Sacred Light Spirit Eagle: My Visionary Life and Near Death Experience
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About a week prior to the experience I had been to a birthday party for my preschool grandson, where I had been exposed to another little boy who was coming down with the flu that was going around. To my recollection, this was in December of 1998. I got the flu a day or two later, and it just didn't go away. It kept on getting worse and worse, until I had a fever that was so agonizing that even the touch of a sheet against my skin was excruciating. I kept having muscle spasms that arched my back. The pain of those spasms was worse than anything I'd ever had. I kept on going deeper and deeper, trying to find a place in my mind where I could get away from the pain, where it would just stop.
I found myself rising up out of my body into a world that was total blackness. There was nothing there, just blackness all around me. I was floating, moving through that blackness: scared of the fact that there was nothing under me to keep me from falling. Then I looked down and I saw I was seated on a big rug, like in the story of Aladdin. Ahead of me, I saw many square rafts, with 100 human figures seated cross-legged on each raft. They were all bald and bluish in color, dressed in draped bluish robes, like Roman or Greek robes. One of them gave me a hate-filled glance that shocked me.
As the bluish rafts of human figures moved into the far distance, I saw a great opening ahead of me in the blackness. It was bigger than anything on Earth was. I felt very tiny as I went through the opening. I went down what felt like the long main aisle in a cathedral that had all the lights off. The darkness was so thick I could feel it brushing against me. I looked down at my body and I noticed that I had turned into a sphere of blue and multicolored light. At the time, it seemed perfectly okay, perfectly reasonable. I kept on looking around, trying to make sense of all this and hearing my mother beg me to come up and stay with 'us'. I got rather annoyed with my mother. This was only a case of flu, after all.
I saw a light ahead of me, far off in the distance. As it drew closer, it looked like a door on its side, with light spilling through it. Then a great Light sphere came through the door, and it got bigger and bigger. I looked up at that Light and I thought, ‘everything up here is so bloody big!’ The Light kept coming closer until it enveloped me. I was surrounded by waterfalls of Light, by rivers of Light, by oceans of Light that were all around me. I reached out and touched the Light with my hand (which grew out of the spherical me, especially for the purpose of touching the light) and I was reassured. It was like touching a mother's breast.
I asked the Light, ‘What's happening here? What's going on?’ The Light parted, like stage curtains in front of me, and I saw a panoramic vista of buildings, parks, trees, flowers, beauty and so many things I could not comprehend or understand. ‘Where am I?’ The Light answered me, not in words but in thought-concepts. ‘Now you are at the moment of beholding the Imperial Heaven, the heart of God, the great Master Awareness that overflows to create all that is.’
I flowed down into the park and found myself in a garden with wide paths and flowers and an abundance of green growing things and trees. It was beautiful beyond all measure. A gentle floral scent filled the air. I walked until I found myself inside a great hall. There was a golden Light at the center of the hall that was radiating fountains of light. The light rose and fell in endless liquid motions. I touched the light with my hands; I bowed my head and touched my forehead to it.
I was inside the Light, seeing everything, in a vivid Technicolor that had ever happened to me in my life. So much happened to me in this part of my experience, and I can't remember all of it: which is frustrating. I saw my mother's grief, and my grandmother's love for me. I was back in front of that great Light, wondering what it was that was happening to me. All of a sudden I realized that this was it. Right now, right this minute, I could die! I wanted to stay so badly.
The Light focused its attention on me, and asked me if there was anyone or anything that was holding me down on Earth. Then I saw a vision of my son coming into my bedroom, and finding his mother dead in her bed, without any warning at all. I knew I had to go back. I could not let that happen to my son. I spun down and landed back in my body, the pain started up again. I cried out, ‘Please help me! Please stop the pain!’ I saw blue hands, praying hands, reaching down into my body and lifting out what looked like horrible black mucous.
I passed out; the next thing I remember was sitting up in bed with cold sweat pouring off me, thinking to myself, ‘Oh good. The fever has broken,’ and it had. I healed from that flu the fastest that I ever had, with only a bronchial cough left to show for it. I was fuzzy and out of touch with the world for the next six months or so.
Date NDE Occurred: December 1998
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Illness Other: 'I was at home alone, but I know that I died.'
I had a terrible case of flu, and many people (over 50) died in that epidemic.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I felt like I was on 'High Alert', looking all around me. Trying to figure out what was happening, observing everything with intense awareness.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Throughout.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time simply wasn't. It didn't exist.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Immediately prior to the experience, I was lying in bed with my eyes closed, trying to find a way to escape from the awful pain I was experiencing. I was not aware of anything around me. During the experience, every color was vivid; every shape was sharp and clearly defined: except for the golden 'caterpillars' that flowed over the spherical Light.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I did not have any sense of hearing as it is on Earth. Everything was telepathic.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes The tunnel was like floating down the great aisle of an immense cathedral, with all the lights out. The darkness was so thick it was tactile. I could feel it, like dark silk against me, brushing against my face, arms and hands. It was immense.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My mother was with me at the beginning of the experience. She kept sending me, ‘Honey, would you like to come up here and be with us? We would love to have you up here with us.’ I got rather irritated, because I thought that I only had the flu (!) so what was all the fuss about? I'd always gotten over the flu in the past.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The Light was enormous: bigger than the Great Pyramids of Egypt, bigger than anything. It was spherical, and it had great flowing golden caterpillars that flowed all over its surface. Those were made up of thought and information.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was being carried along inside the great Light, and I asked, ‘Where am I?’ I was astonished when I was told I was in the heart of the Creator. The white Light before me opened like curtains, and I flowed on down to a beautiful garden, where there were great white buildings all around. They were built in California Mission style, with white adobe-like walls and red tile roofs, all of them spread out and low to the ground. It was a beautiful setting. I was taken to a place where there was a great open space, with parquet floors. I walked across the floor to a great golden crystal in the center, as chimes sounded beneath my feet. I had my human body at that time. It was very slender and youthful.
I came up to the crystal, and I placed my hands on it. I bowed my head and touched my forehead to the crystal, and I found myself inside the crystal, looking around at so many things that had happened during my life. Each facet of the crystal was telling its own story of my life and about all the people around me. Much more than I can remember now, which is frustrating.
The experience included: Hellish imagery
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? At first I was terribly puzzled, and then frightened. I didn't know what was happening. However, when I was in the great tunnel, I felt peaceful and serene. When I saw the great Light, I was curious, wanting to ask questions. When I went on my journey with the Light, I was greatly reassured. I was like a child, surrounded by Light and love. There was a sense of complete safety, of being completely understood.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe What I feel I had was a series of lessons in certain areas: writing, singing, and music. Other things I cannot remember. It was like being at a great University, but there was no one else around me: only the Light. Everything about the universe? Well, in specific areas I learned a lot in a very short period of time. More than I can remember.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No Not that I know of anyway.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will After I had completed the trip to the University Campus with its golden crystal, the Light and I were suddenly back where we'd started. I asked, ‘What's going on here?’ And then what would have been my stomach if I'd had a stomach (I was a very tiny sphere of bluish multi-colored light at that moment) flipped clean over, 360 degrees. And I realized that right here, right now, I could die. I clearly recall saying to that Light, ‘Wait a minute. Hold on. I've just finished writing up my goals and objectives for the next five years. Then breaking each year's goals down into one year goals, and then writing the upcoming twelve months goals; turning this month's goals into daily goals, and on down into my daily to-do list.’ Like George Burns used to say, ‘I can't die. I'm booked.’ Which did not really register with the Light: our earthly time is not its long suit.
I realized how much I wanted to stay up there. I was ready to go. The Light sent me a thought-concept that said, ‘Is there anyone or anything that is holding you down on Earth? I found myself looking down from above in my bedroom, seeing my son coming into my room and finding his mother, totally unexpectedly, dead in her bed. I knew I could not go. So I looked up at the Light and I said, ‘NO WAY.’ I said that because I knew if it wasn't definite, I would give in and just go. But I knew I could not leave my son alone, with the guilt trip of having his mother die and him not able to do anything about it. His not knowing why it had happened. I said, ‘If I go now, I will feel incomplete. I have books to write, music to sing. I have two sons, a wonderful daughter-in-law, and a grandson that I want to see graduate from college.’ Suddenly the Light zoomed off, faster than a jet airplane. I called after it, ‘Wait a minute.’ Just like Joan Rivers: I said, ‘Can we talk? I've got so many questions.’ I was falling down and down into my body, back into all that pain and sickness.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I was raised Presbyterian. I was and am a student of Gnostic Christianity.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No My previous experience with the Great Eye at the age of 17 had a profound effect on my belief system. I wound up leaving Presbyterianism and becoming a solitary student of Gnosis.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I am a student of Gnostic Christianity
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience The content as a whole was far more than I could digest. It was immense. I still don't know what most of it was, but I know I am being guided.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Not a voice as one here on Earth. Rather I telepathically got information that unfolded in my mind, like a series of flowers unfolding from the Light.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No I don't think so. But much that I saw is still below my conscious memories of the experience. I keep getting more information all the time.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No No, but I have long known that reincarnation is a fact. Since I was nineteen years old and read 'Many Mansions' by Gina Cerminara.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes It was simply a part of the whole mystical world around me. It was all around, and it didn't have to be talked about specifically. It just was.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes That was simply an 'of course' up there. There was no question about it.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes The University showed me that people go on learning after they go up there, as well as people who go up there. Many people attend classes there when they are asleep. I already had this sense of knowing, of special knowledge or purpose. I was just frustrated because I didn't know what it was I was supposed to be doing.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No It was simply already known. It was in the atmosphere. It was all around me.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The University showed me that people go on learning after they go up there. As well as people who go up there. And many people attend classes there when they are asleep.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain As above.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain There seems to have been something, but I can't remember what it was. It's like just around the corner in my mind. But I can't remember.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain My kids still love me, and the people that I know have been very receptive to the experience. It was a long time before I could open up about it.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I am a writer, but when I write about my NDE I have to struggle to even come close. Literally, words fail me.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It's like this is burned into my consciousness. The memories are so clear. In fact, I can see the Light if I just tune into those memories before I go to sleep at night.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I had a mystical experience when I was seventeen. I was in a church that was an A-frame construction. I looked up and I saw this eye in the rafters far above me, and love began pouring through the Eye, pouring into me until I thought I would explode from so much love in me. Over time, I left Presbyterianism. Right away, I started reading comparative religion and philosophy: Kierkegaard, a little Plato, Albert Schweitzer, and others. I felt a compassion for others that I had not felt before in my teenage angst. I was able to see more about other people. This was the experience that took away all my fear of death. Eleven years later, when my soon to be ex-husband and I were being counseled, the psychologist told my husband, ‘Your wife has a unique approach to living. She lives every moment of her life in active anticipation of her own death.’ And I still do.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it. Everything. The Light itself. Everything. The content as a whole was far more than I could digest. It was immense. I still don't know what most of it was, but I know I am being guided. It was simply a part of the whole mystical world around me. It was all around, and it didn't have to be talked about it specifically. It just was. Regarding whether there is a God, or Supreme Being: That was simply an 'of course' up there. There was no question about it.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes In addition to sharing with IANDS members and with family and friends, I have now written a book, 'Sacred Light Spirit Eagle', and in October my book will be published and up on Amazon.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I read extensively about NDE's and found them fascinating. I never expected to have an NDE of my own! The experience was absolutely and totally different from anything I had ever imagined.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was only after six months had passed that the reality of the experience really soaked in. Before then I was in a gray fog, with a great deal of tiredness and lack of focus.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It is as real as having been in the classroom as a teacher. It was vivid, each event unfolded logically out of the previous events, and it reached a clear conclusion. It had a clear structure.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes At night I sometimes can go right back into some of the moments of the experience, particularly looking up at the Great Light.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I have long known that reincarnation is a fact, since I was nineteen years old and read 'Many Mansions' by Gina Cerminara. It's like this is burned into my consciousness. The memories are so clear. In fact, I can see the Light if I just tune into those memories before I go to sleep at night.