I had planned an attempted suicide that was quite serious in intent. I have many overdoses due to severe mental illness. I took a huge number of sedatives mixed with alcohol. I almost died. At one point I was crawling on the floor unable to move except by my fingertips. I lapsed in and out of consciousness. I experienced my whole life again, with affect attached in lightning speed. I experienced a sense of tremendous engulfing darkness and space: a void.
The next day or so, when I had recovered, I feel an lifting up and relief. I began a spiritual (Buddhist) quest for enlightenment and began to have these moments for months. Clarity of a vision of the whole world, amazing peace (unusual for me), and a wholeness. I was no longer suicidal or depressed even (again unusual for me).
I am a writer so I started writing with a passion I've never felt before. Unfortunately these special states only last a few months. But I began to research them and found a surprising coincidence of similarity. That is why I am sharing mine here.
Date NDE Occurred: Harvest Moon, Sept. 2002
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Life threatening event, but not clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Frightening
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At no time. I was overdosing. But afterwards I was extraordinarily clear for months.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning A vast darkness and void opened up.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain A void
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Terror.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am Buddhist and had enlightenment experiences directly after. It suddenly all made sense in a profound way.
What is your religion now? Liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am Buddhist and had enlightenment experiences directly after. It suddenly all made sense in a profound way.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain Afterward, yes.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain I was unable to move because of an OD. I saw my past in its completeness. Mainly though, it was the aftermath: a profound spiritual revival as a Buddhist. Clarity of vision in the spiritual and aesthetic sense. I am a writer and could not stop the flow of it pouring out until I stopped because the whole world seemed as if it were a poem.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The sense of the world as a poem.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes My psychiatrist who was skeptical.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I knew that I had tested the limit of life and survived.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It produced tangible changes.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I believe that this is a universal and ancient experience; from shaman to Christian mystics.