I was being attacked. I was lying on my back on the ground with the assailant sitting on top of me with my arms pinned under his knees and he sitting on my hip/thighs. I was being strangled with one hand, while the other hand was smothering me and hitting my head against the ground. I was struggling but not able to move. Mentally, I was fighting for life. Then, I realized I was in darkness - fully aware and conscious, but no longer where I had been. The darkness was not scary or frightening. I only felt surprised, and I remember thinking, 'Oh, this is how I die.' I had no bad feelings, just surprise. I then consciously let go of the struggle for life and was immediately with the Light. I was outside of the physical world entirely, outside of time and space.
I could see not with eyes but through sensing. I was enveloped in the Light. I felt unconditional love, peace and joy to an extent that can never be felt or experienced here. I was one with the Light. I was whole. I was home. No bad or evil exist there. There is no pain, no hunger, no thirst, no suffering, no struggle, no baggage, no illness, etc. I sensed there were many and that we were all one, one with each other and one with the Light in perfect Holy Communion with the Light. I felt such awe, love, peace, and joy. I felt no passing of time.
I didn't give one thought to this world, its people, or my life. I feel bad now that I didn't, but it just wasn't there. Maybe it's because I was in such awe. I didn't see people, like as people or recognize one from the other. I just sensed that there were many and we were one with each other and one with the Light. It's not how I had thought it would be. I thought there would be a tunnel and that my life would flash before my eyes, that I would look down upon my body, or be met by dead relatives. My ideas of it prior to this experience were in such physical terms. Anyway, in my experience, it was perfection. It truly is where (or in what for of existence) we are meant to be. Then, as suddenly as I was there, I was back. My assailant still had me pinned but had let go of my throat and face and was not hitting my head against the floor anymore. The first thing I experienced was PAIN. Then, I opened my eyes to more brutality.
I first went into denial about the entire experience. I pretended none of it had happened. About a year later, I went through post-traumatic stress (never sought help). I had all the classic symptoms and problems. In addition, I was angry for being back here instead of there. Once back, I felt a huge weight on me - not literally but, I had a greater perception of all that's bad, because I had felt what it's like to be in an existence without it. I feel the evil and brokenness of the world we live on. We are not whole. I feel the sins. It's like if a person were born with a heavy boulder on his back. He knows it's there, but doesn't know anything different. Then, the boulder is taken off his back for a while. He feels the weight gone. Then the boulder is put back on. The boulder then feels so much heavier than before. That's what it's like to be here now.
I only want to be there again someday, when God wills it. I call the Light God. I love that Light with all my heart and soul.
I don't know what it's all really about. I know the possibility that it was just a physiological phenomenon, but I don't believe it was. I consider it such a bitter-sweet blessing.
Date NDE Occurred: February 2004
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack Other 'I don't know, because I did not go to the hospital. It was during a violent attack against me. I was being beaten, strangled and smothered. I had a near death experience and then came back.'
I was being attacked.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness Didn't notice a difference in the level.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Didn't notice a difference in the level.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Well, it's hard to explain. I felt and saw that way, not through anything physical as it's outside the physical world. I'm not sure how I was seeing. I felt alert, conscious and thinking, but I was in such awe, joy, etc., that I didn't really think about how I was seeing and all that. I just relished in the experience. It was an experience/sensing, rather than actually seeing with physical eyes. I don't know. I was there. It was a different existence entirely. How can anyone explain anything that's outside our physical world and outside of time and space?
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember hearing anything. Not sure.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I don't remember the tunnel, but it's possible. Seemed to me I was in the dark void and then I consciously let go struggling for life and was immediately in the light.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Absolutely :)
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No Nothing physical.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Awe, surprise, wonder, love, peace, joy, contentment.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain Yes and No. I am still on that journey. The experience did give me enlightenment and a deeper understanding of that existence outside of the physical world and outside of time and space. I also understand the words 'in perfect holy communion' now, because that's what it is. You may think that's my Catholic upbringing, but I never understood those words. But, now, I see they very accurately describe the experience I had.
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist 'Catholic but with a broadened, more enlightened understanding. Open.'
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain Yes and No. I am still on that journey. The experience did give me enlightenment and a deeper understanding of that existence outside of the physical world and outside of time and space. I also understand the words 'in perfect holy communion' now, because that's what it is. You may think that's my Catholic upbringing, but I never understood those words. But, now, I see they very accurately describe the experience I had.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I felt like I was home. I felt the oneness and wholeness. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore. I had no questions, as nothing else seemed to matter. All the things I think I want to know when I'm here disappeared and didn't seem to matter when I was there.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I was angry to be back. I wish I could say I came back peaceful and wonderful, etc. But I didn't. I still don't know why we are here. It must be necessary for whatever reason. I say that because I cannot think that the Light would unnecessarily cause us pain or suffering. The Light loves us more than we can imagine.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It exists outside the physical world and outside time and space or rather the time/space fabric; therefore, it is difficult to express in terms of our physical world.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes At least a year passed before I shared it, and even then I didn't share it fully until several years had passed. It's an experience that I will never forget. I went into denial first, (because of what caused my NDE). Then, I was angry, very angry for having to come back here. Why show me that only to send me back to this? Nothing feels as sweet here now. I am so much more sensitive and aware of all that's bad. I was angry at the Light for a while, but now I understand - kind of. I'm not angry at the Light. It must just be necessary. I love the Light. I can't wait to go back and be with the Light again - when God wills it.
Anyway, I really only talk about it to my Sister, and she said that actually there are others who had an experience like mine and were angry when they came back. She said mine isn't all that different or crazy. I always hear about floating over the body, the tunnel, life flashing before them, meeting deceased relatives - and mine wasn't like that.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard that people floated over their bodies, saw worldly events, went through a tunnel, saw their life events flash before them, met deceased relatives, etc. But, my experience wasn't like that.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I always believed that I died and joined the Light. I went into denial about the cause of the NDE and therefore didn't allow myself to think about any of it for a while, but I didn't doubt what I think it was.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Do I have occasional doubts? Yes. I know there are other possibilities, but I still believe it was real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It's still incredibly emotional for me.