I had a doctor appointment to find out why, for the last three years, I couldn't walk very far without falling asleep. Any physical exertion was exhausting. After performing dye tests, the doctor was amazed that I was alive since eighty-five percent of one artery and ninety-five percent of the other main heart artery were both occluded. While lying on the table the doctor told me not to stand up because he couldn't be responsible for what happened when I got up. By all accounts, I should have been dead or would be dead very soon. An emergency triple bypass surgery was scheduled for the following morning.
The next morning, prior to surgery on April 3, 2000, my girlfriend brought my children over to see me. My daughter told me she wanted me to wave to her when they were in the parking lot, since she knew which window belonged to my room. The nurse gave me something that knocked me out almost immediately, so I never got to wave goodbye to my children. This guilt followed me during my NDE.
When I died on the operating table for the first time, I didn't realize I was dead. There was no out of body experience, no tunnels, no light at the end of the tunnel, no spirits, nothing. I was out of my body and just popped into the most beautiful place I have ever seen. Light is not visual there. The senses are all-encompassing impressions flooded into my being all at once. The experience is so intense, that it is hard to explain because it doesn't follow a logical sequence and it is totally wrapped up in emotion. Words are far too limited to explain, but I'm doing my best to try to say what happened.
The senses are extremely heightened and don't really work like they do here. Words are completely inadequate, because all the senses are wrapped up in each other. We have the largest vocabulary on earth based on describing events in terms of what we see. Although I felt the experience, I can best describe it in terms of vision.
The grass was so green it hurt to look at it, and it felt so good! I could even taste the grass by feeling it, it tasted like watermelon. Walking on the grass was wonderful - it was an incredible feeling. The best way I can describe it was, 'OH MY GOD! WOW!!!' The sense of smell was not with the nose. It was more like it permeated through my cheekbones under my eye, like smelling through the sinuses.
I didn't have 360 degree vision like a lot of people. I suppose this was because I was focused on the grass and other things that were closer and more immediate to my attention. The rest of what might be there was unimportant. The best way to describe where I fit into the scheme of things was like I was in the mudroom. This is the area of the house that is not the house, but it is not outdoors either. The mudroom is not hot like in the house, and it is not cold like outside. It is the middle, high-traffic area where guests get rid of shoes and get ready to transition into the house.
Then three yellow lights came forth. They came from the left side of an unbelievably intensely colored green pine tree (color of maple leaf in summer time with light coming through it). I got the feeling of yellow and the taste of lemonade. Not yellow like a banana, but it was more the emotion and feeling of yellow. Sort of like a flame dancing on top of a candle during an emotional dinner and also like the feeling of warm yellow sunshine. I didn't really see them, but I knew they were there. I can't really call them entities, angels, or devils. They were more like presences. These presences were more like potential battery power, they were energy, that was just there.
I didn't hear with my ears. Rather I heard in the middle of my head, close to the back of the frontal lobe. The presence on my right, communicated telepathically to me. Communication is not with words as we know it. This being communicated a feeling with the gist of the meaning, 'You can stay if you want, or you can go back. But if you go back, you have to do something.' I knew that I had to go back for a reason. The reason was more like I was not done yet, not because I have to do something. This is hard to explain, but it is like if you are the boss, something has to be done, but who's going to do it? I elected to come back and finish a few tasks.
Part of making up my mind to come back was my children. As happy as I was over there, I got uncontrollably sad. I remembered that I didn't say goodbye to my children. I needed to go back to say goodbye. Then I popped back into my body.
Ugh! I could see the rib splitters, and heard some guy yelling. I saw the suction device sucking the blood from the chest cavity. I felt my left arm and leg on fire where they took the veins used for the bypass surgery on the heart. I could feel the pressure of pushing on my heart. I couldn't breath. OW! It hurt! And 'pop' I was back on the other side.
Again, there were no tunnels and no spirits. It was just pop, and I was back there. However, this time it was different. Although I was ninety percent there, there was also the sense that I wasn't there. The experience was almost the same as the first time, but it was about ten percent less intense than the first time. The second time I didn't get, greeted at the door, not let into the mudroom.
I was overjoyed to recognize Memé, my grandmother. She looked like pictures I had seen in the photo album the day before she got married. She was young, healthy, and vibrant. She has always been very special to me as she was the only one who truly loved me for me. I didn't have to do anything; she just loved me because I was born. One of the first things to occur to me was to ask why I was here. Memé was highly religious, and I was not. I was wondering why we were both in the same place.
Then Memé communicated to me, 'Billy, you can't come in. You can't stay, you have to go back.' I objected because it hurt so bad to be in my body. She told me she'd go back with me, but I couldn't stay. I wanted to hug her, but couldn't. It was like she was in a soap bubble. I could feel the hug, but knew she didn't physically hug me. It was like the saying that a hug is ten percent% physical, and ninety percent everything else.
To my amazement, I popped back in my body and it didn't hurt. What I saw in the operating room was a light above the operating room lights. It was much brighter than the operating lights. I knew it was Memé. She made my arm fly up and hit the doctor. I heard, 'He's back.' So they renewed their efforts to resuscitate me and finish the operation. Memé blocked the pain, like she took it. I was aware that she was smiling at me.
During the recovery it was really hard. I was so depressed. All I could see was a person who had physically wasted away. I so desperately did not want to be here on the one hand, but on the other hand, I really wanted to be with my children. I knew that I would stay for them.
After my healing, I knew that my mission was to work with children. I knew I needed to open another dungeon and dragons den. In June, 2002, I felt touched. I had had enough of the family gathering and went to get pizza from a place I had never been to. What I saw was the empty store across from the pizza place. I said no way. My rational mind was saying that the town was too small and could not support a den. But, here it was. There were at least forty children on the right, and thirty children on the left of the empty store. I knew this was where I would build the den that was part of my reason for coming back to earth. The next day, I rented the space and on June 22, 2002 (on the summer solstice), Cody's Castle was opened.
About a week after I talked about my experience for the first time and started to integrate my NDE with my current reality, I had the most amazing experience.
I was on the computer in a chat room on Friday, at 2:30 in the morning. I normally ignore pop-up windows because they always want you to go to a porn site. However, this time, I clicked on it instead of ignoring it. I immediately felt a tingle of electricity go through the keyboard and into my arm, sending shivers through my body. The woman on the other side was also a NDEr.
Normally, I don't ask women for any personal information until I get to know them. However, this time I was being compelled by forces outside of myself. I asked her to give me her phone number so I could talk to her on the phone. She did. Then when I called her, I was compelled to ask her for her address since I knew she lived within a couple hour's drive from me. She gave me her address. This is so out of character for me, but I couldn't help the compulsion. I hopped in the car and promptly drove half way across the state so I could be there. I knew that I had to go see her, and it had to be now.
I didn't really know where I was going, never been there before, but drove there without any problems. She greeted me at the door. She thought I was there for sex, but I had to explain that was not on my mind. I was there to give her a message. Within twenty-four hours she would have a very bad thing happen to her, and she needed what I had to give her to make it through the ordeal. Consciously, I was doing things I have never done before. Yet I couldn't help myself.
I took my hands and put one in front of and the other in back of her chest near her heart. I told her, 'Here is your power.' I seemed to also take something from her. All of a sudden, there was an amazing and intense transfer of energy from me to her. It came from the solar plexus in a rectangular shape. The energy was like wind from a fan that came from me and into her. It made my hair stand up on end and goose bumps all over my arms. I told her it was a gift of energy, and that I was just the messenger.
As it was morning, and she is diabetic, she went to get her medicine. Just then, the phone rang. We both knew, 'that's it.' The news was about to break. She picked up the phone and started to cry. Her mother was in intensive care. She asked me to take her to the hospital since her mother was in a coma. I told her that I could not take her, since this was part of her task that she had to do on her own. I knew then that her mother had sent me to give her the gift of energy and to be with her daughter when she got the news.
After she hung up the phone, she went to take her insulin. I got a surge of energy that shot from me to her that froze her like when a deer sees the headlights of an oncoming car. She was frozen for about ten heartbeats. Then she slowly turned to face me. She had filled the insulin syringe and had intended to kill herself with an insulin overdose. I told her that she now carried the gift. She could not do that now.
At that moment, it was like an energy shield surrounded her. It swirled around her like an upside-down tornado. It was like she had a sense of renewed strength and purpose. She grabbed her clothes and got ready like she was going into battle. It was amazing to watch the transformation.
On the way home, I was exhausted from lack of sleep for several days. I recalled the time of the transfer of power. It was like I was revitalized. I drove home feeling like I had slept for hours.
Date NDE Occurred: 4/00
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death I died /experienced death 2 times on tableHeart surgery.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Disturbing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Popping into and out of my body/reality, this happened two times.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Incredibly aware.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I completely lost sense of time.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I had a conversation with three entities, each asking similar questions, but with emotes - not really words - like a different form of communication.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Three lights/colors/people - they seemingly spoke to me, but not in words. Please call if you want details, this is really stressful to type.
Did you see an unearthly light? No
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Yes I was at a place of indescribable beauty - both times - but the second place was kind of two-dimensional - like a picture of where I had visited the first time.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Wonder; sadness at leaving; determined to go back; frustrated that I have to stay and do something.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe We are all interconnected and these interconnected patterns are part of a greater function. Man is the only creature that utilizes the cause and effect model in making decisions. By using ego to interfere with the universal cause and effect patterns, it creates a complete imbalance between man and the universe. There is a complete disconnection from who we are and how we fit into the grand scheme of things. Rather than living in the world, we dominate it. By doing so, we are not a part of the world. I can feel the world screaming.
I came back with a sort of mission. I am trying to create the quest now.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Religions are a bunch of self-serving crap!
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Yes. I knew I was to open up a dungeons and dragons den to help children. I could only come back if I made a difference in someone else's life. I would touch a lot of lives, but one person in particular. There would be a female who came to the den, her hair wet, she will be tense trying not to scream. I would be able to help her. Then there will be a passage of two - two hours, two days, two years, I don't know - just two. Then I can go from this world. I get released from this reality. This reality is so awful right now. I feel like a kite without a tail, as it spins it does not have stability. It crashes. I had to do this as an agreement to come back. This is my destiny and the appearance of the woman is a milestone in my life. I had to satisfy these requirements to be allowed to come back and say goodbye to children.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will The first time I was given a choice to stay or return. I chose to return because I promised my son aged seven I would say goodbye.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Catholic None
What is your religion now? None Anti Religion - religion is a hoax
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Death is not something to fear. In July 2002, my oldest son age twenty-one died in car accident. I was there at his bedside. I could tell that even though he was in a coma, he was upset. I find it odd that I didn't feel the emotion that society says I should feel. Instead, I was telling him that I wished I could be going with him because it is a beautiful and wonderful place he was about to go to. My son's feeling of being so upset at not being able to finish all the things in life that he wanted to, turned to curiosity. He knew it was o.k. and let go. I went to tell the nurse he was not there. The nurse insisted that because he was breathing, he was alive.
Yes, I became convinced that 'Organized Religions are a Huge Fraud' perpetrating a hoax on humanity. I have so much anger towards organized religions. I was raised a devout Catholic, but after my NDE, I am very disillusioned. I lost one of my best friends, a pastor who was like my little brother because I couldn't stand the bullshit he was telling people.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes This experience is so different from what I am used to talking about. Here, it is like I am using a different part of my brain that touches on emotion. I am used to expressing thoughts with the part of the brain that I call, upper thought processes - like math, movement, hand-eye coordination. But this is different. It is like trying to explain red to a blind person. The senses you can talk about it. We can demonstrate ways or things that we associate with red, but a blind person doesn't have the reference for red since they can't see it. I get frustrated trying to explain the experience. I really want to talk about it but mere words are not enough to describe the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can see and feel things now that I am more aware of everything. For instance, the person coughing in the background, I can see the infection in the left lung. Tell them they need to put a white, hot terrycloth towel compress on their chest. Do you have a large green object to your right shoulder? Something like a plant? (MY ANSWER: Yes, I have a large plant on the bookcase next to my computer desk on my right side.)
Concepts of healing are that we heal from the inside out. We don't heal, we repair. We become caretakers of the ill. Doctors sew up the hole; never put anything into the hole. I heal through transference. Cody got ill, he held him, lips against his spine, felt sad, and drew illness from Cody into himself. He got the illness. Cody forgot he had been ill.
My enhanced psychic ability started about eight months after my operation. I was in the living room. I suddenly grabbed my left leg and started rubbing my knee. My son came in because he hurt himself falling off a scooter. My son had scraped his leg, and was holding the leg (same side) and knee the same way that I was holding mine. This bond between me and my son has positively affected his mental well-being. When he is in the room, I can feel him. When one of us talks, the other finishes the sentence.
I can see the person walking down the street outside of the Den, they have an ear infection. It is an impression that I have, not that I feel their pain or anything like that.
Another time a girl came into the Den. I could tell that she was being molested by an older male figure. I asked her if she wanted to talk about it. She looked up at me and then calmed down and left, like a burden had been released. No words were spoken and she did not return.
I see ghosts. One time I was eating pizza and looking at this house that looked like the one on the old 'Adam's Family' sitcom. I met the owner and he invited me over for a tour. I saw a woman who used to live there. She was a trapped spirit. She came back because she wanted her doilies and a picture of her husband. I told the owner this. The woman told me that she used to make doilies and sell them ten for a penny. She told me that down in the cellar I would find the picture she was looking for. Sure enough, down in cellar a four feet by eight feet lithograph was found of a soldier with a gun in his hand. She also told me that her room was warm and was right next to a chimney. The owner denied this since there wasn't any chimneys in the house. However, upon restoration, he called me up and told me that he found the chimney and her room. Apparently, family legends were wrong and she really was sleeping up in the servant's quarters. The chimney had three bricks taken out of it to allow the heat into her room.
I experience the ghosts. I don't really see them. I was driving by the cemetery and got this weird feeling of anger and could feel ghosts shaking fists at people going by the cemetery. Later, I found out that the city needed extra room for the roads, so they moved the cemetery fence by eight feet, but not the bodies. The spirits were angry about that.
I went by a house and took a second look at a window. I could feel that a child had been hit and had a bloody lip. A month later, I noticed that the room did belong to a child since there was a barely visible tot finder decal fading from being over ten years old.
It is really odd to walk in a room and feel if people don't like me. Before the NDE, I assumed that I could walk into a family gathering and that my relatives liked me. I felt some of my relatives were projecting anger and disgust my way. I also was able to see that another relative wanted to tell me that everything was fine between us, but she was too shy to say anything to me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The knowledge that my kids will be 'Alright' and the worst is the knowledge I will be going back and leaving my boy. Worried about him for some reason. My daughter seems to be fading from my awareness - in this way - Drat words are not enough!
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Laughter to awe and the gamut in between.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I can re-experience the NDE by remembering it. There was some time distortion because I have no idea how much time went by. I can go back to the emotions and the memory is crystal clear. Not quite like the memories of things that happened on earth, such as the birth of my children. My emotional memories, I can remember one hundred percent. The NDE memory is similar, but more intense. It is different, because the memory comes from a different place in my brain. When I talk about memories of emotional moments, joy, pain is distant. If I close my eyes and go back there to NDE, immediate and vivid memories, like a glass of water about to fall off table. I have absolute conviction that the experience was real, and not a hallucination. I know the difference between drugs and hallucinations. The NDE was not like either of those.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? YES!! For months I have had the gift. The ability to speak/hear to dead or wandering spirits. Incredibly annoying and I can't share the knowledge.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? LOL - make it a tape recorder and I would be much better able to communicate the experience.