Experience Description

My ex-husband (who I was still very close to) died recently of lung cancer. Before he died, I asked him to 'send me a sign', send me something that would let me know what it was like on the other side. I've always been very interested in the process of dying since I was a child and another child told me he died, it was beautiful and he didn't fear death anymore. As I started to go to sleep, I prayed for my ex to show me a vision of what it's like to die. Next thing I know, I feel strange. The breath left me. I had no movement; no motion came from my body.

I briefly thought 'Well, this must be it,' and I floated up about three feet from my body and looked down. I was white as a sheet and looked 'dead' in my mind. I was definitely not alive at that moment. The realization that I was dead spread over me. I thought about my kids and the fact that they just lost their dad. What a tragedy it would be to lose their mother too. I thought, 'If my husband could just come in and punch me in the chest, I'll be okay.' I tried to yell for help but no words came out. I tried and tried to yell, 'Help!' but nothing. Finally, I was back in my body and I managed to get out a garbled plea for help and then the actual word. He ignored me because I've done this before, yelled for help in my sleep. I felt as if I died. Whether or not I did, we'll probably never know.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: a few months ago

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain I personally think my heart stopped beating. Other 'I have no idea what happened, some say it was a dream.' I have no idea what happened.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I floated up and sort of turned over to look at my body lying in bed, I realized then something wasn't right.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was still in my bedroom, still looking at my body and thinking what the heck?

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Somewhat panic stricken.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Just the realization that my kids would be devastated.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal I believe there are more than one viewpoint.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I have miraculous medals, water from Lourdes, you name it, I'm stocking up on spiritual stuff to remind me of this experience and carry me through the next time.

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I have miraculous medals, water from Lourdes, you name it, I'm stocking up on spiritual stuff to remind me of this experience and carry me through the next time.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I am very spiritual now and want everyone else to join me. Not everyone is willing to become one with the thought of dying being a joyful experience however.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Right after, but people think I'm crazy, I was dreaming. I know I wasn't dreaming.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes As a child there was a neighborhood boy named Raymond that was slightly retarded, nobody wanted to play with him. I always let him play with us and scolded the other kids if they were mean to him. One day after one of the kids said something mean, he said, 'I'm like this because I died.' Of course, I asked him what he meant. He said, 'I have something in my brain, they did an operation and I died on the table. I saw the doctors; they said bad words and everyone was running around. I told them what they said when I was dead and then they believed me that I died and came back. There was a white light and everything was so beautiful. I'm not afraid to die anymore.' After that, Raymond and I talked about this and I gained a new respect for people with any kind of disability. I was only about ten or eleven at the time. Raymond had another operation and we never saw him again, I don't know what happened.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real My heart is always skipping and jumping around, my grandfather died at the age of fifty-nine from a heart attack, my brother has supraventricular tachycardia, my cholesterol is high - yada, yada. It all equals I have a good chance of having a heart attack. To think that it stopped momentarily isn't a stretch.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was always real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am certain Stevie (my ex) is there waiting and willing to help me if I ask.