Carlos K STE

Experience Description

My mother was a widow when I was born in February 1963. I was born only three weeks after my biological father passed away. I was told very little about him when I was a child, except that he was a good and loving man who was now ‘with God, in Heaven’. I do not remember exactly when, but I do have a vague memory of making a strong decision to find him no matter what. I did not know where God or heaven was, but I was going to find out and I was going to meet my dad. Later on in life I had this epiphany where I realized that every single thought I chose, every decision I'd made, with every breath I took, in every corner I turned and everywhere I ever looked: was in the hope of perhaps, finding him there. That's how determined I was.

I remember also as a kid, I was watching the movie King of Kings on TV and when seeing the scene of Jesus' Sermon in the Mount of Olives I felt so inspired by His Love that I thought to myself: ‘I want to be like him!’ The moment I finished that thought it was as if I had sparkly bubbles up and down my entire body. I will never forget that feeling! This may seem irrelevant to a NDE that happened decades later, but is not. This background information offers a context where the NDE and its significance can be better understood for they are closely related.

Fast forward now to 1998, I then was married and had become a holistic therapist. All things seemed okay, but I was deeply dissatisfied with how I lived my life. I had always done my very best to be loving and kind yet, everything I did seemed to end up causing some type of suffering one way or the other. Things got to the point where I did not know how to live any more. I felt I was a complete failure and fell into deep despair and depression. I would sob for hours and hours, praying to be relieved from such suffering, begging to be shown a better way to live. Everything crumbled fairly fast at that point. I was seriously contemplating suicide. My wife and I separated. The deal I made to rent a room fell through at the very last moment and I ended up staying with a friend. Nothing, absolutely nothing had worked the way I intended it. Financially I was ruined and even thinking triggered deep emotional pain. It was as if I was being ripped apart inside. The only one thing I could do was to completely surrender my entire existence to God. So I did.

My friend, the one who took me in for a while, had an extensive library in her home and invited me to pick a book, if I wanted to read something. I felt attracted to three books, one of the titles was ‘The Yeshua Letters’ and it felt right to start with that one, so I did. In the introduction it says something like ‘let the words in this book speak directly to you’. I was so humbled that I took that as a directive. I was right. As I was reading the book, it felt as if the words were truly intended for me. There was ‘directness’ in it that I had not experienced before, even though I had read hundreds of books before this one. Heck! I even had a ‘satori’ months earlier while I was still living with my wife, where I would simply look at a book and would know its contents and know where it deviated from the Truth. All that without even opening it! But nothing could compare to this one book.

The events the author of The Yeshua Letters, as he describes them in the book, seemed to have a parallel with my own life. This gave me the sense that this book had been really intended for me. What was more fantastic is that I would have a certain experience during the day and then see it described in the book AFTER I experienced it! I was not manufacturing it. This was happening for real! As I was nearly unemployed and with a lot of time on my hands, I took the advice of my, then Reiki, teacher and whenever I had a moment I would sit and do nothing. I would not even try to meditate. That is when things slowly started to happen!

At times I would be sitting by the Rouge River near my friend's house and would ‘see’ and fully comprehend that animals do not worry about anything at all and yet they have all they need. They are happy! My senses started to really become more sharp and alive when I would ‘just sit’. One time I clearly saw a spider web way in the distance! It was shining with different rainbow colors as it was barely moved by the subtle summer breeze. I would usually read a few pages of The Yeshua Letters at night, right before going to bed somewhere around midnight but then, suddenly, I would find myself wide awake, invariably at 3:00 AM on the dot!

That is when this same ‘Presence’ that was ‘speaking’ through the book, would ‘move’ my body, gently rolling it out of bed, landing softly on my knees exactly where I had placed my small meditation carpet. I would sit and do nothing for I don't know how long, in complete darkness, until one night a different ‘Presence’ was felt. It started as a small point of deep tenderness in my heart, and then this tenderness grew stronger and stronger. The feeling was one of such a tender, warm, motherly Love! Tears started to fall but I was not crying.

It was at this point that I had my ‘life review’. Every memory I ever had, every regret that had caused me to hate myself was being washed away within this incredible compassion and uncompromising Love! I knew, beyond a doubt, that this was the Presence of what we know as ‘Mother Mary’. She untied every knot I had in my heart, purifying it and setting me free to ‘meet Her Son’. I was so relieved, I had never felt this much gratitude in my entire life! I had entered a sacred space of such a profound and complete Peace, which I stayed there for I don't know how long. Time was entirely irrelevant now. I was so present that I could feel every organ functioning, the blood flowing though my veins and through the entire body. I started ‘following’ the breath as it became more and more subtle, almost imperceptible. My heartbeat slowed down, together with the breath, my whole body was falling into ease and complete, natural relaxation. Deeper and deeper all sense of strain dissolved, until I felt the heart beating no more.

The breath had stopped as well: Completely. But I was totally calm. A cocoon had formed around me, I could feel it at different times before this, but this time it was as if I could almost touch it. I was sensing it all from inside of my body, but then when everything stopped, I found myself watching my body from above it, as if I was observing it from the ceiling of the apartment. I saw the body just sitting there, like a piece of stone placed on the floor. Nothing was moving. I knew that I, (or the body rather), had entered into a suspended state at best. The body was dead. This is just the way it was. I had no thoughts or feelings about it. It was just a body, neither alive nor dead.

Next thing I remember was ‘feeling’ a ‘buzz’ arising from this Peace, a familiar vibration, a ‘Presence’. The same Presence I felt or sensed while reading the book the days before. I had no doubt this was Christ. I call him Yeshua. I could see Him, but not as an image or a shape the way we know shapes or forms, I could feel Its Light radiating everywhere. It approached me slowly, and I could feel it: it was so entirely magnificent! I knew the entire universe was under His complete command. No one will ever convince me otherwise. It is not a matter of belief for me. There simply is no other Truth. Without words and without sound, this Presence, whose essence I knew very well from before time existed and who knew ALL about me, and knew EVERYTHING about everything, asked me if I really wanted to die. I thought, ‘I just want to go Home’, you cannot lie to one who knows you so intimately! This was the truth; I did not want to die. In response I felt a ‘pull’ or a ‘tug’ to my right, and turning my attention there, I ‘saw’ Christ as the most indescribable, radiant, powerful, ever Divine Light Essence coming through an immense Golden Portal, surrounded by infinity. I instantly knew it was the ‘Portal of death’. Christ was on the other side and I could feel Him inviting me to come to Him to where He was.

At that point, I made a pause, and sort of wondered what would happen if I went through that Portal, but then I realized that Christ, or Jesus, was on the other side. He was also extending His Self through and past the Portal to reach me, and He was okay! The moment I realized that, I suddenly and swiftly went past the Portal onto the Other Side. This was the most exhilarating aspect of the entire experience, because I had gone through Death and was still alive! I cannot die; I am immortal! Death is nothing but a grand illusion. YAY! I knew it!

The complete expansiveness of sheer JOY I felt at that moment cannot be put to words. Carlos was ‘dead’ but I was more alive than ever. Carlos never existed; The earth and the universe never existed. People and things are just baseless illusions. If they do not exist eternally, they are not real: but I AM! I am Innocent and cannot die! The whole of Heaven was loudly celebrating and rejoicing with me on my arrival. I was back. I could ‘hear’ heavenly bells, trumpets, angelic choirs, laughter and all kinds of happy, joyful sounds of infinite gladness for which we have no name here on earth because those things do not exist here. I felt the unspeakable, all encompassing, unconditional Love of God for me.

It felt really ‘personal’ and because of its unconditional character it is almost incomprehensible. To the point where I thought: ‘All this Love for me? Who am I? I am just a boy who grew up in a middle-lower class family, in a regular neighborhood, went to a regular school. I have no accomplishments. I’ve never done anything remarkably special. I'm just a regular guy, a normal human. What have I done to deserve this? Is ALL this LOVE really for me?’ The moment I finished that thought, I was instantly ‘swallowed up’ by this amazing Love. ‘I’ was completely GONE! There was nothing but Love. No me, no God: just eternal, incomprehensible, indescribable, total, complete, absolute LOVE. Oh, there is another thing too, but I just don't know where it fits in a chronological sequence because there is NO sequence: the moment I ‘died’, I encountered an ‘automatic’ choice. Either I could come back to the same body, or I could choose a different one. This is part of the Perfect Common Natural Order of things; the same Perfect Common Natural Order that is my very Essence. For me, it did not come as a surprise or a disappointment or anything like that. Very quickly, I assessed the situation. It just made sense to return to the same body and use it to ‘finish my business’ here.

It is amazing how incredibly practical the Soul is! To take a different body meant to ‘build’ a personality and a psychological, physical and emotional state and framework all over again from scratch. This involves re-creating many experiences of suffering and pain at all levels for me. But those things were still perfectly ‘useful’ for the Soul's purpose of liberating the mind from the fear of death, which is at the very core of all the fears we know and experience here and we, as Souls and as people want to heal/erase. I ‘saw’, or remembered rather, that each unloving thought we ever had, not only from this incarnation, but from previous lifetimes as well, leave like a ‘wave’ in the ‘fabric of Reality’. Similar to the wake a boat or a ship leaves behind as it crosses the ocean. This does not change reality in any way, it is just not natural, it does not correspond with our own Nature as we were created, as the very Love that we truly are. So our own Nature, our Divine Will, is to correct those meaningless thoughts. That's why we come back over and over again. I understand that to be the true meaning of Compassion.

Another important point I've learned is that the Soul does not ever come into this realm of time and space. What seems to come here is just a tiny aspect of an infinite Mind that still believes in separation, which is the source of all our fears. Including, of course, the fear of death, which is nothing but an effect of our belief in separation from all Life, from God, from Our One Self and from all there is. So, my experience of Heaven was rather ‘short’ for what I recall. I did go straight ‘back to business’ by creating my ‘future life experiences’ before coming back into the body.

I remember using ‘Archetypes’, ‘Patterns’ and so on for different things in order to ‘build’ the blueprint for my present/future life experience/s. The 'past' I had already had, so I built on what was already there and had already experienced. Family, personality, gender, mindset, nationality, historical time, I chose all those things. Furthermore, I would say that every single thought, emotion, feeling, sensation, choice, outcome, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING we go through, even things we are not even remotely consciously aware of: it's all planned. To take things even further, I understand that all our life experiences, happen instantaneously and all at once. Here things only seem to occur in linear sequence but in Truth, our entire lives take place in the ‘blink of an eye’. In other words, what is going to happen tomorrow, it has already happened. We always experience our past. Crazy, eh?

In any case, because I was so eager to free the mind from illusions and the need to come back, I really loaded the ‘blueprint’ with life lessons, tough ones. One of the reasons I wanted to come back, to the same body, is because in the great scheme of things, in the Great Divine Cosmic Plan these are times of great opportunity to free one's mind/soul. Somehow, the year 2000 has a lot to do with it, it marks the end of a Cosmic Cycle, and thus, I really wanted to take full advantage of it. Because part of the ‘Blueprint’ includes the collective as well as the individual, each time we, as individuals heal a fearful thought or belief, the whole of Humanity becomes ‘elevated’ together with us. We are truly one.

I often try to remember to send a silent blessing whenever I see someone suffering, no matter for what reason, because I KNOW he or she is healing his/her mind as well as my mind and the mind of the collective. This is not meant to glorify or justify suffering; it is just that with my NDE I learned that the Soul is at work underneath the suffering I see. They are learning a valuable lesson, and therefore so do I. The same is true whenever I heal. Now, once I was done with the building of the Blueprint I was left with just a few lessons for my ‘next’ and final lifetime, that one will be a breeze!

Once I was finished with the preparations, I sensed a Presence by my ‘right side’. It was a Soul who had completely mastered the ‘Art’ of building a blueprint and had the ‘Function’ of helping other Souls with this task. When I say ‘another Soul’ or ‘another Presence’, this does NOT imply separation in any way, shape or form. It is not different or separate; it is just ‘distinct’ but the same. There is no duality in Reality. As I finished, this Soul telepathically said, ‘It is a heavy load.’ To which I responded: ‘I will remember is not true.’ All this was transmitted with utmost Respect, Gratitude, Trust and Love. There was a very real sense of us honoring each other as ‘One’. Off I went to what I could describe as a Holding Chamber that seemed to put some sort of an invisible buffer around me. I guess I willingly forgot what I was intending to do, because suddenly and without any signs of what was about to happen, I felt a terrible ‘pull downwards’. It was the pull of terror.

It was the terrors of being completely alone, helpless and entirely destitute. Which are, needless to say, the two greatest lessons I am here to learn how to heal. The two main terrors of aloneness and destitution were felt together with the pull downwards. I felt as if I was in the eye of a furious whirlwind of fast, really fast images (of future experiences) accompanied by a deafening noise, as if under an enormous, gigantic waterfall. That was my NDE experience of being in a tunnel. Then suddenly, I was back in my body, which felt like a lousy, loud internal THUMP! I was so very disappointed and sad!!

I recuperated very quickly thanks to the blessings of Acceptance and the fresh memory of who I am in Truth. I was remembering it was not real. Yet now I was suddenly sitting in a completely darkened room again. Alone. I sat there for a while until it was time to go to bed again. This most amazing experience was followed by about 4 weeks of ‘being here but not of here’. I experienced all the stages of human development all the way up to complete enlightenment. I was guided in every step. Whatever question I had was either instantly answered or, in the absence of an answer, I would receive an immediate understanding of the lack of need for the question from the start.

My mind was completely empty. If I needed a thought, it was given. Directions as to what to do were always there. If I needed something, I would either effortlessly find it or it would be given to me. My words or my silence was perfect in all circumstances. I didn't know anything and yet I understood how God/Spirit, Nature and the Cosmos worked and operated. I would attract wild animals like a magnet, they loved being around me (even raccoons!) and I knew they were God's messengers reminding me of how Loved I am, and that I was NOT alone.

I saw how this world is made of the same symbols I used to build, the Blueprint and I could ‘decode’ everything around me, including predicting earthquakes. I also knew that ‘the earth was trembling’ in response to ‘the arrival of the Prodigal Son’ in me. Heaven would speak to me through nature. I recognized Holiness in myself and in everything and everyone. All things were the Buddha. I was Buddha and felt a constant, quiet, springing of sheer joy in me! I received spontaneous healings for hunger, bodily pains and strains, or when feeling cold. No matter what, I would never tire and if I were to lose my strength, all I had to do was ask and I would feel fresh and stronger than a giant beam of reinforced iron, before I even had a chance to notice. I once saw a man completely collapse on the street. Just by prayer, he would be up on his feet within 2 minutes and walking straighter than he was before the collapse.

One day, I started to worry because I was going to be late for my only client that week. I kept checking the clocks on the subway. I was an hour behind and had no chance to call to inform my client. I kept ‘sensing’ that everything was going to be all right. But how? Hopefully, my client would be late too! When I finally arrived at the office and spoke to the person at the reception, she told me I was actually an hour earlier and not an hour late! There were 2 hours I still don't know what happened to them, and cannot account for the time difference. I am still today entirely sure I left the house by the time I had to be at the office!

Everything and I mean everything was upside down and backwards compared to how things were before the NDE. For once I was AWAKE, and I thought I had gone completely mad. All was PERFECT and pure. I was PERFECT and pure and innocent, yet my mind was fighting it at times. It could not reconcile the total contrast of experiences, so I decided to go see my Teacher, a highly accomplished Lama, to tell him of my dilemma. On my way to the temple, I kept being guided on how to get there while avoiding noisy or busy streets. I found this very unsupportive of the profound silence and stillness and sometimes sheer Bliss in which I was living.

On my way, I found an orange by the curb and was guided to pick it up and so I did. It was not a real fruit, but one of those hollow oranges you see sometimes used as decorations. It did not matter, I had been told to pick it up but never to put it down and so I took it with me. When I arrived at the temple, and after telling the Lama what was going on, I presented the orange to him as an offering, since I had nothing else to offer to him. When he held it in his hand he started laughing loudly and told me this was a most wonderful omen. It was a representation of the Perfection of Wisdom and kindly advised me to keep resting in the Innermost nature of my Mind and to come back to see him for further guidance. But I never did, I had other plans I did not know about.

Slowly, the perfect state started to dissipate and the hard lessons started to come my way. I intended this. This is for what I was here. There was one more time when Yeshua appeared to me. I was lying down in bed when , from a picture of Him on the wall, the same familiar ‘hum’ started growing until the whole room was filled with His Presence. I felt a sudden, sharp pain in my left sole. I thought, ‘If you could take the nails on the cross I can certainly accept this.’ The moment I said that in my mind, a flush of electricity went down the leg and I ‘heard’ the first Question: ‘would you seek God and nothing but God?’ as I ‘saw’ an image of myself turning my back on a city skyline to face the Stars. Internally I said, ‘Yes!’

The same process of sharp pain, acceptance and a current going down my leg happened twice more. The other two questions were, ‘Would you accept Christ as your only Identity?’ and, ‘Would you bring everyone to Heaven with you?’ With this, I saw an image regarding everyone as an innocent Child of God. Of course, I said ‘Yes!’ to those questions as well. I immediately saw ‘365’ flashing in deep blue and gold numbers flashing on my forehead and His Presence then just dissolved. I thought I had a full year to fulfill my promise and as time went by, I realized how difficult this was for me to do. A whole year went by and I thought I had failed miserably. Now I was in real trouble! I had the most sublime of all possible experiences a human being could possibly hope for, offered to me purely by the Grace of God, yet I felt I was falling back, back and back, further and further away from what I desired to do. As the thought of miserably betraying God and Yeshua and myself and everything I held dear and sacred became more and more intense, my Mom came to visit me from Argentina, for my birthday.

On February 8th of the year 2000, she gave me as a gift of a golden cross with a star, where normally you'd see a crucified body hanging. That visit was the very last time my mom and me saw each other. That same day my girlfriend, at the time, gave me a book, she apologized in advance saying that she had never seen that book before, but it felt good to buy it for me. The book is called ‘A Course in Miracles’ and prior to that day I had seen it only once, at a book-store but decided it was not for me. When I opened it, the very first thing I saw was the same identical star on the cover as the one that was on the cross my Mom gave me. The second thing I saw, once I opened it, was the same 365 number I had seen in my Vision. That's when it dawned on me what the real Plan was. The Course comes with ‘Workbook Lessons’, 365 of them, one for each day of the year.

It is by practicing the lessons in forgiveness that I get to fulfill my three promises. The book is renowned for having been ‘scribed’ by a woman who ‘heard’ a Voice that identified itself Jesus of Nazareth. It is a practice in mind training, so the thoughts of fear can be ‘forgiven’ and replaced by loving thoughts instead. It was just as I saw on the pattern of the Universe caused by unloving thoughts during my NDE. Everything in that book corresponds exactly with not only my NDE, but also with nearly all the experiences I had immediately after and even before I 'died'. Some of them are described in uncanny, identical details to what I experienced. Long before all this happened, a client had mentioned a Course in Miracles group, which met once a week, just a block from where I had my office.

I ended up completing 3 years + of post-secondary education and training, that the people holding this weekly meeting offered on Transpersonal Psychology, based on the principles and tenets of the Course. There are many more pre and post NDE details, uncanny serendipities, mystical experiences and unexplainable Miracles happening in my life. All to help me go past and learn the lessons offered through bouts of: alcoholism and other addictions, a sometimes terrible temper, suicidal thoughts, homelessness, illness, sexual abuse, depression, family separation, inner conflict and so on. I am not ashamed or regret any of this, although I had become very, very angry with God and with my Soul at times of excruciating emotional pain.

Because of this, I can truly relate to most people’s experiences and can hold a clear, ample, insightful space and words of unconditional Love and acceptance for those who are sent my way for me to help. I can now, post NDE. Also get through the worst experiences so much faster than I ever did! Whereas, before I would be stuck in a rut for months and months at a time, now, in maybe a few days or even only an hour or just in a few minutes I am back on my feet again feeling joyous, optimistic and strong again. As I communicated to the Guide and Helper I met, and joined with during my NDE, I DO now remember none of these seemingly harsh calamities are true. They are just lessons I want to learn and nothing else. Thank God!" "Absolutely! Although I would not call it consciousness, I'd describe it as full sensory and extra-sensory awareness. I/it was BOUNDLESS! I had no psychological or sensory buffer or barriers to the experience in the way we generally have here on earth.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: In and around July 1998

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes. Other: I cannot proved I was clinically dead but this does not matter to me.' I was feeling suicidal. I seriously contemplated terminating my life here on earth, but somehow knew that death was not the answer for which I was so desperately looking. I strongly suspected I would have to come back. My Mother was still alive and the mere thought of her suffering after my death was unbearable, so I decided to find a real answer to my suffering. In a very real way, it was my Mother who saved my life.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No Time and space are illusions. I was only aware of Reality. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I know everything happened in an instant and I can recall the events in a linear time, but I had no sense of actual time, space and linearity or any of those dualistic concepts or ideas. There was just no such thing.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I can't. It is not something I did see through the physical senses, it is something you experience directly.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Here on earth sounds seem to come from the outside and in a certain linear sequence, in Heaven there is no outside, everything happens all at once. Instantaneously. The thoughts transmitted are totally abstract. I have to 'translate' those thoughts into human language. There is no real hearing: just instant, perfect knowing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes When I was 'coming back into my body'. As I explained before, I felt a rush of thoughts, events, images and experiences swirling furiously around me as if I was in the eye of a hurricane. I was being pulled back and downwards into the body by the sheer terror of being totally alone and completely dispossessed. This was together with really loud, deafening sounds: much like being inside, or under, a gigantic waterfall.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I am sorry I've been up all night writing this report and can't find a way to describe these things now. Something I did experience, which was totally out of the ordinary, was the lack of light and color. I could not even describe it as darkness because there was not even 'blackness'. Everything was of an 'unearthly', color quality, brilliance. The Light was alive and had many distinct qualities I recognized as familiar, but there is not much of a term of reference on earth to explain this.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Elation, Unspeakable Joy, Amazement, Inexpressible Love, Surprise, a bit of Doubt. Compassion, Gratitude, Terror, Disappointment. Sadness. Deep, profound Peace. Stillness. Exhilaration.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I knew everything about God, myself and the universe and that which is far beyond the universe.

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

The experience included: Awareness of the future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I just don't know where it fits in a chronological sequence because there is NO linear sequence, but the moment I ‘died’ I ‘automatically’ encountered a choice. I could either come back to the same body, or I could choose a different one. There was no third choice.

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I grew up in a Catholic environment and felt a strong connection with Jesus/Yeshua since I was a child but seldom attended church. I had studied Jewish mysticism, shamanism, and was interested in what the "New Age Thought" had to offer. At the time I could say I was a "Buddhist".

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I am a spiritual person. I practice the Teachings of "A Course in Miracles" to the best of my ability. It is a non-dualistic Spiritual Path, not a religion.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience All I can say right this moment is that I did not believe in God's unconditional Love or that my safety was guaranteed. I wanted to believe that, but in truth, I didn't.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Now I know ‘Who’ I am. Now I know much better, the difference between illusions and the Truth. Now I know what Love and Compassion really is. Now I know that events here can change our concept of who we are, but it cannot change the eternal reality of who we are. Before, I used to put more value in others than in myself, and now that has changed. Now I know the difference in value between form and content. Now I am more honest and kind to myself and to others. Now the approval of others does not count nearly as much. Now I know I love you, even if I don't know you, and even if I get mad at you: those things don't really change anything. Now I am much quicker in remembering the Truth. Now I have more real trust and patience and generosity that I ever experienced before. Now I remember that I am loved even when people forget that they love me. Now I know I am safe, infinitely loved, cared for, safe, valued and valuable, even when I have little food, no money or have to live outdoors for a bit. Now I know I am never ever alone. Now I appreciate others more than I did before. Now I cry more often but I feel better about myself and appreciative of those around me. Now I know God and I are one. Now I know that is true for everyone. Now I am better at remembering that everything and everyone is perfect just as they are at any given moment. Now I am more humble and more selfless than I ever was.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No I heard things, but I wouldn't call it voices because they had no sound. Even though the communication was crystal clear and I could tell by the vibrational signature, who was 'talking'. There was no sense of doubt, confusion, ambivalence or any of those 'muddy' things we experience here. With 'Mother Mary’, she never spoke and yet there was no other possibility except to say it WAS her. Even when I say 'Her', is not a matter of gender. Again, it was more of a distinctly identifiable vibrational tone or 'signature', rather than a 'voice' or a 'sound' per se. The mind has to necessarily 'translate', or 'decode' these things so the consciousness can make some sense of it all. When I encountered what we know, or consider, as God, IT never spoke and yet it transmitted or communicated the most amazing, all- encompassing Love, one could ever possibly imagine, and it was even beyond that. In the case of Yeshua, or with the Guide, it was like they had a thought and you had it as well, simultaneously, and vice versa. There is no separation, you are aware of all there is all at the same without any confusion whatsoever.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I 'felt Mother Mary and Jesus. Mary was all over space and so was Jesus. But Jesus directed my attention towards a certain direction and I could "see" him as Light and the could identify many magnificent qualities His Light "embodies", but I saw nothing l

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes As I planned my 'future/present' experiences I became aware of 'lessons' that were 'left over' and would form the basis for my 'next' and final life time. I just knew that there had been numerous life times which I had already 'in the bag', which I had al

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes All things are connected in oneness. It is absolutely impossible for things not to be. If they were they would not, could not exist at all. There is a continum, a unity in and to all there is. When planning this life time for example, I didn't planned the

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes At one point during my nde shortly after realizing my immortality I felt the unspeakable, all encompassing, unconditional Love of God for me. It felt really "personal" and because of its unconditional character is almost uncomprehensible. To the point where I thought: "All this Love for me? Who am I? I am just a boy who grew up in a regular family, a regular neighbourghood, went to a regular school. I have no accomplishments. Never done anything remarkably special. I'm just a regular guy, a normal human. What I have done? Is ALL this LOVE really for me?". And the moment I finisehd that thought I was "swallowed up" by this amazing, radiant, Love, and "I" was completely GONE! "I" dissolved, melted, became pperfectly one with this God. There was nothing but Love. No me, no God... just eternal, incomprehensible, undescribable, total, complete, absolute LOVE. I wouldn't even call it Love because It is not a thing or anything... Is pure Issness. Impossible to describe! There was nothing to describe.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes There might be more. I started this questionnaire many hours ago, I've been up all night, and unfortunately I cannot think of anything right now. If something comes to mind that I can share with you folks at a later time I will. Just let me know if and how I can do that.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Well, in Reality we are not even here. There is no 'here' to be at all. Life on earth is an illusion. Time, space and physicality are all facets of the same grand illusion. The only purpose for coming into this realm is to fully and completely realize we

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I don't quite understand this question. If I am not "in my body" and am not on earth or anywhere resembling phisicality and I'm more ALIVE than I ever felt before or after, what kind of specific information / awareness / suggestion is necesary? Life on ea

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain I cannot think of anything right now. If something is offered that I can share with you folks at a later time I will. Just let me know if I can do that.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Unknown

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Only Love is Real, I cannot offer specifics because Love is NOT specific. That's what I learn on the side of Reality. Even tho I felt the entirety of God's Love directed towards me I also knew that God's Love for All His Creation is equally total. The dua

Were you compassionate after your experience? Unknown

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. Sorry, but so much had changed in me that I can't go into that right at this moment.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes This type of direct experience is so extraordinary that ordinary communication can never be sufficient. Words are symbols of symbols twice removed from the Truth. To translate such an experience in words is not difficult, it is impossible!

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I had 3 or 4 weeks of living in a nearly completely altered state of consciousness where I had so very many eventful, memorable occurrences, situations and moments that make re-calling all those many events somewhat difficult and somewhat less accurate in some cases. Besides, I was so grounded in Divine Presence, time, space and the earth had lost their old meaning and purpose reducing the amount of events and situations my mind was focused on.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain