I overdosed on purpose. My husband was abusive and kept bringing home teeny-tiny, young girls that he was sleeping with and comparing me to them. He was always mean and abusive with guns, choking, taunting, and just plain cruelty. I had a bad childhood and played the ‘abuse me’ card very well. He was super popular and very sociopathic. I lost the ability to think clearly and decided to die. Next thing I knew, I was fighting to catch my breath and the hospital thought I was having convulsions; I was fighting the breathing tube. I felt a thump, like a punch to my chest and then I felt a pull; a physical, touching-me pull. It was my spirit being pulled out of my body and it was fine by me. In fact, it was a good thing. I saw my body in the hospital bed, I heard what people were saying, and I knew I was dying. It was all good. It was a thump, then a letting go and a release of care. It is hard to describe, but I think about it all the time. I still want to die. My life has been a series of terrible events. I always thought I would die young, but God can't even grant me that.
Date NDE Occurred: 1990
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
My husband was trying to kill me.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I knew what was going on without any explanation.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? It when I was above my body looking down and listening.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was more of a feeling than a being.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard everyone clearly, not like in real life when you only hear what you hear.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt relief, a real letting go of everything.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I still dream about the connections from the smallest to the unimaginably largest.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? No comment
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am no longer religious.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Not important to me
What is your religion now? No comment Religion kills. I do not want to associate with any religion
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had never really thought about it in reality
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know that organized religion has it all wrong. It is physics and reality, not myth and storytelling.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes everything from unimaginably small to unimaginably huge is connected. I just know this now.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God does not exist
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Life is not what we think it is while we are living.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes It just is, and it is amazing
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I passed through a barrier and there was "awareness" of my being
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life Moderate changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Life sucks and I know it so I just go along to get along and do not worry as much.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have not told anyone because it was so hard to explain.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The feeling of just letting go and letting the ‘thump’ or whatever do what it is going to do.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? No
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I could still remember it very clearly.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
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