I don't know how. This is very difficult. How does one describe the indescribable? Okay, I'll start with a part of the poetry I put in the book. It was like a meeting day with the great intelligence - the dew on the grass, the sky at daybreak, the enlightened one. Great light which I became one with. Total and utter peace and serenity. Pure love - unconditional love, pure omnipotence, pure comparison, a sinless intelligence, knowing this intelligence was beyond what I was. It is something, which would take many lifetimes to achieve. Total rapture, a feeling of pure joy. Didn't want to leave it. I am part of this intelligence even though I know this intelligence is pure knowledge and sinless, yet I am a sinner. My body is not my soul. Felt my soul separate - sorry hard to describe. Soul has different mission and can communicate differently - bloody hard to explain. Sorry you ask too much. Too hard to describe and I know I have failed.
Date NDE Occurred: July 1989
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Plus medical test as stated above which resulted in calamity. Leaking spinal fluid following lumbar puncture to determine Multiple Sclerosis. Was having severe MS attack at the time but was not sure of it, of course as doctors were unsure. Lumbar puncture was to determine Multiple Sclerosis. Bad leakage!
I was leaking spinal fluid. That will do it plus having a very severe multiple sclerosis attack. Lay in the bed for five weeks, didn't move, speechless apparently, dribbled, had to be fed with a spoon. Lost five weeks, that'll do it.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes It seemed perfectly normal and I wasn't worried about it. Just like slipping out of a pair of pajamas.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Unconscious but thought I was awake. Experience more real than sitting here typing.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No verbal communication. Communication just happened without effort. Didn't need a voice box. Just felt communication. Soul explained experience as 'for my sake' if I have to put it in words. I am not really the person 'I think' I am. It was that sort of feeling. The soul has a mission different to this dippy blonde. Oh heck, this is hard.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes YES, YES, YES, YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES. Not like a regular light bulb. Brilliant light. Literally the light of the world. White, white light. Everywhere. It is around me in front of me and behind me. I am with the light and the light is with me. I am part of the light. I can see the earth as a living organism. It is alive. Noting on this earth can describe the experience or come close to it.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm As described above - earth as a living organism - stupendous, miraculous - hard to describe.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Rapture, joy, bliss, total love. Oh, wonder! Nothing on earth like it.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I came to know the experience I underwent physically was for the sake of my soul. It sounds weird but that was the reason. Soul is not me but I am the soul - I know, it sounds weird. Everything is interlinked, alive and interdependent. Earth is a totally living organism like a cell. At one stage, I knew something extremely important but at a certain point, I lost it and became conscious. As if I knew it, I wouldn't come back. Near the point of totally knowing, I came back and was conscious.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control A book was opened in front of me which contained everything I had ever said, done, experienced - good and bad. It was like a record of my life. Even my thoughts! It was confronting. Yes, I learned that life was just a schoolroom, just a learning place. We are here to learn and better ourselves but not materially! We are souls with bodies, not bodies with souls. We are here to learn to walk in the shoes of the 'fisherman'. We all ultimately face our own 'crucifixion' and salvation. Nobody gets off this earth without the lesson. I do not judge people as I once did. I am considered a bit weird because of my experience. It changed friendships. It changed my marriage. I left on a personal journey for about six months about eleven years ago because of the effect of it. Hard for husband to understand at the time. I came back and later on, my husband became ill with a serious disease. We are now extremely close and totally bonded.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I had knowledge regarding people and future events e.g. I knew what marriages would break up and when, well into the future. I knew when someone who thought they weren't sick, was sick. I could feel pain in other people, emotional and physical - this was distressing and became unbearable for me, so much so that I ultimately asked to be 'let off' because of the pain. Others who had similar 'encounters' knew me - pure strangers. People would say, 'You know, don't you?' and other such things. It disturbed my family. I wasn't 'let off' for a while. I knew what people were thinking. I started to do writing automatically and driven to join speaking clubs to give certain speeches about the environment, health etc. The breakdown of communism known in advance. Started to become frightened of myself.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I felt crucified by my physical ordeal and in fact, my mother who had no idea what to make of my terrible health and recovery, called it a crucifixion. I had to come back for the sake of my soul. I had more work to do, part of that work involved my mother who passed away last year and that is another unusual story - my goodness.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Was Roman Catholic. Am now more spiritual and less religious. Totally unprejudiced concerning all religions.
What is your religion now? Liberal I am all religions I believe. But know they are all flawed. I cannot describe in words why. Sorry.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am of no specific religion. I believe in them all but all are flawed. Am more spiritual.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It is as if you are asking me the same question. It is impossible to say what makes it hard to communicate because there was no communication in words in the experience. It was total communion with the universe, sublime. Sorry words are too vague for the wonderful.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes As described above. Ability to feel people. I could feel their emotions. What they were thinking. Could feel another's pain - physical and emotional. This was hard and taxing. Could ask questions of the universe (for want of a better word) and get the answer immediately shot straight into my solar plexus with a thud. Could literally feel it in there. Was never wrong. I became afraid of this ability. As described, others who had had the same experience knew me immediately and sometimes we both frightened each other.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The light and the communication with the light was the best part. The worst part was coming back and trying to make sense of the world and the stupidity of people sometimes. People thinking I am odd.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Mostly they listened but I knew they thought I was a little 'spare'. Lost a few friends. I am mostly alone now. My husband believes me, as does my father-in-law. I was a real party animal but now we are just so close my husband and me. It is as if we are totally bonded through terrible health problems. Other than these people plus mother and mother-in-law (two women now deceased) everyone, other than others who had had it, thought I was loony.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? The experience didn't belong to this earth and we are bound by time and space and language. It's not your fault. No there are not any other questions for the totally unable to describe.