It was January. I had started to feel very ill. Having Crohn's disease I thought that maybe this was the problem. I had just returned from the Ukraine where it wasn't safe to drink the water. As a result I only drink bottled water. I was actually visiting family who lived in the Ukraine, Russia, Kazakhstan and what was formally East Germany. We were there for a wedding. Unfortunately, the bottled water print was only in Ukrainian, so, I couldn't read the list of nutrients that it contained. After returning home a sense of weakness was slowly increasing. And by January I found I could barely function. I constantly felt as though I was going to pass out. My driving became a problem. I couldn't dress myself. I did not want to eat. And I felt short of breath. I started scheduling my clinical clients later and later because I could not get out of bed in the mornings. This got my husband's attention. Then one day I found my husband and son not only dressing me but putting me in the car. I don't remember the drive to my family doctor's office, but I have vague memories of being there. I know they took my blood. And I remember being told I needed to get out of the wheelchair for a chest X-ray. I couldn't stand. My doctor told my husband that I needed to get to the emergency room because I had a lethal Calcemia issue. My levels were at a deadly high level. Later on I would learn that my body had absorbed too much calcium from the bottled water in the Ukraine. Plus, one of my Crohn's medicines had been changed and it was full of calcium. I don't remember going to the emergency room. Nor do I remember any of the multitude of tests they ran me through, or how I ended up in my hospital room with a hospital gown on. My husband was amazed to discovered that I was in the exact hospital room my father-in-law had been in before he passed. I cannot tell you how much comfort this gave me. During those early days I went in and out of consciousness. I was so scared. I didn't know what was wrong with me. During one of those days I had an unusual experience.
For decades I have been researching deathbed visions and published books on this, so I was very familiar with the near death experience. If this had been a classic near death experience I would have understood it right away. But it wasn't. It was my experience. I don't remember what day it was. Nor do I remember a time.
Suddenly there was no time. And I felt myself looking out my door into a golden room. I mean it was bright gold and it was beautiful. There were rays of gold streaming through, and there were people covered in gold talking, laughing at a desk. I watched them and felt happy. there was a blond haired young woman behind the desk, a man dressed in jeans and , with another man dressed in trousers like my grandfathers. They were all covered in gold. Along with this, there was a brighter color of gold to the right of the desk. At the same time I could also see the two young nurses in my room. As they chatted I just kept watching the golden endless light outside the room.
Then I saw a hallway. It appeared right across from my room. It wasn't as golden as the other, but it was still gold. And I heard a weird sort of singing or talking. I couldn't really understand it but it did leave me feeling calm. One main voice contain wisdom, strength, reassurance. As the voice talked I heard the tinkling of bells. The combination of these pretty, softly tinkling bells and the voice was so soothing. Then I noticed that in the hallway across from me, people of all nationalities and ages were some how filtering into the hallway and then ending up behind the curtains. I kept trying to figure out how they were doing that. Once behind those curtains I saw forms moving. And I heard quiet laughter. It fell like some sort of reunion was going on. I just kept watching the forms sort of float, sit, behind the curtain. I can't really explain it, or how long I watched this. When I look back on it now I still cry as it was such a powerful experience. It seemed like it went on for days. Or time got lost.
Sometime later, I found myself back. No calming spiritually soothing voice, tinkling bells, or golden light. Back in my room. Where the golden light had been was just a nurses station, dark wood, no light, no joy. Across from my room, no golden hallway full of happy people. Just hospital rooms. The two nurses were still there, in my room. I was aware but it wasn't the same. I wanted out of the hospital.
Date NDE Occurred: January 15, 2014
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
I developed lethal doses of calcium in my bloodstream because of traveling in Eastern Europe. I became very lethargic, was in and out of consciousness, but didn't suffer death, heart failure or damage.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I saw golden beings in human form standing around a desk, wearing sort of modern clothing, laughing and joking, with brighter gold light on the right.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It seemed sharper and softer at the same time. I felt like I was being given some sort of message but I couldn't understand the words. I knew it was good. Everything was beautiful or it caught my curiosity. It was brilliant.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the event, I felt fully conscious, not like I had been. My curiosity was high, and my emotions of fear were gone. I felt so calm.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
Well, I forgot time, but the scenes changed suddenly from bright golden light to a tinged-green golden light scene.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The colors were brighter. The emotions were stronger. The ability to know what was being a said without it being said. The emotions it continues to elicit today and the love is so intense. I have felt these feelings only a few times before. When I gave birth to my sons and on several occasions with my husband, I have felt this intense love. When my son was three months old, I went to visit Raymond Moody and his psychomantum at his home. During the time, my entire family, and friends, living in the afterlife manifested. They appeared to me in energy form and their love for me was incredible. This experience felt like that. Prior to this experience in the hospital, I was feeling upset, my body wasn't working, I was distressed, I wanted to run but couldn't and I was scared. Before the illness, my everyday life was full of emotion and wonder but not like the event in the hospital. During the event, I felt very calm.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard voices, but with hearing I couldn't grasp what they were saying - but I knew it was good.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I think today that I know them. But I still can't place them. All I know is that they were wearing clothes that were country or from 20 years ago. They were covered in gold and light, standing next to a golden desk, and that there was a brighter light to the right of the desk. The next part, involving those in the hallway is a bit different. The golden color isn't as bright (had a tinge of green) and I don't know who they are.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes First, I saw golden beings, human looking, dressed in semi-modern clothing covered in gold. There were two men and one woman. The clothes were not super modern. Then there was gold bight light everywhere. There was one point, beyond this golden desk that was really, really bright.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place I was on my bed, but in front of me was this strange scene.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Joy, curiosity, love, peace, light, initial frustration in trying to hear the voices, but then peace, understanding, comfortable, loss of time and I was not on any mood altering meds.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Jewish I'm also a Spiritualist and sensitive/medium and most important, I try to be of service.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Spiritually, not religiously, I'm more aware. I'm not interested in finishing the race. Instead, I know that the journey will continue. Even into the Spirit World. I really know that. I am more interested in serving spirit and in being there for those who really do need me. This is very hard to explain.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Jewish I like Jewish services but am not interested in any dogma. Same goes for Spiritualism. As a Medium my purpose is to spiritually unfold personally and be of service.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I may have seen a tunnel but I don't know. The really bright light to the right of the golden desk in the golden room. I didn't have a life review. I didn't meet god, but some holy presence. I may have seen deceased relatives. I was more focused in on the light. Also, I was focused in on the voice. In the holiness of the experience.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am never alone, ever.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The voice I heard in the hallway had no body. But I did feel it was holy, ancient. I did sense the voice belonged to an older man, not black, not white in color, but in-between, but I couldn't see this.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I don't know
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes What I did get was a sense of calmness, that it would be okay.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I haven't had a fear of death for decades. What I felt was happening was that that I'd come close to dying, but it wasn't my time. Dying isn't an issue for me, but being so sick is. I can't be there for my family or others who depend on me. Several years after this event, I almost died again. I found myself in the hospital again, with a bacterial infection. The doctors couldn't figure out what the infection was. I had five surgeries in three weeks. Today, two months later after these surgeries, I'm still recovering. At one point, in the hospital, a presence came. In that experience I was told it would be hard but that it would be OK. That presence was similar to the Voice.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Very calm. I don't remember what the voice said, but I felt calm. I got frustrated only when I couldn't identify the clothes the people at the desk were wearing because they were everyday like. My difficulties were forgotten.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes It was overwhelming. When I look back on it now, I still feel overwhelmed, just overwhelmed. It was followed by calmness and then curiosity. The love was everywhere.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I have Crohn's Disease and have been sick off and on all my life. Before this, I always felt so hopeless, lonely when illness came. But now I really know I'm never, ever alone. I really get it now. With this, I have noticed I'm a bit more grateful and compassionateâ€¦ quicker to check my judgments of others. My priorities in life have shifted a number of times, and after the experience, they shifted again. More geared toward service, listening even more, really listening. I've found I become more upset with people in my field who injure others, who are primarily focused in on their own gain or fame. Seeing this hurt of others really gets to me, but then I've had to learn to remember this is their journey, their learning, their spiritual evolution.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I couldn't hear words but knew it was somehow good. I couldn't see behind the curtain, but could hear soft joyful whispers. The Voice at times was speaking to me. I heard no words. It was joyful. No fear. Peaceful.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. The bright light was so bright - I can't find words to describe it. I felt overwhelmed by it and kept trying to look at a brighter part even more. The joy, calmness was not there before the experience. Before, I was scared, so scared. Alone, lonely.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes My medium-ship grew by leaps and bounds. My maternal grandfather and mother passed the ability on down to my sister and myself. Now my son has the ability. But the ability must continue to be developed. Since the experience, I feel my ability is being super-charged.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The Voice. The love, the intensity of it. The light.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It actually took about a month and then I didn't share the whole event. I told my husband who had had a NDE. He was very supportive, understanding. Later on, I shared everything. His experience was a bit more tradition, so at first I just didn't share everything. Since then I've shared with a few more people and they have all been very attentive, interested. It still feels so close to me, as did the event at Raymond's, but eventually I will let go and share even more. That is beginning to happen.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I have been writing books on deathbed visions for a very long time. I also publish articles and lecture from time to time. I'm not a big name but I do get around. Have been to NDE conferences and presented.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real At first, I had the event, but my illness was so frightening, consuming. Once out of the hospital I would look at the event from time to time. It was so specific, brilliant. It was more real than life. I don't know why I kept back shelving it. Then one day it really hit me and I found myself in tears. So grateful and I had to tell my husband.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I don't think it was a traditional NDE, but it was something. I was so sick, full of distress, physical discomfort, and loneliness before the event. Then suddenly I felt calm, not scared. It was real. I still remember it very clearly. I still feel it. I know for sure I'm never alone.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain Yes, when I was at Raymond Moody's in one of his psychomantums. The light wasn't as intense but when my spirit family and friends visited, all at once energy from the feeling of love was almost as intense.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No, thank-you.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Some questions were very specific.