Writing this down is both exhilarating and difficult. Only my dearest friends know of the incident because it was months before I could even speak of it. It was my doctor who actually categorized what I experienced as a near-death experience. I corrected him by saying it was a 'death experience'. I know I was dead. I know that I'm only here because 'my children were not yet prepared' and I was to assist them in 'raising their children'.
You must understand that I now 'KNOW' my disabled, wheelchair bound son will have a girlfriend after he moves out of my home and the two of them will have children. The tears fall easily as I write this. It was never in my wildest dreams that my son would even have a girlfriend let alone have children. My son is disabled. He has been in a chair since the age of eight. He was born with a congenital defect on the top of his head. Actually, he was born without his 'soft spot' enclosed with skin. His brain was exposed. It sounds severe and it was. But he has grown into a wonderful young man. So you can understand why I never, ever, ever thought he would become a father. I always assumed it would be my daughter who would give me grandchildren.
I went to the doctor initially because I could no longer tolerate the pain in my left arm. It was searing. My arm was numb. It was useless and I put it into a sling for months. I knew it had been hurt during the 'attack' but I could not tell anyone what happened. I just told people, family/friends/co-workers etc. that I must have wrenched it lifting my son. They knew that I was 'no longer engaged' and that it 'didn't work out'. So my moping around, my inability to focus, my constant crying was easily explained. In reality, he tried to kill me.
I never saw it coming. It had been a difficult year for us in that he was so distant, emotionally. He had confessed to having 'had' my best friend and then two weeks later, she was pregnant. I was angry, hurt, humiliated (publicly). But I managed to wait and watch him act like an idiot as he tried to keep the peace. I decided to break it off. The baby came. It was her husband's child. He decided 'we' needed to focus on 'us'. I did not want him anymore. My father died. Thanksgiving came and went. I spent Christmas with me and my children. He came over on the 26th. Just came, unannounced. I didn't want to go out with him. I had made plans to go to my friend's home to play poker. He said he'd go with me. He stayed an hour or so and then left, telling me he would be back to pick me up.
He called several times that evening asking when I'd be ready to leave. I didn't call him back. I didn't feel like it. I stayed with my friends. It was nearly 1:00 in the morning. The phone rang again. This time he was outside, waiting for me, waiting to take me home. I picked up my purse and my quilting and went outside.
It was so weird. He was sitting in the passenger side of his car. The driver's side door was open. He said for me to drive, that he'd had too much to drink. I had never, ever driven his new cherry red, Chrysler, Concorde. No one was allowed to drive it.
I didn't know where anything was. The lights, the turn signals, the defroster, nothing, but I drove it. I was almost home when he reached across me and grabbed my left hand pulling at my diamond ring. I pulled my arm back. Told him 'STOP IT'. He completely twisted around and came across me. It took everything I had to bring the car onto my street and stop it. As I put it in park, he lounged completely on top of me. He put his right arm around my bound up body, twisting my left arm backwards behind me. He put his right forearm on my neck cutting of my air. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. His whole body was on top of me. My right shoulder was bent between the front seat and the back seat. My right elbow jammed into the space between the console and the seat. My right wrist twisted and my fingers jammed between the console and steering column. I was trying to untwist out of my position. But my left shoulder was caught and stuck against the left door jam. I was sunk into the seat. The weight of his body was completely over me as my head was dangling past the console and tilted to the back floor. He continued to push his forearm onto my neck. My body started to shake, and shake, and shake - I could not stop it - then I could not move. Not anything. No part of my body. I was aware that I had urinated and that I had a bowel movement. I was drenched in my own fluids - I wasn't breathing anymore.
I didn't need to breath. I didn't need to see. I watched him. I was no longer in my body. I (my 'self') was watching him. He climbed off me. He was poking at me. He kicked me. He was trying to make my body move. But it wouldn't. He got out of the car. He reached back in and started to pull at my body. He pushed it this way and then another way. He was ordering me to 'Get out of my car. Look what you did.' I was watching him. I was completely engulfed in warmth, in light, in love, in knowledge. I knew I was, I knew about things and subjects that were universal. I 'saw' my children, as infants, as adults, as parents, as grandparents. I knew I was not staying where I was. I knew I was only there to be 'protected' against further injury. Separated from this evil that was being waged. I knew I was going to be back in 'this' life.
I gasped for air. My lungs filled up fast. It hurt. My chest had been thrown into the steering wheel. He untwisted my body. Grabbed at my head. Pulled my hair towards the driver's side door. It was open and he was reaching into the car to carry me out. My right hand was caught by the gear shift on the console. My legs were crossed and hung up under the seat. He grabbed at them. Pulled at them. He pushed me back against the seat. He pulled my left arm from behind my back/turning my shoulder and pulling at my elbow. My body was freed from the constraints of the seat. He folded my body in half and pulled me head first out of the car, like a rag doll, but so very heavy. He couldn't figure out why my body was soooooo heavy. He pulled me forward but as I came out the door, I started to slump down. He pushed against me. Righting me and balancing me against the back door of the car. He let me go. I tumbled to the ground. He bent over. I was filled with ANGER I welled up and screamed, 'YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT AND THEN YOU EXPECT ME TO LOVE YOU!?'
He bolted upright and then kicked me. He turned, fumbled into the car searching for something. He found the ring tucked in the crevice of the seat. He pulled it out. Wiped down the seat with a rag or something. He climbed into the car and drove off. I pulled myself up and crawled up my steps onto my back deck and then into my house. I knew he wouldn't be back.
Date NDE Occurred: December 27, 2002
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack strangulation
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I felt no pain. I felt safe. I felt free.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I felt fully alert and knew everything that was going on.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time and space are not altered - they are Infinite.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Soft music.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I didn't pass through it. It surrounded me. I felt like I was initially in the center of a soft, swirling, breeze.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They were around me. Near me. I 'knew' them. They knew me. I understood without speaking.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It glowed. Like the light of thousands/millions of lightning bolts.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Absolutely.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I now know how to 'fix' my physical health issues.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I know my purpose in life.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I'm going to be a grandmother.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I crossed into a different aspect. Then I crossed back when it was safe.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I knew I could not stay. I knew my children's needs would require me to be here with them.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate I believed in god but did not partake in any organized religion
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I must balance my endocrine system. I must take care of my skin (I always thought my skin was dead cells, but they're very much alive).
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No I still continue to have special thoughts and connections.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The doctor said I was 'lucky'. I didn't think so at the time, but now...
I'm very lucky. I know I have great friends. I know I am loved. I know I can give love. I know about my children. I know my daughter will be happy and successful. I know my son was supposed to be born.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes But only minimally.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No