Brenda R NDE

Experience Description

All of a sudden, I was in the presence of those people who had died before me. I do not know how I got there, but there was a presence beside me at all times. Those individuals before me were happy to see me, and I was overjoyed to see them. I knew who each person was before me at that time, but I do not know who they were when I look back. I was so happy to be totally myself, basking in the knowledge that I was free of my body and all the defense mechanisms that we put forth in this everyday body. All of a sudden, I heard a voice behind me that said, 'But what about Earth?' I tried to turn to see where the voice came from, but I knew that I could not do that. Then I saw before me a vision of the beautiful Earth with the fall trees that were vibrant that year in western New York. I responded, 'Earth was beautiful.’ I was not actually speaking. It was more like thought projection that was heard and understood by all around me.

Then I saw myself and I said, 'That body was not so bad,’ because I have had a problem with weight on and off. Then I saw my husband and my four children. I got a longing to go back, but I said, 'No, I do not want to go back.' I kept fighting going back and refusing despite the pull. Then I thought that I would strike a bargain. I had many surgeries and could never remember my dreams upon waking; so, I thought projected, 'OK, I’ll go back but only if I can remember all of this like it just happened.' I was answered with a projected, 'Yes, you will.' I thought, 'Oh, crap, I made the wrong bargain,' and the pull became stronger. In my defiance, I said, 'OK, I will go back, but not the short way, the long way.' For some reason I knew there was a shorter way back, but I was being defiant, and the being behind me said, 'Go.'

The people before me vanished, and the presence beside me and I began making my way back the long way, like going around a lake. Then I was coming back through the tunnel. It really wasn’t a tunnel, but the words to explain such a thing are so lacking in our language. As I was going backward, I saw three different events in my life that were part of the future. Two of those events gave me great shudders and a feeling of relief when I had completely passed them. Then we were over the top of the hospital and descending through the roof, passing different floors and seeing people walking and working on those floors. Eventually we were in the operating room, looking down upon my body and the two doctors and nurse. I heard them talking about me. The doctor said, 'I will not lose this patient over such a simple operation.' They were working around my head. We stood floating above the operating table watching for a few seconds. I turned to the being beside me, and I thought projected, 'No, I am not going back in there. No, no, no. No way.' It appeared that he lost patience with me. He moved his hand toward the body, and immediately I was inside my body that was void of life. The doctor was saying my name and saying, 'You must take a breath.' I was inside saying, 'Nope, not going to do it, no, no.'

The doctor said it twice again, and then I knew that I had to take the breath of life even if I did not want to. I did, and I felt the stream of living waters fill my body with life, and the breath hurt. As I was coming out in the recovery room, tears were streaming down my face, and the nurse was wiping them from my face. I felt so lost from the wonderful presence of afterlife. I wanted desperately to be in that alternate place where I felt so free to be my total self, where I was surrounded by love and beauty that our language has no words to explain. I began speaking in tongues, as I tried to hold on to the last thread of that wonderful place. In English, I finally told the nurse that I did not want to come back. I could tell that it really, really upset her, and she said to remember that I had a baby that needed me.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: October 2, 1978

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related. Childbirth. Other: surgery to have my tubes tied the next day after delivering a child. Complication during surgery

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes When passing through the floors to get to the operating room where my body was, I saw nurses’ stations, people walking around, work going on. When we got into the operating room, we were looking down upon my void body. The doctor was talking, and they were doing things up around my top part of my body. The nurse was on the left, and my doctor and the other doctor who put me out were on the right hand side. As I wrote before, he was saying that he would not lose me over such a simple operation. I knew it was he saying it, because he has an accent that I can duplicate! I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It is hard to explain. You knew everyone around you. You felt total love and brightness. The colors were living, meaning they were vibrant and pulsing with life. You did not need to speak but rather you could hear people's thoughts. It was more alive than what we see here, because we have defense mechanisms and are hampered by our bodies. People do not believe me when I describe this, and I kept it very quiet until people started talking about it on TV.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Throughout the entire experience, I had the greatest and highest level of consciousness until I took that breath, refilled by body, and felt them remove the thing from my throat.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual It appeared that I got there very fast, but when I was there, it was normal timing. As I returned, it sped up as I was coming back through the tunnel and then over the hospital roof.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was very clear until coming back through the 'tunnel.' Then it seemed like things were speeding up, and I was going backward in time seeing some things of my future, until we were over the top of the hospital. I could clearly see the roof and the stuff on the top of the rooms like air ventilators, and I could see the high school across the street. Even when I was in Heaven, the people did not have bodies like you and me now, but I cannot explain how I knew them.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was like thought projection. We did not speak with our mouth moving, but what I thought those around me heard. Like when the voice, whom I identified as God, said, 'What about Earth.' It was spoken, yes, but not like you and I talk, but more like it was projected to me. I am sorry, it is hard to explain.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Yes, but it is not like a tunnel that we know in our life. Tunnels are concrete things, but this was a more of a portal or worm hole like I have seen in scientific magazines.

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I identified the people who were there to greet me, although they were not of this earthly form. I knew who they were, and they were so happy to see me and me them. They were loved ones, people I knew, but there were also people that I knew on Earth still alive. It was like I had gone into the future, and I believe that some of those people I saw then have since died on Earth. Some had already been dead. It is odd; I knew who they were when I was there but cannot tell you who they were after coming back in my body.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain No, I did not need to go into the light. When I first became consciousness, I was already in Heaven with the being beside me who, I knew, had brought me here. I cannot explain it; I was in a mystical other realm with beauty all around me. I remember looking and just seeing those who knew me and seeing this pulsating living color.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Total love, total freeing of the body where I could be completely myself, total acceptance. Humor, like when I decided to make a bargain with God, and it did not go the way I wanted it and my acknowledging how stupid I had been by making such a stupid bargain. I felt acceptance of understanding how hard it was for me to leave and the total sadness of being back in my body again.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe From this experience, I can easily identify what stays behind in death. I was in what I called Heaven. Now, maybe it is not Heaven, but it definitely was an unearthly realm and that part of me, which lives on. I understand many more things in the Bible clearer than before. I understand the 'breath of life,' because I had to do that to make my body no longer void. I understand the 'stream of living waters,' because when I took that breath, I felt the stream of living waters fill my body with life. I understand more things deeper and am open to more things, because we use only a small percentage of our brain. I understand how Paul was one moment on the road and then in the presence of others, because I have traveled through time and through buildings. I am not a normal Christian who is confined by the Bible but am more open to other truths.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

The experience included: Awareness of the future

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I saw many things on the way back through the tunnel, but I only remember three things that would happen in my future. One was in 1995 when my daughter was in a car accident. I did not realize it at the time until it was over, but it was what I saw. It gave me the shudders, and I was happy that it was over. When I felt that shudder and the 'over with' after her accident, I knew it was the thing I experienced on my way back. The second thing was that my husband and I were in the hospital together. I had been sent there to tell the person that they were in the process of dying. I knew the person at the time in the tunnel, but when I got back, I did not know who it was. It happened around 2000 when my father-in-law died. In 2009, my husband and I were in a car accident that I experienced in the tunnel.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I like to say that I made a conscious choice to return, but, in reality, I knew that I did not have a choice. I would have been sent back, but I was really trying to bargain not to go back. I did not want to go back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I see that religions are very narrow minded with their legalities. One believes this way and must do this. Another believes that way and must do it that way. I have been to Baptist, Catholic, Free Methodist, United Methodist, Wesleyan, and Assembly of God churches, but they do not sway me on their ways. I believe in God and Jesus but not the churches’ rituals. I am deeper than I was when it occurred. Then I was very religious, but now I am very spiritual.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Gave me a deeper knowledge of those things I believed in. I understand so many more things in the Bible, like I am betwixt and between two worlds...I would rather be with my heavenly father but must remain here. I understand that turmoil when I first came home. When I was there I did not want to be here, but when I am here I want to be there, but the longer I am here, the longer I want to be here but I really want to be there. See what I mean? I can readily know what will be left behind when I die and what will go forth. I have felt my body void of life. I was in it when it was void of life.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am not as narrow minded by religion.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify I heard the voice behind me and knew it was God. I tried to turn to face God, but I could not, because I knew that no one could look upon the face of God. There was a being, a presence with me who gave me great comfort at all times. I felt no fear. He understood me.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain Just God.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I was made aware of this universal connection does exist. I believed it before hand and really new it after.

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes It was God whom spoke to me. I knew it was God because it says in the Bible that those whom believe will know his voice. I really wanted to see him but could not turn around to see him.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I have special knowledge of life around us and that death is not to be feared. I no longer have a fear of death and recognize it as entering through another door to another phase of my life.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Yes, I had a purpose on earth. I needed to raise my family and do the job that God wanted me to do.

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Yes, I experienced life after death. it was something I believed in and experienced it.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Yes, I saw three very unpleasant things that would happen. One of the difficulties would be so great that I could not face it but only shudder when I turned my back on it and went past it. I did not want to remember it nor did I want it to happened. I did

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is unconditional. The love I felt was totally amazing. We are often hindered in this life with fear of not being accepted, limited by our own thoughts and frailties. But there, you were free to be totally you and you were accepted and loved that way.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. Before the experience, I would say that I was very religious. Now I can say that I am very spiritual. Those two things are different. Before the experience, I was bound by the church and the Bible. Afterwards, I understood the Bible deeper and could see that I could be more open in my spiritual experience. I see things on a different level and do not believe that I need to be blinded by others’ interpretation of the Bible. I seek knowledge, understanding and insight.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain This I cannot say. I know that I am different and deeper spiritually.

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Oh, my goodness, yes! Our language is very inadequate with words to express what you felt and experienced. I did not equate the word 'tunnel' to the coming back experience until I heard it on TV a few years later. I could never describe it. The word 'tunnel' does not adequately describe it, but I could understand why some people referred to it that way. Actually, as I read more scientific magazines and see how the portals and worm holes are described, it seems that is more accurate.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It is like it happened yesterday. You have to remember, I had many surgeries and never remembered anything. People think that what I experienced was a dream or the shutting down of the brain waves. IT IS NOT. I know that I know and I experienced what I experienced. I know the difference. It was more real this this life.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I sense others around me.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? God's humor and love. I cannot explain it, but I was trying to bargain with him about returning and being defiant in the way I was going to come back. I was unafraid to be myself, because I felt and understood his love. I was inside the body when it was void of life and felt that life come back into it. One second I was floating above my body with the being next to me arguing with him and suddenly I was in my body the next second. Unbelievable!

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The next day the doctor who put me under came to see me, which was rather unusual. I told him that where he sent me I did not want to return from. He was visibly shaken and left. About two weeks later, I told my husband who told him he knew something was going to happen but did not know what it was going to be. I told my mother about two weeks later, too. My mother, who had seen me after all my surgeries, told me that when she saw me that she knew something had happened. I only told a few people, because this was before it really had opened up on TV. I cried when I started seeing it on TV, because I was able for the first time to relate to others who had the same type of experience. Some doctors would not put me under again, because of this experience. I had told them that if I were ever in this position again, I would not return. I had one D&C without being put to sleep. I had one colonoscopy that way, too. Six weeks later, I told it to the doctor, but he would not confess that something happened. It did not matter to me, because I know it did. Others have been comforted by this knowledge; some don't believe it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I overhead my aunt tell my mother that she had an NDE experience, but I do not remember anything about it. What I do remember her saying is that it is easier to go than come back. This is very true. I do not believe that it affected my experience in any way, but it did verify the one thing I remembered her saying.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real As I stated, I had some surgeries before this one. I knew something was going to happen for some reason. I went to the hospital very quickly to have the baby. She was taken to another hospital 100 miles away because of breathing difficulties despite being 9 lbs. Before I went into surgery, I saw that I did not have a band on my wrist and made them give me one. I called my mom to make sure she would be there afterwards, because I was worried. I have never been worried before, and I never had any memories afterwards. This was real, and I remember it like it happened yesterday.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It still impacts me to this day. It changed me as a person. I know what I know. No one needs to verify it for me. No one needs to research to see what is in the files. I know what happened then, and I know it happened now.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The three things I saw in my future that has happened.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No. I think I covered it very well through all of your questions. No language can give you the actual words you need to describe some of what I saw and felt, and that is why sometimes I pray in tongues. It is the language of the angels.