I was handing my partner a mug of tea when my teeth began to chatter and the next thing I knew, I was - somewhere else. No bright lights, no floating towards the light, I was just in another place, somewhere I'd always been. These people knew me and I knew them. I had no memory at all of any previous life. It was more real to me than anything else I'd ever experienced, but the most important thing was, that these people were so lovely. They were kind, funny, loving, and considerate. It was like having happiness running through your veins.
This life continued for years - and then I came round to find myself in a room I didn't recognize full of people. Some of them were wearing some kind of a uniform. I know now that these people were paramedics. I had a thumping great pain in my chest and no idea where I was, or who any of the people were - I thought I was in some kind of horrible nightmare. I couldn't imagine what I'd done that was so irredeemably wicked that I could be put in a place like this. One of the paramedics said, 'We thought we'd lost you for a couple of minutes there'.
Over the next few days, I began to put together some kind of a blueprint for who people were, but it was very difficult. I didn't know how people knew me. But I wanted to go back. I wanted it so badly it was all I could think of. Then the tumor was diagnosed and I remember thinking when the consultant said there was only an 80/20 chance I wouldn't make it through the operation, that here was my way back. I was convinced that I'd be in the lucky 20% who didn't make it back rather than the unlucky 80% who did.
They lost me during the operation. I know because one of the nurses told me. I knew anyway, because I'd been back to the place I belonged and I knew I was in the 80% almost before I came round, because the only thing that filled my mind was the word 'bereft'. That way back was gone. The door wasn't just locked and bolted from the other side, it was gone completely.
I know all the theories. That faced with a tremendous insult, the brain can take 'you' and put you somewhere safe and it's not death at all, but whatever. It coincided with what happened when I did 'die', so I know what I believe. What you believe is up to you. I know that this world is a very poor copy of what I had.
Date NDE Occurred: 1999
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Brain tumour Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I had a huge undiagnosed meningioma tumor pressing down on my left frontal lobe.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness I have no idea.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I have no idea.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I knew them, but none of them were people from my life here. They were just people. It was just life, only better.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm beautiful is so subjective isn't it? It was beautiful to me. What can i say? It made this world seem like looking out of a dirty window
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Happiness. Love. Joy. Every positive emotion you could drag out.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal None
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Liberal None
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That this was the way things were meant to be.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I try a lot harder to be nice rather than nasty. I try to help people. I feel things more deeply. Especially when someone does something terrible for their own personal gain or satisfaction. I feel other people's pain very strongly. I seem to know what people are thinking. I started to score up in the high nineties on empathy tests at work. Mostly an increased level of empathy coupled with the sensation of facing the world without any kind of outer layer of skin.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I know when something bad is going to happen to me or to someone I love.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It used to be afterwards, but now I tell very close friends beforehand.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Just the usual 'come into the light' stuff.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was bereft. I wanted to be back there so much I even considered suicide - but because I wasn't sure whether the manner of dying affected what happened to you, I didn't dare.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real How can I explain? I know.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Was it real? Did it happen? Is there a scientific explanation? Do I want to know?