On May 24, 2000, I experienced a car crash that 'they' say should have killed me. I still don't remember the accident at all -- I remember getting into my car, but I do not remember pulling out of the driveway at all. I am told that the first thing I said to the police was, 'What does ecstasy feel like?' When I got to the hospital, I asked the doctor, 'What is a stigmata?' I remember experiencing what I have now come to know as a near death experience.
There was a point when I knew that I was dead. I remember seeing car headlights and knowing that they were angels. I felt absolute total and complete ecstasy and an intense thankfulness that Heaven was real, that I was eternal and would absolutely never die. I was hearing bits and pieces of music, 'Thought I'd died and gone to heaven.' 'I want to lay you down on a bed of roses, while tonight I sleep on a bed of nails, I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is.' The experience is still very foggy in many ways for me. The intense (it was SO intense that I can't find strong enough words to describe!) feelings of ecstasy I had, involved knowledge on every level that I would be One with my husband, Kevin, and with our children, families and friends for all of eternity, and I was so thankful to God that eternity was real!! As I said, the feeling was so intense at one point that it is impossible to adequately describe, but that is the part where I knew that my husband and I would be together in heaven with our babies, friends and families always and that we would never feel any kind of pain again.
I remember feeling Jesus -- actually feeling completely one with Him -- feeling like I had been literally crucified as if He was. I saw an entire review of my life, but the birth of my children and my marriage to my husband were the most memorable. I felt absolute rapturous joy knowing that Heaven was very real and it had never been a lie or myth! Then all of my feelings of ecstasy were replaced by an unbearably intense fear -- I was suddenly driving aimlessly in the car on dark desolate roads, seeing nothing besides black alleys and a few stragglers here and there. Everywhere I looked, I saw 'Jesus Saves' signs in neon red and churches and I remember being absolutely horror-stricken that the rapture, the thief in the night, had happened. My friends and family were gone and I was left behind to search for them. I remember KNOWING that the rapture had occurred and I was in hell on earth. I kept hearing the song 'Highway to Hell' and trying to change the station, but my dial would not move. Then, I remember hearing Ozzy Osborne, 'See You on the Other Side', and The Red Hot Chili Peppers, 'Take It On the Other Side'. And I remember waking up to the Jaws of Life trying to pry me out and bright lights shined in my eyes.
I think I remember a comment about my pupils not looking right, and I remember making myself become as aware as possible of what was going on around me. Everyone was sure I was drunk or on drugs -- neither -- I was told my toxicology was clean, aside from a low amount of alcohol. The strangest part of the entire experience for me was that I 'remember' waking up in different accident scenes involving myself. I have to include that none of these situations actually happened. The first time I came to, I remember being hysterical and demanding to know where my ex-husband was. The male paramedic told me, 'Don't worry about him. They are taking care of him. He was dead and covered by a sheet.' I started crying about how he ran me off the road, trying to kill me because he thought I was taking our daughter out of the country! A female paramedic shook her head, called him a son-of-a-b****, and said, 'This is the kind of stuff that you read about in the papers every day!'
The next thing I remember is coming to. I was thinking that I was inside of our conversion van, (the state trooper did tell my husband that I thought I was in a van) that my ex-husband had kidnapped me from my driveway and drove me to every single place he and I had ever shared together, trying to convince me that I wanted him. I asked the paramedics (or police or whomever!) where my ex-husband was -- they told me that I was alone in the car -- I said the name of a specific church (which I cannot remember) and he said, 'Maam, you are a long way from there.' And I could hear them speculating as to why I would be talking about this place. The next time I came to was the 'real' scene -- I do not remember asking the state trooper what ecstasy feels like!!!!! I remember hearing the machinery of them trying to get me out -- the Jaws of Life. I remember beginning to hyperventilate which is something I have done often in the past. The medic said to me, 'If you are a hyper ventilator, we are going to have some problems.' And I literally STOPPED right then and there!
I remember crying for my husband and begging them to call him at work and telling them the number. I remember answering questions about who I was, where from, had I been drinking or shooting up heroin or cocaine!!!! (NEVER IN MY LIFE!!) I told them everything about myself and my husband; my social security number; birthday; age; name; kids names; dad's name and telephone number; address -- please get my husband I kept crying. I grabbed a handful of pictures of my children that I knew were in the console beside me and I started pushing myself out of the car. I had NO IDEA until days later that I was UPSIDE DOWN! When I started to push my way out, they told me to stop and I did not stop until they grabbed me by the arms and pulled me out, onto the stretcher. I remember bits and pieces of the ambulance ride, bits and pieces of arriving in the emergency room. I remember specifically asking about the stigmata, when they x-rayed my right hand, they shaped it into the LOVE sign (I thought) and I remember thinking this was pretty odd!
I kept thinking about the Immaculate Conception and the crucifixion and the last temptation of Christ. I was asked to get on my own hospital bed, which I did. My stay in the hospital was very odd, as well. I felt absolutely certain that I was in Purgatory -- that the rapture had occurred and I was just waiting for all of my loved ones to come and be with me -- I did not want to leave the hospital at all. They let me stay a day longer than I had to, they seemed to always know what I wanted or needed without me even having to press the call button. After they told me I could go home, when I was alone in my room, I cried and bawled because I didn't want to go, and less than five minutes later, a nurse came in and told me that I didn't have to go yet if I didn't want to, that I could stay overnight, and I did. I remember thinking that we were all telepathically connected -- many of my nurses commented to me that they were Libra's also, and the same age as me. Every person looked familiar to me and many told me that I looked familiar. I was afraid to leave, because I thought someone might try to kill me! I asked if I was on the psychiatric floor and she assured me I was not and that I would not be going there anytime soon!!
I immediately began writing with my broken hand when I got to my room -- some very strange and uncharacteristic things -- especially anti-government things and I repeatedly kept saying that the government as a whole is the Antichrist. I was also watching the news and seeing other accidents that had occurred for absolutely no reason; a semi-truck that jack-knifed off the road for no visible reason, the driver had been killed. The most important information I remember 'coming back with' is that ALL OF US are completely ONE with God, each other and the planet, the entire universe. The key to eternal life in Heaven is unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness (the very entity of Jesus!!!) and until we adopt a character and lifestyle consistent with Christ (LOVE) we will not get into Heaven. At the end of our life, though, we will ALL still be given every opportunity to make the right choice -- the choice of Jesus and unconditional love for ALL people!! Until we let go of our grudges, prejudices, and ill-feelings and replace them with love, compassion, and forgiveness, we will not be able to enter into Heaven. I wrote stuff about man-made products being poisonous and that we MUST rely totally on natural products and remedies in order to truly be healthy. An important side-note for me is that I have not taken any medication since the accident. I insisted that we are right now in the final days of Revelations -- that our hell on earth is beginning and that the second coming is NEAR. (I actually thought it was HERE for about two entire days after my discharge from the hospital.)
It is my belief that the reason I went through the Hellish part of the NDE as well as the Ecstasy part is because in my entire life, I have NEVER believed that I was worthy of God's forgiveness. I have always believed in Jesus, but I have not EVER had any faith that He would forgive my sins. I am positive that is why I was put through 'hell' -- and I know that I did not actually go to hell, ever -- I was put through what I immediately deemed my own personal Last Temptation. Satan or another demon did everything in its power to turn me AWAY from the beautiful ecstasy that I had just seconds ago been immersed in. It still frustrates me Greatly to not be able to find adequate words to describe the feelings that I had when I first 'died' and realized that I was FAR from dead -- I was the most alive I had ever been!!!! I do not remember seeing God or Jesus -- what I felt HAD to be HIM though -- I KNEW that I was ONE with Jesus and God, just like the Bible says we are. That I was made in His image to be like Him. I knew that I was eternal and that God loved me unconditionally and would not EVER turn his back on me, or any of his children. I also 'knew' that EVERYONE (especially non-believers) would have every opportunity to choose to be with God. I have been confused as to why the demon that was in my car presenting itself as my ex-husband appeared to me AFTER my Ecstasy with Jesus. I can only figure that it was a last-ditch effort on Satan's part to get me to turn my back on all that I Love.
The car crash itself, I went eight feet airborne, split a telephone pole in half, went through the center of a billboard, hit a tree and landed on the topside of the car (a 2000 Cavalier). I covered a fifty feet distance and did not have my seatbelt on. The troopers thought they would be scraping me from the car. I was very much intact!! My injuries totally consisted of a broken right hand; a twisted left pinky finger; cuts and contusions across my forehead hairline; cuts and contusions to the bottoms of my feet; numerous horrible bruises all over my legs and a few on my arms; and I had a concussion. When I looked at the placement of my injuries, it did make me think about the crown of thorns, and the hands and feet wounds that were inflicted on Christ. I have read a lot on the subject and it does not sound like a stigmatic experience, as the wounds were not spontaneous. But I remember lying in the cat-scan machine 'knowing' that I had been a stigmata and knowing that I was supposed to tell the world to prepare for the second coming of Christ because it is near. And when I asked the doctor what a stigmata was, I know that I already knew the answer -- so why did I ask?
This experience has invigorated me, enlightened me, yet it has absolutely terrified me as well. Also, when I had left to go out that evening, I had a conversation with my five year old daughter about God. She was afraid to sleep in her two year old brother's room with a picture of God looking at her. She was afraid that God might see her do something bad and she didn't want to go to the devil. I assured her that she would never go to the devil that she is a child of God and she would not ever be going to the devil. I told her that even if God did see her do something bad, HE would forgive her if she asked to be forgiven and meant it! I told her that God loved her and would never send her to the devil just so long as she believed in him and in baby Jesus. And, I let her sleep in her own room, and I went out to return my friend's license twenty minutes away and never made it there, because I was wrecked an hour past her house because I made a left-hand turn on a road that I had known to go right on for the past five or more years.
I also told her that I 'remember' sitting on the porch showing her all of the really cool 'heaven' bracelets and anklets I had bought just hours before, with the intention of giving them to my children and other children at a boat club that we were members of. I think it is also very important to mention that I was wearing two of these at the time of the crash, one that said Heaven (that I have not removed) and one that said Love, which I gave to my stepdaughter. What I wrote in the hospital is very fragmented and abstract as thoughts came to me -- I might as well include some of it here -- Rock 'n roll is not the evil. The world leaders are the evil. They don't want us to be one with God -- they take away our right to pray -- well, we better start praying with all our might right now believe me. I am far from insane, please believe me please. WE are the chosen ones -- we are one with God, trinity, father, Son, Holy Ghost. We die in threes, we are born in threes. No matter what we do, once we are saved, we will always be saved and God will never turn his back on us. Just like, we have never totally turned our backs on each other. He will take us out of this world before he allows us to do anything to endanger our own souls. Once we are saved by Love we will all live together in perfect harmony!!! Satan can not be allowed to stop us -- he will NOT stop us :):):):):):):):) Good WILL prevail in the End. JD (ex-husband), you WILL see Carla (his deceased sister) again soon, she is waiting for us, we WERE destined for something big (he always used to say he thought he was). ALL of us! Kevin (my husband) always trust me to do what is right I will never lie to you or hurt you! You are my heart and soul, you are the love of all my life, Kevin, my 'superman, kryptonite' and I am SO 'amazed' by you! You have to find the strength to believe in me and trust me even if you are afraid. Nothing will ever take you from me -- you and I will be One for Eternity and we will have our Ecstasy soon. Kevin, we never die and neither will our love!!! Carla (my ex-sister-in-law who was in a car crash in 1992 that left her in a vegetative state for three months) died and we didn't get it. Jade (my daughter diagnosed with Wilms' tumor at ten months old) almost died and we still didn't get it. Grandma died and we started to get it. I almost died and finally we WILL get it! That's only some of what I wrote.
Of course, my family and friends struggled with thoughts that I am totally crazy. My mental-health professional has assured me that I am not. She instructed me to research NDE online and to keep in mind that I will NEVER find the answers that I need in mainstream society. She told me that, without a doubt, a higher power is speaking to me. I was told by one person that I was 'tripping on my own brain juices' from the adrenaline rush of the crash itself. While that is a nice cozy explanation, I know that it is not what happened to me. Of course, I was also asked if I was lying!!! As if I would make up something so fanatical!!!!!!!!!!
I insisted that we are right now in the final days of Revelations -- that our hell on earth is beginning and that the second coming is NEAR (I actually thought it was HERE for about two entire days after my discharge from the hospital). It is my belief that the reason I went through the Hellish part of the NDE as well as the Ecstasy part is because my entire life, I have NEVER believed that I was worthy of God's forgiveness. I have always believed in Jesus, but I have not EVER had any faith that He would forgive my sins. I am positive that is why I was put through 'hell' -- and I know that I did not actually go to hell, ever -- I was put through what I immediately deemed my own personal Last Temptation. Satan or another demon did everything in its power to turn me AWAY from the beautiful ecstasy that I had just seconds ago been immersed in, It still frustrates me Greatly to not be able to find adequate words to describe the feelings that I had when I first 'died' and realized that I was FAR from dead -- I was the most alive I had ever been!!!! I do not remember seeing God or Jesus -- what I felt HAD to be HIM though -- I KNEW that I was ONE with Jesus and God, just like the Bible says we are. That I was made in His image to be like Him. I knew that I was eternal and that God loved me unconditionally and would not EVER turn his back on me, or any of his children. I also 'knew' that EVERYONE (especially non-believers) would have every opportunity to choose to be with God. I have been confused as to why the demon that was in my car presenting itself as my ex-husband appeared to me AFTER my Ecstasy with Jesus. I can only figure that it was a last-ditch effort on Satan's part to get me to turn my back on all that I Love.
I still do not remember the crash itself and I have not yet obtained the full crash report or photos of the scene, but I will have them within the next few weeks. I do have two photos of my car that my husband took. Another important piece of this entire thing is that the night before the crash, a friend was in my car with me and we were driving to see my husband at work. I totally kept missing the exits that I needed to get there. I drove a complete circle around where he works -- we even saw the building from the expressway and I STILL did NOT GO THE RIGHT WAY until I totally focused on my friend and let her tell me exactly where to go. She went home and told her fiance how 'freaky' I had been about not being able to get us there! Then, the next night is when I crashed.
Date NDE Occurred: 5-24-2000
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Life threatening event, but not clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I was not aware of or concerned with my body at all.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I felt acutely conscious and alert.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard rock music nearly the entire time, modern songs, 'Thought I'd Died and Gone To Heaven'; 'Highway To Hell'; 'See you on the Other Side', 'Take it on the Other Side'.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I don't remember passing through anything.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw six huge lights coming toward me and was positive they were angels.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Ecstasy, joy, love, fear, panic, dread.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I knew that I was eternal, that every one of us are. Our purpose is Love -- the achievement of unconditional love and acceptance.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control The most prominent events were the births of my two children and my marriages.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I said many things about the antichrist and about the second coming of Christ being near (I woke up thinking to myself that it was literally happening though but not saying exactly that to anyone).
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I've always believed in God and Jesus, but I've always doubted that Jesus would actually forgive me -- I know for a fact now that He does and always will. I believe one hundred percent in reincarnation now, and I was always skeptical of it in the past. I now believe totally that angels and demons surround us all daily, sometimes in the flesh, sometimes in spirit.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have had a hard time finding words strong enough to describe the feelings I had during the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain In the hospital, I felt as if most of what I felt, wanted or needed was telepathically communicated because many of the needs were met without me saying a word to anyone but myself. There have been people occasionally over the last month that I have felt connected to in such a way.'
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part was discovering that Heaven and Eternal Life are absolutely real; the worst part was when I thought I was left behind during the Rapture, Armageddon.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Most of my friends and family reacted with deep interest and did believe me. Of course, most of them have had a hard time grasping a lot of it because it did not happen to them! I've had one person say I was on an adrenalin high (tripping on my own brain juices) and one person ask me if I was lying.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No