Experience Description

August 14th 2008 I was having a scheduled cesarean section, my fourth one. After putting the freezing in my back and was getting prepped only my legs had no feeling, when I told the doctors I could still feel the baby moving, and could feel them putting the blankets on me and could still feel the first cut, I was ignored. Then came the big cut that made me scream out in pain, my doctor asked the guy who was supposed to have frozen me, 'What did you do?!' I don't remember much after that. My husband says I was asking where my doctor was and that I lost a lot of blood, which the nurses confirmed later.

Next thing I remember is being in very bright light, looking down on my body, a body that meant nothing to me. I did not see the room or doctors or husband or anything else in the room, my body was also surrounded by light. I was stunned, instead of being in awe or seeing the beauty, all I could think of was my thirteen-year-old mentally handicapped son, and my new baby. I could feel God (I think it was God) and I said to him, 'No God I'm not ready,' there was no need for words, it's like my thoughts were all that was needed. Next thing I heard was someone yelling at me to breathe. That breath I took was the most beautiful breath I ever took, it was like I couldn't stop taking in air and it went all through my body down to my toes, that's the only way I can describe it. I have tried since to take a breath again like it and cannot. When I opened my eyes my husband's face was in mine saying, 'We had a son, we had a son.' I looked over and saw my baby and gave up, there was no escaping the pain. I just lay there whimpering.

Talking later to my husband, he said my eyes did go blank, lifeless. But he said no one yelled at me to breathe. The doctor standing at my head was only talking to me quietly. So who yelled at me to breathe? The next day I told my doctor that I was sure I was dying. He looked at me and nodded his head. That was all the confirmation I needed.

Now I fear death, I never feared it before but now can't stop thinking of death and how fast life can be taken from you. Where will my children be without me? I have to be here for them. How can I enjoy life when I can't stop thinking of death?

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: Aug. 14th 2008

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-relatedChildbirth Other C-section gone wrong I don't understand the question.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I was in the light.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was in the light.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning The space was different, when I looked at my body, I did not see the operating room or objects in the room or people, just my body. I always believed that when you had a NDE you float above your body and see everything. I did not experience anything that I have read or heard on this topic. And time had no meaning; I don't know how long I was there.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was very bright, my body was also surrounded by the light but in a fog, my body did not seem real. It was like what is of this earth was not real but what was in the light was real.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard someone yelling at me to breathe, yet my husband said no one yelled at me.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I did not see any other beings but felt a presence, be it God, Creator, or whatever you want to call him. He was all around me; it was like he was the light. And Yes, I knew him, I knew who he was without seeing him. The only thing communicated was, 'No God, I'm not ready.'

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a very bright light, a very bright white, pure white light that surrounded me and my body. When I first got there, I looked for a second at my body and it was also surrounded by brightness, but it did not hurt like looking into the sun or a light bulb. The light went on forever.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Sadness, urgency, disbelief, and a knowing. It was also very calm and quiet. It would have been great if I wanted to be there. But I had to come back.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I only learned to fear death and fear leaving my loved ones behind, my sons need me, because I know my ex-husband will put my handicapped son in a home and I can't let that happen.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate spiritualist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Moderate spiritualist

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I have always made a point of telling my kids I love them, and hugging them daily, but now that hug lasts a little bit longer.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain The light.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared with my husband, doctor, friends and family. I still keep talking about it to whoever will listen. I need understanding of this. Their reactions? The doctor nodded his head, my friends and family has no idea how to react or what to say, they just listen. My husband explained what was happening here on earth while I was going through this and I started sharing right away.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I read books, seen shows on TV but did not experience what I have read or heard. There were no loved ones to greet me. I wanted to come right back, did not want to be there. I WAS NOT READY. The only thing that was the same as what I have read, is my body meant nothing to me, did not give it a second glance.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was very real to me, and still is. Be it an NDE or like science likes to call it, lack of oxygen to the brain. To me I nearly died, the doctor confirmed it and also my husband who was by my side looking into my eyes, he saw the life leave my eyes. It does not matter what name we give it, the experience was real and will forever change my thought pattern. It was not scary then but now it is very frightening to me, the thought of death. All I can think is (I nearly died) be it lack of oxygen or NDE. Though I believe it to be NDE.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I still view it the same way, as the day it happened. It has only been four months.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No