I was in so much pain. I stopped hearing people around me and everything started to blur in a slow motion. I knew at that stage that I had to let it go, I didn't want to fight anymore. I remember telling myself that I could leave and it was okay. I said goodbye to my three kids and told them I will always love them. I knew they felt my love and they had heard me, as if we were linked telepathically for a moment.
I remember darkness and something similar to silence. It felt like everything stopped. A sensation I cannot describe with words really. If I had to refer to my state at the time in a mathematical point of view, I would say I was in the state of zero. It didn't last very long and I regained some form of emotions and feelings by being surrounded by seven sort of colored energies. My body was gone; I was a concentration of those colors/energies. At the time, I felt complete. I had reached the perfection in my being - not as a human being but as a part of a great source of energy. I recovered the ultimate knowledge by becoming that energy again. It was fulfilling and intense.
After what felt like an eternity, I progressively felt heavier. I realized I had to go back. At the time, I felt like I had a choice to make. Going back to start or finish something in my human body. I knew through the seven energies/colors that I would have to sacrifice something to go back.
The return was violent, dark and extremely painful physically and emotionally. I woke up on life support and felt my body crashing on me. I opened my eyes, and I cried. I cried because I knew I would not feel what I felt until I die again. I was conscious that something was missing in my body; I thought I had lost my legs. The surgeon explained to me later they had to perform an emergency hysterectomy. The blood transfusion saved me but I stayed on life support for eighteen hours. During that time, they kept putting my ten-day-old baby on my breast to feed. I believe my baby made me come back.
Date NDE Occurred: 20/04/2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Post surgery internal bleeding 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
I had an internal bleeding after a minor surgery. I lost three liters of blood and my body went into shock.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I encountered those seven energies/colors.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I encountered those seven energies/colors.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was clearly not in the 'world' I know - in another dimension maybe.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision also reached its full potential - I could see 'inside and outside', through and the field of my vision was so much wider. It was not clear and bright. It was deep and wide. The seven colors were soft but I could feel what I could see - I know it sounds strange - but all my senses were linked, they formed a unity, so they would work better.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no sound but soft vibrations, low pitch.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I don't know if I could qualify those energies/colors as other beings as I felt we were parts of each other. I didn't know those energies/colors initially. What has been communicated to me is that I am made of those energies/colors. With the knowledge of those energies/colors we could reach our full potential. Using every single part of our brain to its full potential, auto regulating our system - adapt better to the outside environment. In a way, make our body and mind stronger.
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm the environment that surrounded me was very dark but I felt lift like I was in the heart of something similar to a univers...
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I do not recall leaving my physical body. I just remember going through the experience without it. I also remember the ultimate pain by waking up in it.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I do not fear death anymore as I do believe our body is just an envelope. I believe we as human beings only use very little of our potential. Feeling that I am part of something so much bigger it made me more humble. Also, I do believe that we choose to die or to live at the critical moment.
Today I feel a strong connection to any life form in general and their process of evolution and adaptation. I'm more sensitive to my environment emotionally, but also physically.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future When I woke up I knew that something had been taken from my body during my journey. It appeared that the surgeon had to take my uterus out.
I have since tried very hard to avoid any thoughts that may become future events.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal None
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Every night, before I fell asleep, I meditate and travel inside my body and visualize my regeneration (physical and mental). I believe I can have a better control of my body and thoughts. I am not religious and still don't believe in a super power - I just believe in life and feel closer to the movement of the universes.
What is your religion now? Liberal None
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Every night, before I fell asleep, I meditate and travel inside my body and visualize my regeneration (physical and mental). I believe I can have a better control of my body and thoughts. I am not religious and still don't believe in a super power - I just believe in life and feel closer to the movement of the universes.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes We are part of something bigger. It is linked to the process of life. As I explained earlier, I accessed an amazing amount of knowledge but little is left of it today, it's just a sensation that we could use our vital energy in a much more powerful way.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I'm much more opened mind.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It is very hard to describe something you have never experienced before. As I cannot compare it to anything I know, I cannot use the right vocabulary to define the emotions and the intensity of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I always thought there was nothing after death, in a spiritual kind of way. Today, I have doubt that maybe there is something else. But if what I experience is that something else, then it is nothing like we can imagine.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It took me a few months to be able to talk about it. I was a bit confused about what happened to me in the first place. I happened to have a few very vivid dreams of my experience and I decided to talk to my partner. He thought it was maybe all the morphine the doctors gave me. But it has been nearly two years now and I keep talking about it and I think he started wondering if my journey could be more than just my imagination.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I read about people going through a tunnel and see a bright light. I had a completely different experience as far as I am concerned. I am not even sure I left my body to go in another place - I still don't know if it was real.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I could still feel it inside me. I couldn't bear being back to life.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I don't know what to think about it today because nobody has been able to give me an answer to my questions: What happened? Can you explain in a rational scientific way why I felt that way? Did my unconscious play a trick on me?
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Dreams, but they are never as intense.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was the most fulfilling thing that ever happened in my life and I miss it very much.