I was fifteen years old and took several medications at the same time with the intention of committing suicide. According to what the doctor and my mother reported, I was ‘clinically dead’ for five minutes. HERE is what I saw: I floated in a dark tunnel that seemed alive with circles and a pale-bluish fog. I had never felt so good and so happy, filled with love and peace. Above all, I had the sense that I possessed knowledge about everything. In the distance there was a white light; it was very bright, but it didn't hurt my eyes. Then I noticed that to the left of the light, and illuminated by it, there were several people waving to me in a happy, welcoming way! Suddenly, I felt myself being sucked back.
I opened my eyes and there was my mother, sitting at the side of my hospital bed. I adore my mother but I was nevertheless angry to be back. When my best friend came to visit me, I told her what I had seen: but of course, I let her believe it was a dream so that she wouldn't think I was nuts.
Fast forward to 1976: A friend of mine (who was stationed in Germany), came to see me. By that time, I was married and had had my first baby. She greeted me and suddenly she held out a little red book, saying, ‘My God, Annie you have to read this! I was thinking of you the whole time I was reading it!’ It was Raymond Moody's book ‘Life After Life.’ She made me read some passages from it and I had tears in the eyes. About my experience, I'm sure that I have forgotten some of the details; for example, I have only fleeting memories of having had very clear vision, exceptional hearing, my sense of smell being much more acute and also that there was especially pleasing music.
At first, I was sure about what I remembered, but down here, as time goes by, one forgets and gets confused. I don't feel that I know for sure anymore what it was like. But I am sure about one thing: when I woke up I knew what a stupid thing I had done, and I never tried it again. NEVER COMMIT SUICIDE. YOU MUST WAIT UNTIL IT'S THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU TO DIE. WE ARE ONLY HERE FOR A SHORT WHILE. I'm no longer afraid of dying, although I am a little afraid of suffering. But my concern, above all, is that when I die, my loved ones down here will not be able to see me (just my body) and may think I have left them forever. If only those that I love, would believe me when I tell them that we will see each other again over there. Then I wouldn't have any fear connected with death. But, I can't tell people they have to believe what I tell them about my NDE; because in religions there is dogma you have to believe. There's no point in an individual trying to insist that other people believe things that they haven't seen for themselves. This is normal: they are the same as I am. Like everyone else, I only believe what I see.
Date NDE Occurred: 1971
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I attempted suicide.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Vision, hearing and smell are much more acute than they are here.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? In the tunnel.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Everything was happening very fast.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was stronger.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard well.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes The tunnel was big, dark-grey in color, with a bluish fog and circles; it seemed to be alive and to be breathing.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain It seems to me that those beings could have been my grandparents whom I had never known.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A non-blinding, but very bright, white light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt joy, well-being and love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I did feel that I possessed knowledge of everything, but now I can no longer say that I know for sure whether I did or not.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain I had no religious beliefs with which to begin.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Not important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Atheist a l école primaire mes parents mon mis en religion je ne mi intéressé pas jamais a l église n y a la messe
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin There were beings close to the light; they were bright. They waved to me and I felt that they were happy to be welcoming me. I seemed to know them, but they were too far away, so that I couldn't distinguish them. Then I was sucked back.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? I am uncertain if God exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life Moderate changes in my life. I don't judge people. I try to understand them. I don't worry about the superfluous, about futilities, things I can't change. I look at people and see their human misery, I feel their suffering.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I became calmer; I started listening to people more.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes All was going much faster: time no longer exists in an NDE.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience depuis cette expérience mon comportement a changé ma façon de voire les choses je ne me tracasse plus pour des superflus
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Experiences of déjà vu.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? After this experience, my behavior and my way of looking at things changed. I don't worry any more about the superfluous aspects of life.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes When my best friend visited me at the hospital, she listened as if I were telling her a dream. When I told my husband, he laughed.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was not like a dream. A dream will soon be forgotten, but not this experience.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No thank you, this is, just the way it is; it was helpful. It did me good to be able to confide my experience.