I had the sensation of weightlessness and floating in spirals, of leaving my body and feeling in a body-free state. I was surrounded by endless grey smoke. Wherever I looked, I saw a kind of gaseous dense smoke. It was like swimming in a liquid gas or a smoky liquid. I felt disconcerted because I did not know where I was or what I was doing there. I was moving forward or sideways but wherever I looked there was nothing other than that mass of smoke. There was no noise, no other presence, nothing. It was a 'nothing' in which I floated, and these surroundings went on and on however much I moved around or at least had the feeling of doing so. It was like trying to draw back a huge curtain of smoke, which would not be dissipated - however much I waved my hands. Everything seemed very slow, strange, odd, indefinable and incomprehensible. My feeling was that there was NOTHING. I was just being, floating. The next thing I remember is staccato voices, noise and roughness. It was the paramedics placing tubes in my throat. I felt aggressiveness toward me coming from them. Then I remember nothing more until I woke up already in the hospice bed, very displeased to be awake. On opening my eyes I felt disappointment at being back in the reality I was used to, it all seemed harsh, crude, clumsy, dense and irritating. I did not want to be there.
Date NDE Occurred: 1995
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
I had attempted suicide with prescription drugs.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I don't know. It seemed like a dream, but very clear.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I don't know. It seemed like a dream, but very clear.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I just had the sense of suspension, weightlessness and slowness.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I just was aware of an absolute silence.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain The density of my surroundings was smoky, rather greyish. Neither light nor darkness. It was just a boundless zone of grey smoke.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? No emotions. I was just there floating, weightless, bewildered and uncertain.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain Perhaps I was previously more skeptical and rational.
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain Perhaps I was previously more skeptical and rational.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain They have changed, but I do not attribute this entirely to that experience
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain I was in a state of confusion.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I had to rethink many things after this experience.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The first time I told someone was years later and the reply I got was that the experience was the effect of the drugs I had ingested. Someone else suggested that I read about near-death experiences.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definately not real I did not analyze it; I outright rejected what I saw and felt. I was too confused to analyze the experience from a wider perspective.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I feel the experience was probably real. Reading about near-death experiences of others, I am struck by the similarities as to feelings and visualizations, specifically in regard to attempted suicides.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No