Anthony M NDEs

Experience Description

I've had two NDEs.

In 1939, when I was 4 years old, I had an operation to remove my tonsils. During this operation I became aware that I was floating above a table where two doctors, one on either side of the table, were bending over and working on who I believe to be me. Both doctors were wearing voluminous light grey surgical gowns, face masks and hair caps. The table was an off-white colour about 6 feet long, 2 feet wide and with a 3 or 4 inch flange with rounded edges. I was observing them from a height of about 20 feet and at a 45 deg. angle from the nearer edge of the table. The doctors were at the opposite end of the table from where I was watching and because I was small their gowns obscured my body from my sight. From my vantage point above these doctors my whole attention was on them and therefore I did not look around to see what else was in the room but I had the impression that any furniture or other people were some distance away. It was as though some sort of mist or fog had obliterated the surroundings. I did note however that the table had no cloth or other covering on the part that I could see. I watched these doctors for what appeared to be about one minute then the whole scene faded from view. To this day, 76 years later, I can still clearly recall this experience as though it happened yesterday.

In December 1999, I was diagnosed with colon cancer, which required surgery to remove two cancerous polyps. I was expected to be leave the hospital after 10. In reality, my recovery lasted 4 weeks. My wife, Betty, was advised one night that I would not survive until the next morning and that if she wanted to be with me when I died, she should come to the hospital as soon as possible. She came in with our neighbour, Kevin, but I was in a coma and did not know that they were there.

During that night, I was floating in an area of total blackness and I noticed that I had no body. I felt completely relaxed with no emotion of fear or joy. I was just floating in blackness. After a short while, I became aware of a very bright light in the distance and that I was floating towards it. This light was round. I thought that I was in a tunnel except that I could not discern any roof, walls or floor. Everything was completely black except for the light in the distance.

Then I heard a male voice speaking. This voice was absolutely clear and seemed to reverberate as though I were in a sound box. Even though the voice was not speaking to me, I understood what was being said and that the information involved me. This voice was not to my left or right, it was within me. The communication was telepathic.

The voice said, 'We do not want him here yet. Send him back.”

I immediately did a U-turn by flipping over onto what would have been my back. I went back into the blackness with the light behind me. I couldn't see it any more.

I woke up in my bed in the hospital and saw Betty and Kevin in my room. They both appeared quite puzzled because they were expecting me to die, not to wake up and look around. I asked Betty what was the time. She told me that it was 2 o'clock in the morning. I told her to go home and get some sleep. At that time, I was unaware that I was expected to die and was puzzled why they were there at that time of night. From that moment on, I was feeling good and whatever was causing my death completely vanished. I was discharged from hospital 2 days later.

To this day, 15 years later, I clearly remember the whole sequence. It was not a dream. Dreams tend to be a bit fuzzy and I cannot remember dreams after more than a few seconds.

At first I did not take a lot of notice of this experience. I heard Dr. Eben Alexander, an American neurosurgeon, being interviewed on television after writing a book called “Proof of Heaven” and describing his NDE after recovering from inoperable brain cancer. I realised that I had had a similar experience, although nowhere near as profound as his. I then bought his book and realised that the light at the end of the tunnel that I experienced was actually the gateway into heaven and quite a common occurrence with those who have a near death experience. He got through the gateway and was met by a beautiful girl who showed him around heaven. All of their communication whilst he was being escorted around Heaven was via mental telepathy. Dr. Alexander was the child of two teenagers still at school and he was put up for adoption and therefore did not know his biological parents. His biological parents eventually married and had three daughters, one of whom died when she was a young woman. Dr. Alexander eventually managed to find his biological parents who sent him a photograph of the daughter who died. He then recognised this girl as the one who met him in Heaven.

This led me to think that my experience might be more common than I thought so I looked up 'near death experience' on the internet and was amazed to find that thousands of people have documented similar experiences to mine. I started telling people about my experience because I was now more confident that I would not be construed as a nutter. But the usual response I got was, 'That's nice...what are you having for dinner?' So, I then only told people I thought might understand and who may perhaps benefit from my experience.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: December 1999

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Surgery-related Other: I had bowel cancer and a large portion of colon had been removed. I was having a prolonged period of recovery to the extent that one night my wife was advised that I would not survive by the next morning so she came to the hospital to be with me when I d I had just had a bowel resection where a large section of cancerous bowel was removed. I was having a prolonged period of recovery. I was in hospital for one month instead of the expected ten days. My wife was advised one night that I would not see another day, so she came to the hospital to be with me when I died.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was at the same level of alertness during the whole experience, which was very short.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was in total blackness and the only thing I could see was the light in the distance. I would describe my vision as being normal.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The sound of the voice was utterly clear and far better than my normal hearing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was in a place of total blackness with a round light in the distance, which I was traveling toward. It gave the impression that I was in a tunnel.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light at the end of the tunnel was very bright. Much brighter than daylight.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? None.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I still was very interested in the experience of others and purchased a few books as well as exploring the internet and what I found was the almost universal concept of the importance of love amongst those who had had near death experiences. God put us on this earth to love Him but He had to give us free will so that we could choose to love Him. If we were made to love Him, loving Him would be meaningless. If we love Him because we want to due to our gift of free will, this love is meaningful. As an example is the relationship of husbands and wives. The best feeling on this earth is to love someone because you want to and to have that love returned because that person wants to love you. This is only possible because we have been made so that our souls have free will. It is exactly the same with God. He loves us but He wants to be loved in return. Now how do you love God? It is so simple. By loving one another. This does not mean hugging strangers on street corners; it means that you don't do or say anything to hurt anyone. We must have no feeling of anger, hatred, revenge or jealousy towards anyone and if you come across anyone in distress, and you can help them, then you help.

Some positive and very simple suggestions would be to hold a door open for someone, pass the salt at the dinner table, give someone a smile and any small action which does something for someone else while expecting nothing in return. If you we love one another in this manner it means we automatically love God.

Once learning how to love God, I believe the time comes for a person to commence their journey to heaven. They go the way I did in what appeared to be a tunnel, over pastures or a bridge. The way to get there appears to be somehow related to your religious belief. As a person enters the gateway to heaven, which is the light at the end of the tunnel, there is a life review. They are shown their life as lived, with all actions and results of those actions including how those actions have affected others. Then a person becomes aware of their shortcomings and decides whether they have been good enough to seek the forgiveness of God to be able to enter Heaven. Once in Heaven, one can do no wrong. In the process of deciding whether a person has earned Heaven or not, they can still do no wrong, so the self-assessment is perfect and not colored by other self-interests. If a person decides that you have been good enough to enter Heaven you would normally be welcomed by a spirit manifestation of someone that you already knew on earth, usually a relative or friend who pre-deceased you, or someone connected to you who you did not know, or it may even be Jesus himself. This person will show you around so that you feel accepted in your heavenly life. If a person decides that they are not good enough to enter Heaven, then they go to a place called Purgatory with other souls of similar minds. There, they may seek the means to learn how to love God and seek His forgiveness. It is inconceivable that God would not consider forgiving those souls that did not make it to Heaven if they showed remorse for what they had done and were prepared to undergo a process of redemption and learn better how to love one another. As an example, if a person took an apple from a greengrocer. That person may decide that this would not stop them from entering Heaven. But if they stole two apples, they may decide that they could not enter Heaven and therefore remain separated from God. Another example: If another soul decided that they could not enter Heaven from causing a neighbour to lose his life, they would also have the same punishment of being separated from God as the person who stole two apples. Thus the punishment is the same in both instances. This is profoundly unfair and because God is fair and wants you to love Him, He allows you to try to make restitution rather than to be permanently separated. So this soul which has not passed the assessment test goes to Purgatory.

The quickest way to make restitution is to prove to God that we can love Him better better loving our neighbour. But to do this you must have a neighbour to love. One logical and plausible way to do this is by a form of reincarnation, whereby this soul returns to earth in in a body, as a guest soul, to complement and guide your own soul which has been infused into your embryo at conception. Your own infused soul is one that has had no experience in guiding you to love your neighbour so the guest soul from Purgatory can be a big asset because it has been through a previous life, or lives, and can advise your current soul on actions to be taken. Then when your physical body dies, both souls go through the tunnel to their assessment at the gateway to Heaven. If they have not lived a perfect life, then the infused soul may well go to Purgatory and eventually become a guest soul for someone else. The souls residing in a person's body try to guide your actions so that the person demonstrate love for their neighbour, but because the physical mind also has been given the gift of free will, a person may not accept this guidance. There are many reasons such as greed, tyranny, and other negative failings of humanity. But when a person accepts the guidance offered by the souls within themselves, at the death of the physical body, the subconscious mind will merge with the infused soul. Then they go through the tunnel to have a self-assessment at the gateway to Heaven. When assessing that you have earned a place in Heaven, the soul becomes a spirit, whereby all imperfections have been eliminated from the soul which is then discarded like death discards the earthly body. The spirit then remains in Heaven since there would be no reason for it to return to earth unless it wanted to help others to progress into their own spiritual entities.

If a person declines a request for forgiveness, then they go to the more permanent realm of separation from God which is called Hell. Hell is not a place of fire and brimstone but it is a dark realm of unhappiness and misery. But even here there are angels available. If a person seeks them, the angels can assist you if you decide that you want to become closer to God and share in His love. To earn the love of God, the soul may be advised by these angels to enter Purgatory and become a guest soul. Again, this guest soul process may happen over and over again until a person learns how to love God sufficiently well to earn a place in Heaven. The choice belongs to each individual.

In my experience, I was floating in the blackness towards the round light and was fully aware of my situation and that I had no body. I can remember this now in my physical mind that my soul had left my physical body and was on its way to the gateway to Heaven and my self assessment. I can also remember that I had a communication by telepathy, this is the way that souls and spirits speak to each other. Because my earthly mind can remember these occurrences, it becomes clear that my subconscious mind and the infused soul residing in my physical body are the same entity.

Whilst on the subject of telepathy have you ever wondered how Jesus could speak to thousands of people out in the open without the help of public address systems and the people listening could understand what was being said, and not only understand but hear what was being said in their own language. A perfectly logical explanation for this is that they understood what was being said via telepathy. Souls communicate via telepathy, so the soul of Jesus was making His message known to the souls of those listening and these souls advised the physical minds of the people what Jesus was saying and converted it to their native language. Since my soul re-entered my physical body, spiritual matters concerning the soul, except for the time I was floating in the tunnel which I remember clearly, have not been available to me and I must wait until my soul leaves my body to experience spiritual matters again. I also wish to note that a soul needs a physical body to perform tasks. The soul is a spirit which has no mass and therefore cannot perform manual tasks in this world, so the body which is host to the soul is the medium by which the soul leads the physical mind to perform the tasks the soul desires. Souls/spirits have the ability to move through walls and instantaneously move to another location and communicate telepathically. Jesus appeared to the disciples in a locked room after His resurrection. None of these things can be done by a physical body on its own but a physical body is a far better medium than any other for a soul to prove its love for God by loving other physical bodies.

Post script.

It is interesting to note that if Jesus, the Son of God, were a reincarnation, or guest soul of Adam - who committed the original sin and caused so much suffering for all of humanity - and gave up His life as a redemption for the sin of Adam, the logic for His death and resurrection becomes very clear. Have you ever wondered why other people do or say things which hurt you? This is because you, or your guest soul, have done this very same thing to someone else, and if you accept this hurtful action in the spirit of forgiveness in this life your soul, or guest soul, will be cleansed of this bad action and will be better placed at the time of your self assessment when you try to enter Heaven. This is also the reason why it is important to “turn the other cheek”, as any retaliation on your part, because of a perceived injustice, would negate any good will received because of the penance you have accepted by not reacting adversely.

As an example of this premise when Jesus was being examined by Pilate, Peter was in the outside courtyard and three times denied that he knew Jesus. After the resurrection Jesus asked Peter three times whether he loved Him. This repeating of the question perplexed Peter but he answered politely and was therefore forgiven by Jesus for his denials of being a follower of Him.

It is also interesting to note that Golgotha, where Jesus was crucified, was also known as 'the skull'. This skull is traditionally the skull of Adam. Two other points worth noting are are the expressions “my life flashed before my eyes” and “light at the end of the tunnel”. Both of these expressions would have originated from near death experiences. “My life flashed before my eyes” has often been stated by people who have had an experience where there was great danger that they may lose their lives. ”Light at the end of the tunnel” is very common to describe a period of uncertainty which will be cleared up when we reach the light which is at the end of the tunnel.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The voice told me that they did not want me there yet. The ‘yet’ indicates to me that I will be going to heaven and that I must not do anything to make them change their mind.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify A voice said to me with utmost clarity, ‘we do not want him here yet. Send him back.’

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The voice said "We do not want him here yet" so I have taken the "here" is an afterlife in heaven.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I am much more aware of my responsibility to love my neighbor.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I am particularly careful about anything I say or do which may have a detrimental effect on others.

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience as clearly today as I did 14 years ago so it was not a dream.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have shared this experience with others some years after. The usual response is, ‘that's nice. What are you having for dinner?’ So I now only share if I think that person may benefit from my experience.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was not expected to live at the time of my experience. The cause of my imminent death just vanished, so I know that my life was prolonged so that I could perform the tasks I was sent back to do.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I am not aware of whether I have performed the tasks I was sent back for and am now examining everything I do to check whether any action I take could be this task or tasks.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No