When I was growing up, I experienced a great deal of trauma; I was very severely abused. At one point, the abuse landed me in the emergency room. The emergency room became the operating room, and while I was being operated on, I flat-lined. I actually don't remember getting to the hospital or much of what happened before or after the NDE. But I very clearly remember most of the NDE.
Suddenly, I wasn't on the operating table - I was across the room looking at the operating table. There was a circle of doctors, all frantically treating my body. It seemed like I was about ten or twenty feet away - probably my sense of space was much different from the actual physical environment. When I looked at the table where my body lay, I could see doctors wearing operating room clothing. I was little and I thought they looked funny - I thought they were wearing shower caps on their heads outside of the shower.
Then I noticed that surrounding the doctors were more people. They were extraordinarily tall. They were wearing white, and they were very 'shiny'; they emanated light. Their faces were kind, and loving. I perceived that they were not beings from this realm; I knew that they were watching over me. I believe that they appeared to me (or I perceived them) in a form that I would understand at the time. They seemed to be 'angels'. My family was religious and an angel was a type of being I would understand. I do not know if what I experienced happened today if I would perceive them in the same form.
One of the beings approached me. She 'told' me (there was no language, just communication - hard to explain) that the physical world belongs to us - to physical beings. People, animals, plants - we are physical, and we are subject to the laws of this physical realm. But this physical realm is NOT all there is. She let me know that she and the others with her were ethereal beings. They could not affect the physical realm.
She told me that to explain that she couldn't stop the people who were hurting me from hurting me. But as she explained it, I knew that the pain I was enduring hurt her, too. She was completely empathetic. I knew that she (and the others with her) would always be with me. She explained that while they couldn't stop what was happening, they would always be there to witness what was happening. I knew I would always have contact with someone who would understand completely what I had been through.
She wanted me to know that because they are not of this realm, it takes sensitivity to connect with them. They cannot directly affect what happens here (she couldn't intervene to stop the abuse), but they can communicate and affect people (or animals, etc.) in this realm. Then we can, in turn, affect the world around us. It's a little difficult to explain the concept! Like I said, it was something that I kind of just understood. It came from her - she was explaining it, but not in words.
Along with her message, I was aware of a complete and totally unconditional love. These were beings who knew me, who loved me, and who only wanted the best for me. It was an amazing experience.
Date NDE Occurred: 1981
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack Clinical death I flat-lined.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I have no idea what my form was when I was separated from my body. I did not look at myself. I only saw what was around me.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Hmm, I'm a little unclear on the question. My level of physical consciousness was nil; I was clinically dead. My actual awareness was pretty clear. I perceived many details in the room around me, understood what was being communicated to me, felt emotions - I was alert. Just not in my body.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Like I said, my sense of being very far away from the operating table is not in accordance with the physical space in the room. It was a small operating room. It was as if the room stretched back on one side.
Also, I felt like a lot was communicated to me, and time seemed to slow down. The actual amount of time that I was flat-lined was probably only a minute. I don't know for sure what the exact time was.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? It was a soundless experience. When I re-entered my body that was when I heard sound again. It was how I knew I was back. Everything seemed really loud by comparison.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes See above.
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? No I did not see a light nor did I travel down a tunnel. Perhaps I just did not get that far into the experience - they brought me back fast. But when I was separated from my body, the room did appear to be much brighter - as if the brightness of the beings in the room lit it up.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No I wish! ;) I did see some beautiful beings, though.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe See above.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I did not experience a review of what happened to me in my life, but I knew that the being who was communicating with me knew all about it. I learned a lot from the experience. Just the general idea we are accountable for our own actions here - it's up to us to be just, to be kind, to be loving, and not to cause pain and suffering to each other. There is no God or spiritual being who is going to step in and stop stuff from happening. We can connect to the spiritual realm and learn from it and grow from it and change ourselves. But it is THAT change, the change to ourselves, that will change the world around us. Also, we are never alone, and there is an abundance of love in the Universe.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No I actually didn't feel like it was a choice to return to my body. I felt like I was going back there, and that was that. There was no consideration of going further.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist My family was fundamentalist Mormon, and since I was so young, so was I
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I was very young when it happened, and went on being a Mormon with my family until I was a teenager. I left the religion when I was seventeen, and I now consider myself an atheist. I don't believe in God. But I don't take a clinical, scientific view of things, either. I have a very deep spiritual sense, and I absolutely believe that there is more than just what we can understand physically around us. I also believe in some kind of after life, although what that afterlife consists of I am completely uncertain. I think this experience will always shape my philosophies and beliefs.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There was an intrinsic 'knowing' of what was communicated to me. I can express the message in words, but language per se, was not used during the experience. It's a little hard to explain.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I have an empathic ability. I can sense people's true intentions, and I can sense people's general character just by looking at them. This has been confirmed many, many times. I'm not certain, since I was so young when it happened, if the NDE caused that ability or if it was something I would have had regardless.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part was knowing I was not alone. The worst part was returning.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have a very few friends with whom I have shared this experience. They are all people who have also experienced things 'beyond' the physical realm. I would never tell this story to someone who only believes in the five senses.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Nope.