thought that if I stayed I had a better chance of it coming back to life. I felt helpless as if I couldn't move my body and if I moved my soul It would leave my body. I waited for God or Jesus to respond to what it seemed like forever. The boundary was that. If I left, I would go to Hell. So I stayed in my flesh.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I said at least a hundred times that my life belonged to God and Jesus and that I didn't want to die. Jesus heard me crying. He knew that I finally gave up altogether and left it up to him to decide. Whether to let me stay dead or to give me life. He chose to give me life through his grace and mercy. My decision now is that my life belongs to him.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I now know the truth.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes People who never died are quick to judge. People are afraid of dying so they don't want to hear it. I don't know anyone on a personal level who has died and came back to life.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best was coming back to life. My worst was finding out that I was going to Hell. (There is no life without Jesus.)
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes They don't understand it because it never happened to them. Some people get scared. In general my loved ones are happy I am alive again.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No