I did not float above my body or anything like that. I was instantly ‘on the other side’ and I instantly knew it, all three times. Each time I died, it was the same. It was like a repeat.
The ‘knowledge’ did not repeat as much as it continued. I had no fear. The first thing I saw was a face. It was not a ‘Jesus’ face or a ‘God’ face or a ‘religious’ face, it was like a ‘universal’ face. It looked like all the faces that ever were or are, male and female, it had the eyes like all the eyes that ever were or are, male and female. If a police artist asked me to describe it, I couldn't. It was very close, like two feet away. I was so transfixed on the eyes I do not remember if it had hair or even a body. It didn’t matter.
It looked at me and very calmly asked me ‘What have you done?’ I replied, ’I don't understand’? and, again, very calmly it said ‘Yes you do’. At that instant, like being hit in the face with a ball bat, I began to see things from my past. I didn't have the ‘my life flashed before my eyes’ syndrome, it was specific things in my past, some seemed trivial and some were serious. Several years ago, a hungry cat came to my front porch meowing for food and I made it leave. Things like that. Very real and very accurate. (Guilty conscience? I don't know.)Some were serious in the situation that I will not say but there were some bad things I did in my younger life. And I knew that when we go the ‘other side’ we are not ‘judged’ but we ‘judge’ ourselves. That we are judged not so much on what we have done in our lives but what we have not done. That was very staggering in its concept. Because you cannot fool yourself.
It was as if my head was opened and all the knowledge of the universe was being put in my mind with the volume and pressure of a fire hose. I understood everything. Everything. It was not ‘God like’ it was more of a ‘cosmic consciousness’ event. I could see the ‘Great Spirit’ (if you will) in everything. Everything is alive or is made up of this all inclusive consciousness. The dirt, rocks, the breath of a mountain goat, in the e-coli virus, the wind vapor on Mars, the varnish on my desk, the solar wind from the stars. Everything. Everything.
I am not trying to say that now I ‘know’ everything and you don't and now I'm better than you. That was another eye opener, now that I think of it. We are no better than the lowest microbe, we just think we are. It is our ego that hurts us. But I understand everything. It was like being tossed into an ocean of compassion.
I know this to be true even if no one believes me or not. I don't care. Nor am I going to shout it from the rooftops or go the ‘Oprah’ show. In fact, I feel sorry that all mankind could not be shown this. But I also ‘know’ why all mankind is not shown this during life. I don't know how to explain this, all this happened just a couple of months ago and I'm still wading through all that I was shown and felt. It is quite staggering, beautiful, and wondrous and sometimes I find myself weeping for joy over it. Like now. That's why I am having trouble typing this story.
I have only told two people about this, the fellow teammate at work that resuscitated and first brought me back to life in the training class, and my wife. Three counting you.
I know this: I'm not afraid to die. And we should not mourn the dead. Miss them, remember them, but do not mourn them. My wife can't understand this part. But that's OK. I don't expect anyone to understand what I'm trying to say.
Date NDE Occurred: 'July 16th, 2004 and July 17th, 2004'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Clinical death As stated above I had a cardiac event called ‘Ventricular Fibrillation Sudden Death’ and was clinically dead three different times on two separate days. The first time I was registered as ‘dead’ upon arrival at the hospital. I was shown the paperwork.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It was like 1 minute ‘here’ but could be hours, weeks, months, ‘over there’. Time did not matter.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I'm not sure if I heard something like a very deep cello sound or not. Like far off in the distance. I'm not sure. I was busy with other thoughts.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain Now that you mention it, I was so involved with what was being shown and felt that I don't recall if there was light or darkness. Funny that I don't, but it didn't matter I guess.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Happiness, wonder, humbleness, mind bogglingly great.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? All the emotions that could be. My feelings? It was marvelous.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I ‘understand’ now.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I ‘understand’ now. I believe life is too precious to take, unless absolutely necessary.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was so wonderful, enlightening, mind boggling that no one would believe it. And it was not caused by a ‘lack of oxygen’ to my brain. It was as real as being kicked in the head by a mule.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Yes. I am now fully at peace. With not only myself but with the world.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? There was no worst.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Three counting you. I don't know if they were/are influenced, that was not my point in mentioning what happened to me. The wonder was so overwhelming.
I had to say something to someone or I felt I would burst. At the same time, I felt if I never mentioned it to anyone, it would be just fine. It's hard to explain.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I will never forget it and if I do, then shame on me.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Ask: ‘Would you want to experience it again?’ Also ask: ‘do you feel sorry that you returned?’