I was living in a group home for foster kids. I had already been in 74 placements in 15 months. After overdosing on a time-release anti-depressant after everyone else went to bed, I started to throw up. About the same time, I kept finding myself in a tunnel until I opened my eyes. As soon as I closed my eyes again, I would be back in the tunnel. A housemate found me and alerted staff that I had overdosed. I remember getting in the car to go to the hospital. I next remember being in the emergency room and the staff telling me that they are going to give me charcoal. The next thing I remember is going through the tunnel and sitting on G-d's lap. He was sitting on an overstuffed chair. He had his arm around me even though I was tiny and He was huge. There was a blinding, bright, white light behind Him. He was wearing a white robe. He had white hair. He was talking to me without moving His lips. He was telling me that I had to come back, that it wasn't my time. He said that I had stuff to do, and things to experience. I didn't want to leave, but didn't protest. I was feeling the most intense love I have never felt before or since. The next thing I remember is coming back through the tunnel and waking up in the ICU unit. There was a doctor leaning over me telling me that they had lost me, that he didn't know how I was alive because I had taken enough to kill a horse. I went through a period of feeling as if I were on borrowed time. I also had a knowing that if I attempted suicide again, I would be completely paralyzed and stuck in my body here. I longed to feel that love again. Humans are not capable of that kind of love. Ever since that experience, my sense of smell and hearing are extremely sensitive. I can also tell when it is going to rain or snow (within a five day period), even if it is not in the forecast. I have precognitive dreams and know that someone is going to die (though I had that since I was a child). I can usually tell when someone is not being truthful. I also know when someone is angry, sad and/or hurting emotionally. (It's really hard to be around crowds.)
Date NDE Occurred: 1983
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was aware of and distracted by what was not being said, the emotion behind the words (INTENSE love).
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When G-d was telling me that I had to come back. I knew that he had been talking to me for a while before that, but I don't know how I know that.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
It felt as if I was on G-d's lap for only a few minutes, but when I woke up as He was telling me that I had to come back, twenty-four hours had passed.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It's as if I was going through life with a sheer curtain over my eyes that was lifted off and has stayed off since then.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. As if I was wearing earmuffs that were taken off during the experience and have stayed off. Someone whistling can make me wince in pain.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was a brown tunnel and really long.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Bright white light, as if a thousand overhead lights were on in a tiny room.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place I knew that I was in heaven, though I can't tell you how I knew that.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Loved-completely and absolutely loved.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I got the message that humans need to learn is that we are all connected and human life is about experiencing love.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I saw glimpses of children and adults. I got the impression that they are people that I'm going to work with. I was not a social worker at that time and had no desire to become a social worker.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic I grew up evangelical Christian, but did not know if I believed in a god.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I went from doubting that there is a G-d to not only believing, but converting to Judaism.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me
What is your religion now? Jewish
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I wasn't even sure there was a G-d, let alone what I was supposed to believe about Him.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Please see above about my experience with G-d.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Again it was a total and complete knowing that we are connected, that we are all our brother's keeper.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Please see above.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was told by G-d that I have stuff to do, things to experience here on earth.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes A knowing that human life is about experiencing love. I can't describe the knowing.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes It was a total knowing that heaven exists and the people that I loved that had died were there waiting for me.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Please see above when I was on G-d's lap.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I don't like being around people. It's hard to be around people.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I can't explain the intensity of the love that I was feeling.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Please see narrative above
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The depth of love that I felt is something that I will never forget.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It took me many years to share my experience. I can tell that people don't know how to take the news, whether I'm crazy or what I described to them was possible.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
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