My family was camping at Cape Lookout near Tillamook OR right on the ocean. I believe I was about 14 years old. I'd met a girl from another family camping there who was my same age and we were playing in the ocean together. I was in waist deep water when I stepped into a deep sinkhole and was pulled under by the current. I was terrified and fought desperately to reach the surface, but the current was too strong. Soon I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and love and literally was aware of my soul leaving my body through the top of my head. There was no distress involved in this and I felt no sorrow or sadness for the body I was leaving behind, I didn't even look back at it. I was immediately embraced by an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance and was in a tunnel like space surrounded with indescribable colors and music. These were not colors or musical notes I'd ever heard before. There was no fear, just an unbelievable sense of love.
Ahead of me was a very bright light. I remember thinking that it was so bright, that if I looked at it, it would hurt my eyes; but it didn't. I didn't yet realize what the light was but I immediately knew that that is where all things come from, and it is where all things return, and that when I was back inside the light I would know and be everything. I didn't see any people or sense their presence. I didn't see any sort of buildings or anything other than the beautiful colors. I didn't hear anything other than the music.
I was given messages; no one gave them to me, I just knew them, and the closer I came to the light the more anxious I was to be in it; to 'return' to all love and all knowledge. The first message I was given was that the single most important thing in the Universe is Love, that love is all that matters, that we are all the same and that we are all love. The message that caused me the most curiosity was that we are all the same, and it went on to say that, I was exactly the same as everything in the universe and was specific enough to tell me that I was exactly the same as every blade of grass. Then I was given the message that it wasn't my time to be there and that I had things I needed to do here on this plane.
I was upset by this news because this was the most indescribable, loving, and all-encompassing feeling I'd ever had and didn't want to return. I even remember protesting but being gently told that I had to come back to complete the things I was sent here to do. I had no sensation of returning to my body, my first memory was of being grabbed by my hair by my swimming companion, the girl I'd met on the beach, and being pulled back up to the surface. My initial reaction was anger because I didn't want to be back, I wanted to be in the light. My second reaction was fear over what had just happened.
As I grew up I never spoke of any of this because I thought people would think I was crazy, it wasn't until the seventies when Kubler-Ross came out with her book 'On Death and Dying' did I really start to think about it. There were so many similar stories that I thought maybe I wasn't crazy after all.
As the years went on, I struggled with what the message about me being specifically the same as every blade of grass. I took college science, physics, biology, chemistry and math classes to seek answers. I learned the specific differences between a plant and animal cell and could find no connection whatsoever. I knew love was the foundation for everything. One day I was flipping channels on the TV and came across a program on physics, which I love, and stopped to listen to it. The discussion was about 'String Theory' and it hit me like a ton of bricks, after all those years and all of my searching for answers to the blade of grass message I had my answer.
It was like being hit over the head with a baseball bat it was so clear to me. When I was in college one of the great physics findings was the discovery of Quarks, the smallest part of atoms, how nothing smaller could exist but I had this profound feeling that if a Quark could be discovered and measured, on any level, then it had to be divisible and that there had to be something inside them.
The TV program explained that inside every Quark are thousands if not millions of strings, which are pure energy. They are different shapes, closed like rubber bands or open, and the shape and vibration of the strings inside the quarks inside the atoms determined if something was 'going to be a rock, an elephant, a person or a blade of grass!' That was my answer, I knew that we were all made up of energy, I understood the laws of physics, I knew quarks were divisible and they used the same verbiage. We are the same as every blade of grass. It became completely clear to me what my long ago message had meant, and even though I'd always accepted and known that everything was the same now I knew why. Plant and animal cells are totally different, in all my searching for answers in my classes there was never an explanation to me until then.
I am reading Anita Moorjani's book 'Dying to be Me.' Her experience was so similar to mine in so many ways; most importantly the unbelievable and indescribable feeling of love and of being literally a part of everything that it brought it all back to me. I've certainly never forgotten any of it, but it really made me remember the specific experience and love. It wasn't just that I FELT unbelievable love, I WAS unbelievable love. God is love and that God was within me and all of us. I am not a religious person, because of my experience; to me the answers do not lie in any organized religion. I know that every society, no matter how remote or how primitive, all recognize a higher power, whether it be a tree, a rock or waterfall, or the ceremonies in organized religion. To me the answers lie within us, but even with this knowledge and even with having actually been on the other side and gaining such knowledge, I still live in the human form and it is far too easy to get caught up in life's events. I saw your website in her book and literally closed the book and went to this site to share my story.
It is real. It is unexplainable. It is the most amazing experience I'd ever had, or ever will have while on this plane, but I know it's real because I was there, if only for a few moments. I know that similar experiences are different for different people but I also know that there are enough similarities and shared experiences that it's real. I know because I was there, it is real.
My goal for myself is to remember it all, to share with those who are open to it or interested in it.
Date NDE Occurred: 1962
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drowning 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
I was caught in an undertow in the ocean and was unable to surface.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I felt a love I'd never felt, the colors and the music were so amazing, I knew I was part of all of this. I didn't really understand it, but knew that when I got into the light, I would know all and be all, and that it was where everything comes from and returns to. Love was everything.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I felt myself expanding and realizing that I was returning to the source of all love and all wisdom.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Because I was rescued quickly I know I couldn't have been there for more than a few seconds or maybe a couple of minutes. It seemed as though I was a part of time that it had no meaning as we know it.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the experience was pure joy and love, immediately prior was pure terror as I knew I was caught in the ocean current and unable to breath, I fought as hard as I could.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing during the experience was heightened. The music I heard was nothing I'd ever heard, and I didn't just hear it; I was it. Immediately prior, I was underwater and have no specific recollection of hearing anything.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes A tunnel of colors with beautiful music.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No There was very bright light ahead of me. I was concerned that it would hurt my eyes if I looked at it, but it didn't. I knew that everything came from the light and returned to it, and I knew that when I was inside it I would have all knowledge, that I would be all knowledge and love.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was indescribable. But the most important thing I can say is that it was real and that it was total, all-consuming love.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt love, love, love; pure love, acceptance, warmth, peace, knowing without any doubt that this is where we all came from. Sweet, sweet love, all love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I understood that love was the most important message and that we are all the same. I was told that I, personally, was exactly the same as every blade of grass. Many years later, after much research on how this could be possible, studying in college to see how my cells could be the same as plant cells, I learned about 'String Theory.' I saw the light ahead and while I already felt I was gaining knowledge of the Universe, I knew when I got to the light I would be knowledge.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I was given the message that it wasn't time for me to be there yet, and that there were things on this earth that I needed to do. I remember being so disappointed and questioning this and being told that I had to come back to complete the things I was to do.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No I was only a child. My parents made me go to Sunday school, which I hated. To me they were all hypocrites. One of the most 'religious' men I knew was our next-door neighbor who tried, on multiple occasions, to sexually abuse me. He'd have the Bible in one hand and his other hand under my skirt. As a kid I think I believed in a higher power, but knew it wasn't to be found in a church, at least not for me.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I'd had beliefs, I was a child, but in this experience I was given knowledge. A belief is a belief, knowledge is power.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know that everyone is the same, that all of us are connected and that we all need to remember that love is truly the answer.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I didn't so much hear a voice as I sensed it. It was very clear and I knew it was real and right.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes That love is the most important thing in the universe.
That I am the same as everything, specifically being told that I was the same as every blade of grass leading me to a lifetime of research to try to undestand what that meant.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Absolutely yes!!! We are all connected to every single thing, that we are all the same, that we continue after earthly death. I do believe in reincarnation, but received no messages regarding it. My belief is that while in the light we choose.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I didn't see a God like being, I saw no beings, but was immediately aware that there was a power there that has been described as God. This energy was communicating with me and this energy gave me very specific messages. This was also the same energy that told me I had to return to my body, that I hadn't completed the things I was sent to do. I felt totally at one with this energy, it was a part of me, as if I was the energy source and was communicating with myself, but I knew it was a much higher power that I was a part of. I feel that this energy, or God like awareness is within myself and that being in the tunnel I became one with it, or somehow my spirit allowed this awareness to return to me. I knew that all knowledge was in the light and that once there I would be and know everything and was anxious to enter it, it was like going home only magnified a billion times. I was comforted, accepted, loved and I felt a total connection with the supreme energy force.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I knew I was to love and to help people. I feel my purpose is to offer kindness, love and happiness to people, even if it's just a smile to someone in the grocery store who hasn't been smiled at in a while. Years after my Women in Transition course, I ran into a woman who had been in our class, at the time she was a very frightened little woman who had no power and was afraid of her husband and everything in her life. When I re connected with her I couldn't believe it was the same woman! She was strong, and empowered, she had divorced her husband and started a new life and was happy! As we chatted and caught up, I told her how happy I was for her, and how strong she had become, that she'd taken her own power back and could now live in joy. She then told me that I was the reason. I was literally shocked and had no clue what she was talking about. She went on to say that during our class, she listened to my story, that several of the things I said resonated in her and that she knew that if I could do it she could do it. Over the years, every time I see her, happy now, re married to a wonderful man, she thanks me and can't tell me enough how I helped change her life. That is powerful and very humbling.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Lif's meaning or purpose is love. Clear and simple, love.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes As I approached the light I knew that was where I had come from, where everything had come from, and that everything returns to. I knew that I was a part of and connected to everything, that everything was love and energy and that we are all a part of it
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Yes! It was total love, everything is love.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I have the luxury of having been blessed by this experience at a very young age. Over the years, while I do tend to get caught up in life's struggles, I have the ability to return to my experience to remind and re set my thinking on the true thing important in life; love.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I don't know how to explain it, I feel like there have been times in my life when my experience has helped me to get back in touch with the reality of it all when I've been consumed by other people's actions and behaviors. I feel I've been able to help people, and I believe I've shared the message with the people in my life who were ready to hear it.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I don't have the words to describe it. There aren't any words to really describe it, we're not aware of that love and acceptance and beauty in this plane.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It was the single most profound experience of my life.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I've had a few psychic experiences, but one stands out. I was driving home from work one afternoon and I got a vivid picture of my daughter, who was married w/a family, standing in front of her stove. She was barefoot and wearing shorts and stirring a big pot of spaghetti sauce, which she spilled all down the front of her causing severe burns to her lower body. I couldn't get home fast enough, this was well before cell phones and I called her the moment I got home. I asked her what she was doing and sure enough she was cooking spaghetti sauce, barefoot and in shorts. I think my call saved her from severe injury, my vision was so clear, I even saw the clothes she was wearing which were accurate.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? That love is everything, that we are all exactly the same and that we all have tasks to complete here on earth.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes This happened when I was about 14. I didn't discuss it with anyone until well into adulthood. It wasn't ever something I just brought up for no reason, but if the conversation lent itself, I would talk about it. Whenever I have spoken of it, I always preface it by saying that I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, that I would just like to share my experience. Some people have been moved to tears, some people skeptical and some downright disgusted and telling me how wrong I am.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was overwhelmed. I didn't say anything to anyone. I never even told my Mother what had happened in the ocean. I knew I'd had a life altering event and had been shown amazing things but I kept it all to myself until well into adulthood.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was real, I was there. I had the experience.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I wish it would.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was the best thing that ever happened to me.