My name is David; I live in Hawaii, I am 32 years old, and am a survivor of NDE. I have not spoken to any support groups of this since then, it has had a significant change on my life, and at times, it seemed as though I was crazy. Now I know that the crazy part was simply a kind of denial and doubt.
The year was 1990 and I was living in the east bay of northern California. I had just returned from a skiing trip at Squaw Valley. It was the first time I had ever seen snow. Somehow, I had come down with a cough that seemed like nothing at first, so I continued to go to work as a waiter at the Berkeley Host Marriott. I believe at this time the weather condition in the bay area was very extreme as it was somewhere near the ending of the year, which was very cold for this island boy. I was a young and angry man, angry with God because I was gay. So this I took with me on my journey to the other side. As I know now, I should never be this angry again. It was late evening when I returned home to my aunty Maile’s house. No one was home. I think my aunt and uncle may have gone to a family party, and my sister was still doing late night PBX management at the Oakland Sheraton.
My cough had gotten much worse by then and I found it very difficult to take in and let out my breath without struggle. At that point, I could vaguely remember someone's personal account of her bout with walking pneumonia when I was eating lunch at the ski lodge in Squaw Valley. I was wrapped in very warm clothing to keep from getting colder. The wind was loud outside, and I kept hearing my father’s voice in my head saying, "Boy, what's wrong with you, don't you know there is no sick in this family?" his voice in my head made me feel strong again. I stood up in attention and answered, “Yes, Dad I know.” I put on my mittens, my winter cap, my shoes, and headed for the door to walk this cold off. I failed in my walk less than a quarter of the ways down the neighborhood block and struggled quickly to stand up and look my best to make it back home hopping that the neighbors did not see my weakness. I was dying, and I knew it. A little denial before death is always natural, as it always seems that the experience is very surreal.
I was back on my couch, unable to move comfortably. I finally made it back to my room to lie down. It was a very small spare room in the house, much like a large walk in closet. The room was decorated nicely with all of the things that I liked. The room 'sthetics alone were a great comfort. In the middle of the night, I had finally drifted into sleep and was awakened by the hard stabbing pain in my chest. My eyes were wide opened and looking up towards the ceiling in terror. My mouth was wide opened and was unable to draw in the next breath. I was choking and convulsing in my bed. The pain was beyond words. My vision was now leaving and I could only here the sounds and feel the pain slowly subside from some kind of natural drug euphoria released from my brain. Then there was no more physical pain, still I could hear the body and its last kicks against the bedside wall - and then there was nothing.
I am still here, I thought. Perhaps, I should get up and see exactly what all the commotion was about. I walked towards my bedroom door and stopped. I turned around and was unable to view the body that still rested in my bed. My room was the same, but different. It seemed that everything I owned had a strange and beautiful glow to them. A blue/green aura of light was emitted from all the things that I owned. I saw my foot and handprints glowed where I walked or where I touched. I was fascinated and so preoccupied by this, that I temporarily forgot about what had just happened. I was not sure if I was to wait here in my room or make a move for adventure.
At first, I tried for the bedroom door and reached out to open it. My arm went through up to my elbows. I could sense the feel of others out there who wallowed in great sorrow like nothing else mattered. It was frightening, so I pulled my arm back in. I looked towards my window and saw that the branches of the tree kept hitting up against the window from the storm still going on outside. I considered returning to my body, but it seemed like it was no longer an option. The single light bulb that I left on above my head was starting to glow brighter and brighter. This was the entrance, I told myself, so I decided to reach out to the light and go. Go, I did - very very fast. All of my life's record played back from my birth until my death.
I went to a very stormy place. This was, perhaps, the destination that I reached when having died in anger at a time when I could not remember having much peace in my heart. I remember mentioning that at this place there was an after-echo in my "thought voice." My voice would echo straight out towards the horizon before me and always return back into me from the horizon behind me. This, I thought was very annoying. This place I reached was not a comfortable environment at all. Storms like no other storm seen on earth would unfold before me in the sky and on the ground of this new and shaken planet. There were various sizes of volcanic vents around me. They would blow steam and heat at any given moment. Sometimes, ghost apparitions would appear in the steam blast and start to wander around; lost as if searching for something they cannot find.
One of the ghosts blasted out of the vent nearest me, it was a women. She frightened me. She was dressed in very ancient garb, torn in places, and appeared to be very dirty. She had no feet below, so she sort of drifted on air. She was approaching my space very slowly. When she reached close enough for me to touch, I chose to communicate.
I asked her if she was able to tell me the name of this place. She would not answer. However, she slowly crept even closer to me as if she was going to take, steel, or hurt me. I know all thoughts are heard here, so you can't hide a plan for yourself. Instead, you just have to come out and say it. So I said very stern, "who are you!!" She then tore off a part of the shroud that hid her face and showed me only bone and skull. Her jaw opened wide, as if dislocated, and she rose completely out of her robe and swooped down at me for a bite. It was my left shoulder, my spirit body. The pain was so great, it was worse than death. At that very moment as she swooped around in mid-air to take on another bite of my spirit, I dropped down on to my knees and cried out for God.
The spirit women placed her hands on her head and disappeared back into the ground vent. I noticed the other approaching spirits did the same. Still I cried for God, and asked if he would forgive me for speaking so crude of him back on earth and if he would accept me back and take me home, away from this strange land.
It was at that moment that I also realized that my voice would no longer echo and return back into me. Instead, I would roar out his name unto the summit of the horizon and his name alone would explode into light and sound. The rest of the spirits around me would show fear as if God was not any comfort to them at all. This was sad to me, but it was also a joy for me to know that God had accepted my apologies, as the light on the horizon would expand in my direction.
So beautiful was his light, words cannot express. His light was like the rising sun. And like the sun, he rose up from behind the mountains into the sky. Love poured into every part of my being and my soul was revitalized. The planet was also changing under His light. I saw parts of the mountains tear open and gush forth in the form of waterfalls. The dark clouds above my head shrank backward at an amazingly swift pace. God has come; His light is warm and welcoming. I had then reached a high level of calm and peace.
Slowly as His light would shed across the land, you could see grass come up out of the ground. Huge trees would tear out of the surface and stand tall before me. Birds of all kinds would fly about the sky. All of God’s creatures came out of the forest as if to greet me. This was the grandest welcome back home. Tears of joy and laughter are all of the words I can sum up from this experience. His light then grew extremely bright. I had been completely bathed in white light. God held me lovingly in his embrace for a time. His light grew brighter until I could barely see anything.
At this point, I could sense that it was time for me to go back to earth. Looking at God, I said "Please Lord, can I stay?" Hush, He would say, your time on earth has not been completed. Now, go off and be a good lad for there is much more for you to learn. I thanked God endlessly during my journey home to earth, then there. WHAM!!! I am in my body again, enough, I don't know if that is really a word but that's what it feels like when you first get a body back, so "enough" ok.
Yes, I was now back in my living vehicle, checking all systems for go, no problems detected. The lung system was completely cleared!! I was shocked, disoriented, and a little confused. These are the words that come to my mind after entering a human body. The next could be forms of denial. So here comes the denying man’s logic check; question? Did I smoke too much pot and go on a weird trip. The answer lies in the evidence around me. I went for a walk through the house, my winter jacket and gloves were thrown around in different areas like in a struggle. The telephone was still programmed for 911, the operator scolded me. I had to check, I was back into my room with my back against the wall. I slowly sat back down and waited for the sun.
This had to be one of the most beautiful mornings that I had ever seen. The sky was bright pink and the sun embraced the horizon. Even now, when there are days when life gets too tense, that is when I know it is time to stop and watch the sunrise. Many times, I can still see Him smiling in the sun and shinning on my face. That is a comfort to me, and so is the knowledge that we have a home to go to when we have finished life's lessons and labor.