Prior to my near death experience, I had been exposed to Black Mold for months in the home I lived in at the time with my husband and son, in California. At one point, I had had pneumonia, and was traveling between my parents' home in Santa Clara County, and my home in Monterey County. My symptoms had not been diagnosed or contemplated by a physician at this point. While in Santa Clara County, I would recover, only to relapse in Monterey County upon returning home.
I finally relocated to Santa Clara County. At that time, my near death experience took place. I was losing consciousness at night. The paramedics would arrive, administer first aide and haul me off to emergency. I would be stabilized and sent home. The near death experience happened on the third round of the repeating experience. My son dragged me about 15 to 20 feet to the wall phone and called 911. They sent fire and paramedics. They also sent the Delta Squad, the city's police unit contacted for any death circumstances.
My son has been the best historian of each account. He was 17 at the time. According to him they injected my heart almost immediately, then the paddles. My heart was jump-started on repeated occasions. I do not remember the number of times, nor do I know the protocol. All the while oxygen was administered.
There is an aside here that is unique to my experience. The fire captain would listen on his unit and come from wherever he was to be with my son! On this particular occasion, he arrived in casual attire, worn blue jeans and sweater, complete with slippers.
My personal experience follows: Let me begin by saying that the idea of pleasant emotions does not apply here. I knew exactly what was transpiring, and I was not happy.
My first recollection was being in a darkened tunnel, similar to many photos that I have since viewed of deep underground tunnels in the city of New York. The light was dim. I was aware of low volume conversing around me, and the activity of groups of people walking past me as well as individuals. They were all ages. I refused to focus. The entire landscape was cast in shades of gray.
Through past life regression exercises, I have learned to look down at my feet first to get my bearings. I looked down and focused upon my feet. I was bare-footed. I fixed my eyes upon my feet to get into my present situation with more clarity. This took what seemed to be a few moments. When I dared to look up, I could see persons walking that were about 5 feet away. The tunnel was about 75 feet high at the center and maybe 30 feet across.
At that point, a man came into my view and walked about 2 to 3 feet in front of me at a 30-degree angle, from a starting point of maybe 10 feet away. He looked like a 1940's gangland character. His nose was long and pointed. He had a white-wall haircut, and a face, as they say; only his mother could love. He wore a felt hat, pulled down in the style of that era. He glared at me, swerved away, and kept walking. He was all in shades of grey down to his cuffed slacks. He was scared, angry, and hostile.
I looked at my surroundings. The tunnel was huge. Everyone was walking from my left to right. I was against the wall of the tunnel. No one was close to me. I became aware that I was moving, too: just with less conviction and much slower with stops and starts.
Then, I became aware that the top 1/3 of the tunnel was beginning to fill with light from a location further down the tunnel. Yes, the light had an ethereal quality. It was a lovely, vibrant butter-yellow as it became more infused across the ceiling of the tunnel. I really wanted out of there. My next recollection is of a dark room, or location that felt like a room. Pitch black dark. I am very aware that I am not alone. I also do not feel as incorporated as a physical entity. I am less certain of my 'form.'
There is a very intense struggle going on here. I am refusing to dis-corporate, as it were. There is intense discussion between myself and at least two other beings. I cannot 'see' them. However, their presence is intense. There is a struggle to stay in this body. I start reciting an incantation that I was taught by my therapist that she insisted the Catholic Priests used while performing exorcisms.
I am aware of how strange and ridiculous this sounds. I can only imagine all the strange manner of 'things' that get repeated in this questionnaire.
I could barely get it out at first. I repeated it over and over. As I came to in my mother's kitchen, the sight in front of me was telling. I was pushed back against the wall. The gurney was pulled as high as it could be so it could be pushed. I was strapped in, covered thoroughly, wrapped in blankets. Standing a few feet away from me was a speechless group of four paramedics, four fire rescue crew, the Delta Squad policewoman, the fire chief and my son. Apparently, they were getting ready to declare me dead when I started shouting my incantation. I remember coming to consciousness reciting. I did not know that I had been shouting. On my end, it was a struggle to get the words out.
I was taken out after they all gave me a greeting one by one. I admonished the Delta Squad woman for not taking off her sunglasses. She was, I am sure, behind those glasses hiding with relief from this strange encounter. The room simply came into focus. My son was being comforted with a strong arm around his shoulders. I asked the Chief to stay with my son until everyone left. At this point, the paramedics took over. There were four young men, ages in their twenties. They all wanted to talk to me at once when we got to the ambulance.
I remember the expressions of uncertainty on all, but one. The driver was a big muscular guy who had a grin from ear to ear. He patted the back of his seat over his head and said, 'Put the Lady up here by me.' He then asked if they could take a minute or two to recite to me their experiences with my rescue. Apparently, they all had never seen anything like it. I was going to be covered up (my face?), when I started hollering a prayer?!!! The paramedics and fire rescue all jumped and started swearing. Then they listened to my incantation, dumbfounded. I went from silence to shouting. Not present, to very present.
The driver told me that I was going to make the annals of the stories they told for years to come. I do not give out the details of my incantation. However, it involves acknowledging the Trinity and blue flame, and a sword. Yup, I do believe that the incantation has power independent of any person reciting it. I also know the incantation goes back in time prior to the beginnings of organized religion. I do not know how the reciting of it aided me. I only know they all heard me in my mother's kitchen that night. Upon reflection, I do know that I had to fight, struggle, to not give 'in' to the experience. Scientifically, I cannot imagine that my experience is more than a 'yarn.'
There are gaps of awareness in the transitions I experienced. The emotions were intense, mostly extreme determination to STAY. I can remember the tunnel vividly, the emotions emanating off those walking past me, speaking in hushed tones, some comforting each other, quiet reverence, and fear. There was never any awe or jubilation coming from anyone. The tunnel had groups and individuals passing through. I have since seen photos of tunnels that look exactly like the one in which we were. Maybe other tunnels carry happier versions of what I was experiencing. There was no happiness or joy involved. I was taken to Stanford Hospital. I was diagnosed with lack of arterial oxygen. I was on an oxygen machine for an entire year of almost around the clock use.
I still use oxygen from time to time. Seven years have passed. I went to many near death sites and was totally discouraged. I just found the website tonight in a fit of insomnia. I am certain that I had an out-of-body experience. My oldest child has a doctorate in biological anthropology. She would like to insist that my brain was creating the entire experience, that all near death experiences are the brain's activity, nothing more. Over the years, my son has not wanted to disclose much of anything until maybe the last year or so. At which times he has confirmed what the paramedics divulged. He also has been exceptional at remembering details. He has had mild posttraumatic symptoms that he is now able to process. I am grateful to be here in this body, in this life. My first grandchild was born 5 months ago. I desire to help my son with his college education, and to be around to fulfill my desires with a career in the healing arts. I am grateful for this experience. My wish is that somehow this experience will impart information that will be helpful in some manner. Thank you.
Date NDE Occurred: 'October 20, 2006'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Other: 'I was clinically dear at the scene, but not declared formally by paramedics because I recovered so quickly. So, there was no formal pronouncement.'
I was losing consciousness on several occasions. I required medical attention from rescue professionals, as well as trips to the local emergency room. The local fire rescue unit came to know me personally. My heart needed to be jump started on three separate occasions. My heart now sits 30 degrees off center from those experiences. I was subsequently diagnosed as having low arterial blood oxygen levels.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No The chanting of my incantation was very real on this physical plane.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? What I remember was very clear and I was totally alert. The clarity and intensity of emotion was more focused and intense than any before or since.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw with my mind's eye I am sure. However, the experience was identical to the manner in which I 'see' every day, normally.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Tunnel was identical to those in New York underground. I had never seen photos prior to my experience. I found it very interesting to come upon a photo in a magazine that looked exactly like the one I experienced.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes When discussing me in the pitch black room, 'I' discussed me with beings whose responsibility was to question me. I believe that may well be their purpose on whatever dimension I was in at the time; meaning 'I' being 'me' as a soul, independent of my body.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes People have said it is hard to describe, not for me: luminescent, buttery yellow, filling the top 10-20 feet of the tunnel as we moved closer. I REFUSED to look directly at it by a very conscious choice. No way was I going to 'look into the light!'
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place The tunnel and the pitch black holding cell.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Determination focused on staying here in my body. No fear, no anger, no joy, only single-mindedness of purpose: period. Very intense focus used to get a tough mental, emotional, and physical job completed. I had no other focus.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I understood very clearly that this was my show and I wanted back into my present life.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will There was never any question about leaving. I wanted to remain with all of my being.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Buddhist According to the teachings of Buddha, Buddhism is NOT a religion. It is a path to enlightment. You can practice any religion and encorporate the teachings of Buddhism. I was raised Catholic. I prefer the historical teachings of Christ.I believe I am spiritual in nature at this time in my soul development. I do not believe in organized religion.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? No comment
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience The fear and unhappiness of those in the tunnel. And that man who came in for a look...What WAS that all about? I believe those around me were reflecting my experience. I had no preconsieved ideas. I was open to the experience. Upon reflection I am inclined to believe maybe 30% of those reciting their encounters. The Black Room encounter was also not what I would expect. But within the realm of what I believe. So, the sadness in the tunnel was inconsistent. While the Black Room encounter was possibly consistent with such matters involving my argument to remain in this lifetime.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I had pretty much given up on myself. I had all the best intention. I was so ill that my functioning was a day-to-day drudgery. The experience jolted me out of that reality. I am as terrified as ever. However, today I am back out in the world, cleaning up my act from years of disuse. I am learning determination again and applied focus in a new set of variables.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin When I was in the pitch black location I was having a discussion with at least one being; perhaps up to three beings. They spoke to me in regular conversational voices. There was never any gender question, they were amorphous.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes The collective awareness while in "the black room" was one of lifetimes being viewed through the concept that the soul is a combination of the of lifetimes experienced. I was reminded of what I tell my kids; that they can think of themselves as a pearl n
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes The beings knew all about me, and I them.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes My belief system includes reincarnation. Therefore I was in an experience defined by those beliefs The discussion was about the possibility or not, that I would be allowed to continue in this present lifetime.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes We are all here for a purpose, no matter how insignifigant to our way of thinking and feeling. I insisted upon coming back and elaborating by the doing of my life purpose. I am very grateful they complied.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. First, let me begin by stating that the term 'GOD' is a human construct. Do I believe that there is a force 'out there' with a collective agenda that is at the source of all that this creation is and is not? YES. What is the expression? We are 'God' and 'God' is us. The change is the confirmation in my belief. I feel for certain that we, the collective we from the beginnings of our planet up to this moment, are all connected. For 'good' or 'bad' the thread of our 'god selves' connects us through millennia over and over to who we are as individuals and as a collective. My experience, the emotional connect to those in the tunnel, the familiarity of those beings in the Black Room. We all knew each other.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I apply myself even more diligently to be the best me I can be. I am determined to 'leave' this earthly plane with my heart-self intact: not afraid, and fulfilled, ready for the next adventure.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Only because of its intensity.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience Life was a struggle at that point with my health. I had no idea that I would experience such a life altering encounter with myself...
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I come from an unusual genetic strain of historically documented women who have been healers and seers. I broke through to a fresh start. What I do with this understanding remains to be seen.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes With my children as soon as I could articulate: within days. Since telling them, I've only told a few persons. My children were not surprised based upon my history. They totally did not question me, and believed me. Even my Ph.D. child holds my experience in suspended belief. The collective response has been one of understanding and possibility.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I knew from reading and discussion. No, it did not influence my experience.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real The unpleasantness, the severity, and intensity, along with the clarity verify the reality. Not to mention the impartial witnesses, who knew they were experiencing something out of the ordinary.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Time only confirms what I encountered. I was very ill and could have died. The fact that my heart is 30 degrees off center is a constant reminder. I survived repeated electro-shocks to the heart. I want to be here now, as it were. I decided to stay, I insisted. I believed it then as I do presently.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes, I am grateful.