Experience Description

Okay, here is my experience to the best of my ability to convey it; the circumstances that led up to it; and the thoughts and feelings in the weeks following it.

I had a very serious car crash on May 25, 2000. I was driving on an unfamiliar rode and took a curve at a very high rate of speed. My car struck a 'culvert' (I'm still not even sure what that is, but it was written on my crash report) after the culvert, I split a telephone pole in half, went eight feet airborne, hit a steel billboard support post and I came to rest upside down against a tree. The state trooper told my husband, that when he saw the vehicle he was positive that they would be scraping me from the inside of the car. The passenger side door was torn off - the engine was in the front seat - the car was beyond totaled and was number five on the 1-5 scale of crash severity. The damage was indescribable, and I have two pictures that remind me daily of how lucky I am that I survived. My husband said he almost threw up when he saw the car. I was told that I wasn't wearing my seat belt. When I started to regain consciousness, I was still trapped inside the vehicle. I could hear machinery and voices around me. All I could see was trees and faces that were hanging over me. My seat had collapsed somehow and I ended up lying perfectly flat underneath the steering wheel, and that is most likely what saved my life. I have absolutely no memory of the crash itself. I remember driving before the crash occurred and next I remember waking up to the Jaws of Life prying my car apart to get me out. I think that I must have seen the impact coming and this is most likely when the NDE manifested itself. It's important that I say I was never pronounced clinically dead, but the threat of death was very real indeed and has to be what brought about the experience. I must have thought, without any doubt, that I was goner - even though I don't remember consciously thinking this at any point. I guess when one sees themselves hurtling toward a telephone pole at an enormous rate of speed, one would think themselves definitely about to die - although I still cannot remember consciously 'seeing it coming' - that is probably a blessing in disguise.

Following the accident, while driving past telephone poles, I saw them all as crosses and sometimes still stare at them, mesmerized by how much they do resemble a cross at the very top.

What I remember is feeling the most excruciating pain/pleasure feeling imaginable. It was intense all-consuming agony building and releasing into the most intense ecstasy - euphoria, absolutely indescribable but I 'knew' that I had felt Christ. I felt the crucifixion and I knew without any doubt that I had experienced exactly what Jesus experienced on the cross - I felt completely one with Him, meaning I actually felt that I WAS Him. I became everything that Jesus was. There was intense pain and suffering and then release - followed by pure ecstasy. I did not see any light ever, at any time. I was in a 'nothingness', a blackness or a void, and I was alone as in I didn't see anyone else, but I didn't feel alone because I felt unity with everyone and everything. I knew without even a hesitation that everyone and everything in the entire universe is connected into one; that we are each a part of everything - I knew that I was eternal (and I remember being so thankful to discover that eternity is true and has never been a lie or myth). I remember thinking, 'Oh my God. I am dead!!!!!!' And I remember thinking that it was the most beautiful thing that could have ever happened to me - the happiest day of my entire existence - there was nothing sad about it, like I always thought there would be. The only emotions I felt were pure joy, ecstasy and bliss at receiving the knowledge of immortality. It wasn't a feeling or a thought, it was a knowing. And, I remember thinking how I could not wait to tell my husband that we really would be together for an absolute eternity! And I remember thanking God repeatedly that eternity is real.

When I came into consciousness, still trapped in the vehicle, the first thing I am told I said (I do not remember) to the state trooper was, 'What does ecstasy feel like?'

I remember grabbing a handful of pictures (of my kids) that were beside me in what was left of the console, and starting to push with my legs to get out of car. The paramedics told me to stay still, but I didn't. I remember thinking, 'Yeah right - I'm not staying in here one second longer.' And I pushed even harder. They put their hands under my arms then and pulled me out.

The nurses tending to me in the emergency room were commenting on how pretty my jewelry was; I was wearing bracelets that said, love and heaven and had cherubs and angels on them. I had just bought them the morning of the crash.

In the emergency room, I asked a doctor, 'What is a stigmata?' He told me that it is someone who bears the wounds of Christ. I didn't know then that my injuries were similarly (not exactly!) placed to the wounds of Christ; cuts across my hairline, cuts on the bottoms of both feet, both hands injured. What I did know, beyond any doubt, was that I had completely felt Christ.

In the CAT scan machine, it reminded me of the tomb.

I kept rambling to my friends that I was going to probably have a baby (this baby was born on May 1 of this year).

The first thing I did upon getting to my hospital room was to grab the Bible. I started writing down every passage I came across about unconditional love and the second coming. I talked repeatedly about the second coming, and literally believed that it would be happening at any second.

(When I was first in the hospital I believed that I had been 'raptured' and was now in a sort of waiting place.)

In the first weeks after the experience, I felt completely in sync with nature and animals and children. The two days in the hospital, I felt a mind-connection with my nurses; when they brought my discharge papers and left the room, I became very upset about having to leave - I was literally terrified to go back into the 'real world'. Within five minutes of this overwhelming dread, the nurse came back in my room and told me that I could stay another night if I wanted to. I said nothing to anyone about not wanting to leave.

One of my nurses said to me, 'Do you remember being here yet?' I said, 'I have never been here before.' She said, 'You will remember more as time goes on.' Well, I still have absolutely no idea what she meant.

My husband and I had some of the worst fights of our lives in the weeks after this all happened, and that took something away from me - he would not allow me to stay in the frame of mind that I wanted to last forever.

For the first weeks, I still felt as if I was 'one' with Jesus that I could do anything that He could do. A family member told me that he could 'see the spirit in my eyes', that they were almost glowing.

I felt what I perceived to be the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

I remember my step-daughter cut her finger, I kissed it and it stopped bleeding. She thought I literally made it stop bleeding with the kiss!

I'm not going to try to say that my experience proves without a doubt that there is an afterlife, but it's all the proof I will ever need.

Most importantly for me is that I also now have all the proof I will ever need that Jesus and the Holy Spirit exist inside of each one of us.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: May 25, 2000

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Life threatening event, but not clinical death I was in a car crash and, although I do not remember 'seeing it coming', I think I must have seen myself hurtling toward the telephone pole at a high rate of speed, and this could definitely be perceived as the moment that I would die.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I did not look down and see my body, but I did not feel that I had a body at all. I was 'me', but I was in a place of complete nothingness, suspended and all I 'saw' was darkness. It wasn't scary and I didn't see anything at all with my eyes. I was just there.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was technically unconscious during the experience, but my consciousness was very much alive - I did not feel 'asleep' - I was the most alert and aware as I had ever been in my entire existence.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no space or time. For a few weeks after the experience, I felt very out of touch with 'time'.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't hear any sounds or noises.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I don't recall passing through a tunnel but it felt like a 'passing through'. I remember thinking of it in terms of being born, passing from horrible pain into the most wonderful pleasure imaginable. And I felt Christ pass through me, but there were no visible tunnels, I saw nothing, I only felt.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Ecstasy, joy, bliss, overwhelming happiness, rapture, euphoria, utopia???

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I knew without a doubt that everyone and everything in the entire universe is connected into one. Everything made perfect sense and fitted together.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I don't remember being 'told' that I was going to have a baby (no one ever spoke to me or communicated anything to me). But, I talked a lot after the experience about how I thought I was going to have a baby. This baby was born on May 1st of this year.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate united methodist

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I no longer question the existence of an afterlife or of Jesus. I believe that reincarnation is likely, not just possible, although I have no proof of this and cannot say positively.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's hard for me to even express why it is so hard to express!!! It was the most monumental thing that could have ever happened to me. It is beyond adequate, ordinary words. Even words like 'ecstasy' and 'bliss' do not do it justice.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I felt mentally connected to some people, but not everyone. Mostly nurses in the hospital. I think I telepathically communicated to one of them that I was afraid to leave the hospital, as I said nothing to anyone about that. A few seconds after I had these overwhelming feelings of dread about having to go back into the real world, the nurse came in and told me I could stay another night if I wanted to. I wasn't reading them; they were reading me, but I was aware of it and have never been aware of any such things before. There was also an instance with a parking booth attendant a few days later at a city building; he knew I had a car accident and there was no plausible way he could have known. Another strange occurrence was when my husband and I stopped at a fast food restaurant (four days after the crash) and I waited in the car. I began to feel horribly nauseas and thought I was going to be sick. A matter of seconds after the onset of the feelings, a girl came out the back door and vomited on the ground. I felt perfectly fine after that. It seems like a really disgusting experience, but it happened just the same and it seemed very coincidental to me.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part was knowing that I am eternal. The worst part was readjusting to this place, and that is still an ongoing process.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Some didn't believe and thought I had a 'psychotic episode'. Some believed and were totally captured by the whole thing.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No But I wish I could reproduce the experience.