What I tell you I haven't told many people because when I do tell someone, they look at me like I'm a nut. But I promise you that it is the absolute truth.
I'm 45 now.
When I was age 20, my friend and I had gotten my very large car stuck and didn't know how to get it out. We were trapped in the mud, rocks, and in the car in a place where there was no one around for miles. We were very frightened and began to cry. I happened to have an antique rosary hanging on my mirror and holding it I said to my friend, I think we should pray. I'd never in my life prayed with anyone. I was not a 'good' girl and my family never went to church. I was very afraid and out of options. We closed our eyes and simply asked for help. With our eyes still closed, I heard a knock on my drivers side window and looked to see a pale faced, curly white-haired young man smiling at me. Instantly, I thought, 'It's an Angel!' I had no doubt in my mind and no fear of this Being. He asked us to slide over so he could drive us out of the mess I'd gotten us into. We slid over and he said, 'fasten your seat-belts'. We both did what he asked. He put his arm over my seat to look over his shoulder and gunned the gas . We violently bounced around the front seat until suddenly we where out of danger and on flat ground again. The young man got out of the car and so did we to thank him. When we had thanked him and gotten back into the car, we looked around. He had disappeared. We could see far into the woods through tall, skinny trees so we knew nothing was obstructing our view. One minute he was there, the next he was gone.
A few years later, I was leaving the home of a friend who lived high up a hill. Some of the streets leading down the hill were very steep. It was an icy night. My boyfriend at the time, was sitting next to me as I drove down the steep hill. I lost control of my car as it was sliding fast and heading straight into an oncoming pick-up truck. I knew if I didn't hit the truck, I'd go over the guardrail and crash down a steep hill on the other side of the street. My thinking became slow and calm as I calculated it all. I said in my mind, 'I don't want to die!' As if a hand reached out of the sky and picked up our car. In a flash, we where amazingly at the bottom of the hill, parked on the side of the street and the truck was safely passing us.
After my father died in 2001, I was so angry with him. He was a mean drunk and not at all a good father or a good man. That night after the funeral, I was lying in my bed and seething with strong anger. I felt him around me and I yelled for him to get out of my life. Eerily, in my mind's eye, I saw a dark black shadow get sucked off and away from me. I only remember regretting having said that because I knew he was gone from me.
Fast forward to 2002. I was a miserable person, having had a painful childhood. I married the first person who asked me because I was trying to find happiness. I did love him and he loved me but I always had a pitiful emptiness inside of me. I began looking for God. I read everything I could get my hands on, Mormon, Jewish, Koran the Bible, but I was so afraid that I'd pick the wrong religion that I was frozen and unable to decide between them. One day my husband said, 'Stop sitting on the fence and just pick something.' At work in the office one afternoon, I explained my predicament to a lady friend and she suggested I go on a website for a church in my neighborhood that she thought I'd like. I did and on the site was a prayer that was to accept Jesus. At that time I was the most broken, messed up girl you could imagine. I'd done things to be so ashamed of that I could barely live with myself. Most days, I wanted to take my own life. In that moment, as I sat at my computer and for the first time ever, I had given up trying to be happy because I knew nothing I did would ever fix what was wrong with me. I read that prayer, asking Jesus to take over for me and I closed my eyes. Suddenly, there was a brilliant Golden light. It was something I can't describe because there isn't a word that is beautiful enough. With the Golden light came peace that filled like warm liquid accompanied by a feeling of rejoicing in heaven. I thought to myself, 'I've never felt so good in all my life.' I took a deep breath not wanting to ever leave that moment. I kept my eyes closed as long as I could until I realized I'd better open them before someone came into my cubical. Opening my eyes I went about my business, only vaguely thinking how odd that was. On the way home in my car that day, I noticed that unlike my usual drive home, I didn't want to smash my car into the guardrail. It was as if someone had taken the blinders off the sides of my eyes and pulled away the clouds that hung dark over me. I said out-loud to myself, It's going to be OK. Not long after, people began to comment that I'd changed for the better.
In 2009, I had another experience. My cousin, a meth addict, had lost custody of her first two children to their father. She was and was again pregnant for a third time but by a different man, only this time to a drug-dealing convict. Neither my cousin or the man were fit to care for a baby. I hadn't talked to my pregnant cousin in over a year but knew from an aunt she would be having a baby. I prayed constantly for the safety of her baby and only had a vague idea of when it would be born - sometime in the fall.
On an afternoon while shopping with my mom and four year-old son, I had this nagging feeling that persisted all day to the point of absolute anger. I didn't know what my problem was, but I felt as though someone kept prodding me without touching me. My mom who at the time lived up north, was sleeping over at my house that night and she shared the bedroom with my son while I was on my bed reading a book. At three in the morning, unable to sleep because of the persisting annoyance, I finishing the book I was reading and closed it. As I set it on the nightstand, I heard in my head as clear as if someone was in the room with me, 'Pray.' I didn't know what to think and so pushed it away. But again I heard 'Pray.' I tried to ignore it. Then a third time it was as if someone hollered at me, I heard. 'Get on your knee's and pray!' I was never so scared in my life. It was like a fire was lit under me. I jumped out of bed as I said, OK! OK! and I was on my knees asking, 'What should I pray for?' Again as if someone was in the room with me, I heard 'Pray for your cousin and the baby.' Frantically I prayed, 'Please take care of them.' Clear as a bell the voice said, 'Call your Aunt Debbie tomorrow.' I said, 'OK.' Then, just like nothing ever happened, all the anxiety and stress I'd felt all day was gone. I climbed in bed and was fast asleep within a moment. The next morning I called my Aunt Debbie who said my cousin had her baby taken away from her because the baby had meth in her system. My cousin wanted my family to foster her infant. We did foster her and she has been a joy in our lives ever since.
Date NDE Occurred: 1991,1995,2001,2002,2009
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain. None are near death experiences, but and one is fear death experience, when I was about to hit the truck
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. In each instance it was as if I had full clarity
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I saw the golden light. I have spent years hoping that it would happen again because nothing on this earth feels as perfect as that golden light.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning.
Time slowed down while I was heading to hit the truck and then suddenly time didn't exist because I was parked on the side of the road and I couldn't remember how we got there. When I saw the golden light time slowed way down or didn't exist.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No differance
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No difference unless you count that I didn't hear with my ears when God spoke to me but I hear him in my mind
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes An amazing golden light
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? When I saw the angel, I felt calm and unafraid, almost like it was totally normal for a stranger in the woods to suddenly pop up out of nowhere. When I almost hit the truck I was in shock afterwards and unable to move. My boyfriend had to stir me to get me to come to myself again. After my father died and I lay in bed, I was angry and then regretful. When I saw the golden light, I was in bliss. When I was told by my Aunt that my cousin wanted us to foster I burst into tears and sobbed because of the shock of knowing that God had talked to me.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I tried going to many churches but I never fit in. Maybe it is because my childhood is so different than the norm. I'm back to just chattering away at God but now our relationship is much bigger and I teach my son about Jesus and God.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian. After seeing the golden light, I knew I was 'saved' by Jesus.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I don't know that I had beliefs except that since I was a kid and partly because I was in an abusive home, I talked to God a lot. I had no one at all to turn to so I was always chattering away to him. As I Got into bad stuff after high school I stopped talking to God. I don't know that I had beliefs other than talking to God as if talking to a friend.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I knew God was real and I started behaving like he's real
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. God spoke to me and I saw and spoke to an angel
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes God, Jesus and an Angel
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes When I was in the golden light, I felt or am not sure maybe heard in my mind, happiness or joy from other beings. It was like the angels rejoicing when I accepted Jesus.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God Spoke to me
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists. Uncertain I wasn't given any information that there is an afterlife but because of the experiences and mainly when God spoke to me, I'm sure there is an after life.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Unknown
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. Before I accepted Jesus, I was lost and wanted to kill myself for many years. After I accepted Jesus I slowly became less burdened and stopped wanting to kill myself. My best friend who's known me since we were 12, told me out of the blue one day that she couldn't believe the change in me. I had stopped wanting to go to the bar and stopped wanting to party all the time. I've seen that I've stopped feeling lost and hopeless and the hole inside me has been filled.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My best friend has become standoffish about me talking about what's happened to me. She wants nothing to do with God. It makes our relationship strained.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain, yes and no. There is no way to describe the golden light in a way to express how amazing it is.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Everything that happened seems as clear to me as though it just happened.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The golden light because I want to much to go back to it.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I'm not sure. I think a few weeks or a few months. People didn't believe me and so I've stopped telling people.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. At first I didn't put much thought into any of them but as time went on it began to sink in and then I started thinking them over and realizing how significant they where.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I see it as God intervening on my behalf and it's made me not doubt his existence.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain. Not sure what this means. Each incident only happened once.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think it covers everything