Experience Description

I had hit a very bad depression in my life. My mother was mentally ill and tried suicide various times through her life. I had always been around the idea introduced by mom and later others throughout life. When I exhausted all other possibilities of bettering my situation, I decided to try it as well. I purchased two packages of thirty six soft-gel tabs of sleeping pills. Called off work and laid down for the last time in my bed (so I thought). I awoke for no apparent reason. I lay there like a vegetable feeling the effects of my heavily over medicated body which felt extremely heavy. There was a high sounding steady pitch ringing in my head. That's when the thought occurred that I was going to die awake. I tried to move my head to see if the cordless phone was in its cradle on the other side of the bead. When my head wouldn't turn I tried to turn my body. That's when I panicked and started worming my way off the bed and fell on the floor. From there I crawled, rolled and inched my way around the bed to the phone. It seemed miles away and I couldn't reach it. When at last I'd made it to the other side of the bed my arm and hand felt too heavy to lift but managed to knock the phone off the cradle to the floor. I dialed 911 and could hear the operator on the other end talking. but I had great difficulty making words to respond. With both hands, I finally got the phone close to my head, found myself making animal grunts, and sounds unable to talk. My tongue seemed twice its normal size and after a while was able to say ‘help’. I started drifting off when the woman on the phone started asking questions. I came around enough to try to answer but was mumbling on my part. Weaving in and out of consciousness the local police started banging on the door in the next room.

I lost consciousness and awoke to two police officers drilling me with questions as I sat in my living room chair. I blacked out again and then awoke on a hospital gurney being wheeled past my neighbors through the parking lot to an awaiting ambulance. Black out. Heard a voice say 'we're losing him go go go!’ Black out. Again I came around and remember fighting four, five, maybe six people around the gurney and one trying to stick a long needle into my chest yelling ‘You have to hold still!’. At that point, I began feeling light as air and floated up away from all the commotion. I could see the people around me dressed in white hovering over my limp body as I floated upwards. I believe that's when I lost my senses, my sight blurred and second sight began. The smell of alcohol and the sterilized environment slipped away. The feel of the hands holding me down slipped away and the pressure off my back under the weight of the skirmish.

All audio faded into a peaceful silence. Then was thrust into a long tunnel of sort, couldn't see it but more like could sense it. I was traveling at an unreal speed faster than I would've ever imagined. The feeling of weightlessness was present. I began to feel fear and panic, then I broke through to what I believe was the other side. A sudden calm took over me and a so did a new found happiness. I know now that as long as we are present in our shells, or bodies, we are unable to feel this extent of peace, love, tranquility and comfort. The tunnel gave way to an immense light that couldn't be seen but more like felt. Everything was blinding bright but not in the same sense as staring into the sun or a welding arc. It was more of second sight phenomena. I started communicating with something vast and all powerful, all knowing and true to the purest definition. It wasn't as if we were talking like person to person but more like telepathically, for a lack of better words. I fully understand now how words are unable to bring to light or understanding an experience that happens on a spiritual plane. Words don't come close. I guess we will all experience similar things one day.

I suddenly felt that this vast force became very upset with me and I felt a fear beyond words as I was shot like a bolt of lightning back into my body. I regained consciousness with a big draw of breath and found that I was lying in a hospital bed upon opening my eyes. There is of course a lot more to my experience but this is a condensed version being on a form and all.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1995

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt unknown condition at the time, last thing remembered was fighting hospital staff while they were inserting adrenaline shot into heart. All I know for sure is I’d awakened in the middle of a suicide attempt, for no apparent reason. I was unable to talk, move, or think for an unknown period of time. When the thought occurred to me that I was to die fully awake, I managed to regain enough movement to crawl to the phone and dial 911. That’s when I realized I couldn’t talk.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I never saw my appearance. I had senses I was never aware of.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Unconscious, though I was very alert.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I was in a coma for three days. I felt as if I'd been gone for minutes.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was total silence.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I felt that I was on my way to one or the other.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I felt light but didn't actually see it. I was immersed in light.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm None were present, but a second-sight was involved.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, tranquility, love, understanding, at rest, freedom, deep warm sensation. It felt like I was at home finally, welcomed. Then rejection and fear.

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I felt as though I was on the verge of an all knowing state. An indescribable knowledge of well-being and vast wisdom had ingrained into my very existence. I also rely more so on intuitive feelings. Also the fact that suicide is not tolerated in the afterlife

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain I sensed that I was being held back from proceeding.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I felt as though I failed a judgment and that's when I felt this force was upset and was shot back into my shell.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am definitely spiritual now. Before, I resented God, Satan and any other spiritualism. I know now beyond a reasonable doubt there are good and bad forces on a universal level and those forces are much more vast and infinite than I could have ever conceived in my imagination. Of course, this experience wiped out all resentments and gave me a whole different philosophy on religion. Though after several tries I've still been unable to become religious.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words cannot fully justify the experience. In a nutshell, it was as if an all-knowing forced had a direct line to the deepest part of my soul. I felt I’d been questioned but the answers were already known by the questioner. It was more along the lines of an emotional or spiritual experience. Words are weak in comparison. All I can add here is that the power that I felt, the love and the peace, we cannot experience while we still exist.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes My intuitiveness is still heightened. I've come to rely on it. Also the wisdom is still dead on.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best was finding out a lot of knowledge, patience, serenity and the proof that beyond a reasonable doubt, to me, there is a good force that exists and it is powerful beyond imagination. I wanted to sing about it from the roof tops of the world so all would know. But I convinced myself I would be persecuted. The worst part is having knowledge on a universal plane and unable to share it with others who are not able to conceive the vastness of it all and the truth. That really does hurt deeply.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Their actions are usually a sly smirk on their face and a dumbfounded grin. Some balked at it, usually negative. I’ve never met anyone who shared the same experience or talked of it (with good reason, I’ve found out).

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I had a spiritual awakening several years later, but that wasn't as profound. There were familiar emotions though.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? As I mentioned before, words are not able to come close to an experience like this. Consider anyone who has not had this experience damn lucky. For not only the fact that they didn’t have to come so close to death, but they don’t have to walk this earth until they pass on filled with an experience that, if shared, would lead to questions about their sanity. The most tragic thing in life is for a genius to be mistaken for insane. After this experience I understand why when Jesus walked the earth he needed so many miracles to get people’s attention, but in the end, was still persecuted.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Unfortunate, this being a website. There are a lot more questions, knowledge, and discussion to this topic ongoing for lifetimes. But this form of discussion is limited. Hope this gives a little more insight to those of interest. And to the others who've been to the other side, welcome back!