They had to operate on me a second time to extract the liquid that was surrounding my heart and lungs. This was making it very hard to breathe. They found it was full of Staphylococcus aureus.
Some patients are able to hear and feel much earlier than others, after anesthesia. I realized that the surgery had begun, I was alive, but it wasn't agreeable because I could hear everything. The doctors and nurses in charge of cleaning me at the end of surgery and to prepare me to return to intensive care carried on talking. I heard how they lamented and mentioned that I had a little girl 10 months old and maybe I wouldn't ever see her again. They were speaking about my family my two sisters, father and of my husband.
Why were they talking about me and my family in this way, as I was still alive? They shouldn't talk like this they should see me, here I am, I am listening! From within, I cried desperately.
The situation was very delicate. I hung by a thread and the result of the investigation was to apply a liquid, it was not encouraging: my entire body was invaded by spores of Staphylococcus aureus. It was very complex to eradicate this bacteria under the circumstances in which I had found myself. Maybe during the first surgery the area had become contaminated, nobody was sure.
I awoke in intensive care in a private cubicle whose walls were windows. I opened my eyes and I realized my whole family were gathered around, their faces filled with pain, they announced that which I had heard was true, I hadn't imagined it. I was on the brink of death, but inside in my soul, my spirit was as strong as ever. There was no way to communicate this confidence and strength, because I was intubated, on a respirator and there was no way to communicate, other than making signals.
The doctors asked me how I felt and I raised my arms in a triumphant signal, just like Rocky the boxer, and in that very moment they tied my hands to the rail of the bed, because of the danger of running the risk of ripping out the respirator tubes. I saw how the doctors retreated with my parents and husband to talk a distance away from intensive care.
'Most probably Ana Cecilia is delirious or more specifically has brain damage. We are revising with which antibiotic we should treat the bacteria that she has.'
'But what is it that she has Doctor? What are we to do now?’ asked my mother.
'A Staphylococcus aureus just started, but it is very dangerous.' My parents cheered up a bit, my husband continued talking to the doctor.
'How serious is this doctor?'
'It is very serious. It isn't very easy to say this to you, but I recommend getting your admission papers in order. She is registered as single with a single surname. If she should die, you will have a lot of problems in trying to retrieve her from the hospital yourself.'
'We have two options to medicate her and eradicate the Staphylococcus aureus. As there have not yet been definitive tests we will have to take the risk and begin the medication. If we don't start it today, hoping we are correct, we will lose her in days.'
My parents and husband went home where they stayed with broken hearts. In the hospital, there was no comfortable space where they could spend the night. Nowadays there are comfortable chairs to spend the night there, near a family member in a critical state.
Meanwhile, in my cubicle, I tried to signal in different moments that the tube in my throat was hurting a lot, I managed to move my head, but with my hands tied and the breathing tubes and the effects of the anesthetic I couldn't make myself understood.
I made a nurse give me a pen and notebook to write what I wanted to say. I was only able to say 'My throat hurts.' One of the two nurses, which were always in charge of me, touched my head and said ‘it was natural that it should be a little uncomfortable, but they have to leave the tube there'. It was impossible, no one would listen to me and the pain I felt wasn't normal. I had previously been intubated and hadn't felt any discomfort at all. It was no use continuing to try to tell them that the tube was badly fitted.
Some hours later, in the small hours, maybe the most memorable experience of the rest of my life began. One of the nurses said to the other she was going to meet her boyfriend in McDonald's, on the first floor of the Hospital. As everything seemed to be going well, the second said to me that she won't be long she was only going for water. The water was only a few steps from my cubicle. They seemed normal actions, without any consequences. Nevertheless, as much as I had tried to explain, the respirator tube was badly fitted. With the secretion of some phlegm this was blocked and the moment arrived when I was asphyxiated. It stopped the air reaching my lungs.
With no one to watch over me, my first reaction was to try to rip out the tubes so I could breathe. With my arms tied it was impossible, in spite of the jerking that I did with all my strength. Much later, they would be bruised and hurt from trying. It hit me, the bed was moved completely, and my body writhed not able to do anything, seconds seemed like hours.
Almost at the same time, the respirator alarm sounded, and again. It was loud, and it was as if an ambulance was in my cubicle. There were what seemed like an army of doctors and nurses entering my cubicle. I heard the cries ‘Respirator! Respirator!’ They were calling the specialist team. They were shouting like madmen it seemed to me. I could hear everything, but I couldn't breathe.
Meanwhile some nurses held my legs and tried to calm me in the bed, the doctors took out the top part of the tube that went into my throat to carry on the necessary procedure. They put in a little liquid into the tube that came out of my mouth and tried to suck out the phlegm. I continued struggling in order that they could help me breathe. The desperation to receive a little air and the adrenalin made me writhe so badly that four people couldn't hold me down. I only wanted one thing; to breathe.
My body hangs onto life in spite of being weak, infected, recently operated on, and deprived of oxygen, to maintain life. My body isn't easily overcome and makes the final force to manage to survive.
They tried the procedure once more, and weren't able to free the tube, maybe because it was badly positioned. Then the dizziness started and I began to lose consciousness and the body began to surrender. I stopped breathing and almost immediately my heart stopped. Then, I left.
Suddenly, I opened my eyes and I felt totally liberated, I saw myself in a hospital gown, with the doctors around my body trying to resuscitate me. I saw how they were busily moving from one place to another, each time smaller and more distant. The sensation was strange because I felt myself complete integral and without doubt, I saw my inert body in front of me. I floated alone. No one tried to hold down my painful legs and arms. The relief was enormous. I couldn't control that which had happened, I let go. Then, there began the most wonderful journey.
I floated from within what seemed like a tree. I could only be a spectator. First I saw something like a layer of branches that sheltered little animals. There were squirrels, rabbits and birds amongst them. All of them were harmonious, I felt peace, fullness, they radiated a love the like of which I had never felt and much less coming from an animal: a fullness that hadn't lived. The sounds penetrated my soul, and everything that I had left behind lost importance. To experience this sensation was the only thing that had all my attention in that moment.
I continued floating, meanwhile my body relaxed, my muscles stopped hurting, I breathed freely, I no longer felt tired. The relief wasn't just external, but internal also. Straight away, I saw a second layer of various extensive branches, the scenario was incredible. There were big animals, horses, giraffes, elephants, lions, and many more. The scene was beautiful. The colors of the skins of each species amazed me. For the first time I saw these wild animals, like inoffensive and friendly beings which before I had never seen. It was as if we knew each other and were part of the same family. I felt love for those beings and was aware that they loved me as well.
I continued rising. I saw a third layer of branches. These were full of children of all races and ages, everyone unique and at the same time beautiful. Everyone was happy. Smiles, songs, small sweet voices, they were all that could be heard. The smiles shone in the faces of the children. They played and ran in the field; they splashed in the water that cascaded from a fountain in the center of the garden. I wasn't able to talk to anyone, at least I didn't try, I was content to observe and enjoy this beautiful countryside: a countryside that emanated love from every side. The communication I had during the journey wasn't verbal, but I felt flooded with love, so that I didn't say anything. I enjoyed, and was delighted with this beautiful spectacle. I would have decided to stay here if I had had the choice. But I was like a balloon that leaves the hand of a child, and is not concerned with that which it leaves behind. It goes wherever the air takes it.
At this moment, I remembered Ana Cecilia. But I wasn't worried, I knew that she would be fine. Then I was able to see her in her bed sleeping peacefully. I felt great peace and very close to her, as if I was there at her side. I wasn't worried, but just drew close to her and cared for her.
I realized that I had the power to see everything in front, behind, up and down or everywhere at once. Without worrying where I would turn, and without needing to turn the head, my eyes could see as if in three dimensions. I didn't feel worry or anxiety. It was a lot of information at once, and all of it was assimilated and fascinated me. I felt that there had been magic in this place.
A little further up, I saw another large layer of branches. This time there were teenagers, people of middle age, and people just growing old. I saw harmony, serenity, and happiness. People smiled and I felt strengthened. The voices were clear harmonious and fluent. The communication flowed in a natural manner. The atmosphere was total peace, and completely full of love. There was also a fountain surrounded by flowers of every color, in the center of a large garden. The water cascaded in different rhythms forming images and its sound was in harmony and was amazing. The people sat down around themselves and talked and smiled at one another. They didn't talk with sounds from the mouth. It was as if just with the mind they could say everything and I could hear them. There were people leaning in the garden reading a book, or just enjoying the Sun. The countryside was fantastic.
I continued being carried along on this journey. I was only able to enjoy the pleasure of traveling on, rising up this tree that was as a tunnel full of life where it seemed everything was one; that made me feel complete and fulfilled, free. I was able to breathe deeply and oxygenate myself. I didn't feel ill. I didn't hurt in any way, absolutely. I remember my parents and my husband. I knew that they were suffering, but I also knew they would be OK. I wanted to console them, love them more and more. Nothing, absolutely nothing worried me. It was as if I knew that sooner or later they would enjoy this excellent feeling of well-being that I had, and I stopped worrying.
I went on a bit further towards a layer of branches, but this time, I could see a large group of old people. The elderly people smiled, they looked strong and vigorous. Many were sat down talking but without saying anything just enjoying the countryside. They were in the middle of flower-filled gardens, trees of various species, and rivers flowing with clean fresh water. They walked along paths and shared stories. Nobody had any problems with moving. This caught my attention.
Suddenly, I realized that my body was as if it was filled with electricity, that it was able to radiate light. I felt fulfilled, the countryside was simply beautiful and my soul filled up with happiness.
I looked up, to see what was happening, then everything was a spectacle with sensations that I had never felt before. I saw a small yellow fine circle so intense that it attracted me. Also my natural curiosity made me go in to see what was behind it.
My curiosity turned into desire, I wanted to go into it. But as much as I tried I wasn't able to speed up my journey. Anxious and trying to go in, I managed to penetrate slowly into this small space. It was as if it was a silk thread; soft and delicate.
To lift my head and shoulders, as I believed that I would finally be able to live in the light that was within, it stopped at the middle of my body, and filled every part of my body. I became blinded and was in complete ecstasy. I breathed deeply, to fill myself completely with this amazing sensation. I didn't want, didn't need anything else. I had arrived at the end, the final destination, there wasn't any way that here could be any more love than this, I felt it, I knew it, and I enjoyed it enormously.
No pleasure, feeling of peace, harmony, fullness or ecstasy could describe the sensation of being embraced by this light that filled me with this complete love. There were not sufficient words. I could see, hear, feel and perceive everything without moving from this tree that made me float. It was as if everything was as one. Everything was connected. I had the ability to be everywhere at the same time, and to communicate myself with everyone without saying anything. I felt completely loved accepted, without any conflict or confusion. It was like being at home with the whole of the family of creation.
Without looking absolutely at anything, almost immediately I felt the stroke of a hand on the upper part of my head. In this moment I was flooded with an unimaginable love. I was filled with ecstasy. At this moment when the hand touched my head I heard a gentle, beautiful, almost mystical voice which said to me, ‘Stay calm and go in peace. Do everything that I have asked you.’
I wanted to ask, understand, investigate more but in this instant I began my journey back. I returned seeing the layers of branches but really quickly. There was no way to enjoy them. I wanted to but could only go back in this violent way. I didn't want to return from this beautiful experience which was so nice, and that I liked so much.
Why do I have to return if I was able to rest at last? For what reason are they waking me up? Why are they bothering me? I asked myself constantly.
Again I saw myself far away in the hospital bed and the doctors surrounding my body trying to resuscitate me. In an instant, I was in my body. My head went round and round. I again felt pain, anguish and anger. The dizziness stopped me locating myself in time and space. I opened my eyes and saw lots of doctors around me trying to resuscitate me. I felt a great heat in the chest from the electric shock they had used to try and get the cardiac rhythm back. In this moment I heard the doctors shouting.
‘No! I don't want to return, Leave me in peace!’ I shouted inwardly without anyone hearing me.
I was desperate. I didn't want to be here. I asked myself once again, why they had woken me up, if finally I had slept after battling to breathe. It was as if nobody cared what I wanted. Everyone wanted to bring me back to this place where everything hurt, and I could barely breathe. I felt that hours had passed here, without a doubt it had only been some minutes. My body had resisted and had once more been in cardiac arrest.
The doctors seemed to lose control and they shouted in a loud voice, ‘She's back, again with us. She's gone! She's gone! Try again.’
I fought to return to where I had been for some seconds. There was no reason to stay here, where there had been so much pain and suffering I just wanted to return to this light, this love, and this instant. I wanted to feel this immense love and fullness that I had felt. No one heard my inner cries. It was incredible that no one cared what I thought. I couldn't think of my daughter, my husband, my parents, or my family. All was left behind, in importance after having lived in this peace and restfulness. I felt that they would be well, I didn't worry any more.
‘Leave me in peace! I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go back! Please! Let me go!’ I said inside myself.
After a battle of around an hour, with electric shocks and cardiopulmonary resuscitations they managed to re-establish my heart beat. I came back. I was here again in the hospital, full of tubes, sounds, respirators, and a large group of doctors around me. Little by little they moved away, there remained only the guard of the two nurses, that always had to be here, and a cardiologist who stayed with me the rest of the night.
At first, I was bewildered and confused. It’s not possible to suffer an experience like this and hope to return understanding what has happened. They attached lines and I realized that I was very angry with everyone and that I didn't understand anything. Who had said these words to me? Why did they say this to me? Would a doctor talk to me, or Jesus himself show me the way that I had to decipher? Everything had happened at once. I enjoyed an amazing scene, and they had resuscitated me and tried to save my life.
Some hours passed before it became clear in my mind. I was able then to understand and accept what had happened. I had been in another place, in another dimension, or maybe in the same place but I was able to see that which before I couldn't see. Something happened and I wanted to understand because I had left my body. I insisted on telling myself and the only way was to write. They gave me a pen on my left side, because they had a catheter on my right. But I wasn't able to write. As I tried to ask no one could answer. No one gave me explanations. In spite of all my intentions to write in my little notebook, I was not able to obtain an explanation. I felt disconcerted but very animated. I didn't understand where I had been, but I knew that I had been alive, it wasn't of this world or this kingdom, it had been a foretaste of the amazing world which comes after death. Everyone acted as if I was dead, but I would like to explain that it was healthier than anything. I wanted them to stop acting in this way and to tell them, that although I looked bad, I wasn't ill and I didn't feel pain anymore, that I knew that I would live, that I felt that they had said it to me. But I wasn't able to say anything or communicate the internal force that sustained me helped me and didn't discourage me in any way, in spite of the bad news that would come much later.
After many serious days I entered a crisis and began to cry deeply, I had another amazing experience.
I re-situated my head on the pillow, I looked up and then I went through one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I started to pray asking God to give me peace. With my eyes on the ceiling, I was trying to take slow deep breaths, meanwhile listening to Marcela my sister. I concentrated on my prayer. Then I felt a tingling sensation all over my body. With my eyes open and feeling that I was totally conscious I saw two angels come down and one stayed on my right side another on my left.
They emanated light and I saw the movement of their clothing like silk tunics. All the time they seemed to be floating. I don't remember ever having seen wings so great or golden, only transparent bodies that shone brilliantly and showered me with pure love, and fulfillment. They began to clean me. They rested my head back with great care, my chest, my arms, stomach and legs. I felt as if my body began to free itself from the pressure it had. I felt relief, I enjoyed the scenario, and it was all a spectacle for my eyes. I felt lovingly embraced by these beings. Marcela just looked at me and didn't understand what had happened when she saw me relax each time as I looked at my body from one side to the other.
I remained in a deep sleep for several hours. I rested as if for the first time in days. My breathing improved dramatically. Crying was the best respiratory exercise that I could have done. I managed that which Lorna couldn't in days. With force, the air entered my lungs and this had dislodged the liquid phlegm. Events sometimes as dark as they seem, carry with them a light with them, and give meaning to pain.
This is what I mean by growing through the pain. It was basically two amazing experiences in which I lived during my two months stay in hospital.
Date NDE Occurred: Junio 1989
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I was born with a heart condition: major cardiac vessels were in the wrong place, and only one ventricle. From birth my parents were told I wouldn't live very long. I never had surgery or treatment for this illness. After the miraculous birth of a girl, in a few months I felt very ill. They had to operate. After surgery there were serious complications, one of the things was I was full of Staphylococcus aureus. My life was in danger. In order to try and extract the fluid from around my lungs that was drowning me and crushing my heart, they had to operate. Then after the second surgery, I had the experience.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I saw the doctors resuscitating me several times. Then I knew they took hours. I saw my daughter on her bed and my parents, suffering, sitting down in a waiting room, I don't know if I was able to see them during the experience, but I knew that which happened and felt great love towards them. I knew that they would be well and stopped worrying.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Everything made sense and was very clear. I saw the colors of the skins of the animals, the details of the gardens, of the water of the trees, and the air. Everything around me was different. I had never been through anything like this so REAL! Everything which you see in supernatural films, here was PURE REALITY and makes you feel marvelous.
Also when I saw the angels.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I saw the doctors trying to resuscitate me, when I could see everything without having to turn my head. I saw above, below, from one side to the other in front and behind and didn't feel any confusion. Everything made sense and was very clear.
Also when I saw the angels. I didn't doubt for one moment that they were spiritual beings full of love. I saw them, I felt them, and I felt their love and their caresses.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
At the same time that I was able to see them try to resuscitate me, I could see my daughter was in bed, I saw my parents I saw people having fun, children, animals, and everything that happened. None of it confused me. On the contrary everything was harmonious and amazing. Everything made a lot of sense.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Before the experience I believed that I was very sensible in most things but I never looked much further than the obvious. After the experience I realized that I knew that which underlined the words of people even without them saying anything. It is as if I knew their story and could decipher perfectly when someone lied to me, or when that which they said wasn't real. I was able to read the actions of people as never before. I developed a very sharp sense of perception. It's frustrating sometimes because I can know but I am unable to prove what I know until it happens.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything I heard was harmonious, loving with great feeling. I listened to many voices, many sentences, air, water, animals and it was as if I had the capacity to understand them all. I felt I had brought with me much information but it was so hard to describe. My way of seeing life is very different to that in which many people see it. I listened a lot and was never confused, the sounds weren't words, but I understood everything. No one spoke to me, but everyone communicated, I don't know if I have made this clear.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I entered through a tree but more accurately I saw as if there were various different layers of heaven. The tree took me but wonderful worlds opened up, with each layer of the branches. I listened, saw, and felt everything without moving from my place, where I floated. It was like everything was united within me.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I believe that I visited my great grandmother that I saw for the last time when I was four. I didn't speak with her but she said many things without talking. I didn't speak with anyone I just felt them communicate in silence. I felt so much love, I felt everything.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw a light that flooded me completely. A light that embraced me and in that embrace, I felt love. This light never let me see, it blinded me but never hurt me, on the contrary I felt ecstasy fulfillment, and completely safe. It permeated every part of my being. I didn't want to leave this place. I knew where I wanted to be.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was definitely a different realm to the one in which I had lived. It wasn't possible to be able to see everything that I saw without moving. To feel this love that I felt, for all of nature, all the animals, people, this entire universe and at the same time to feel they loved me back in return. Never had I seen as much as those people. The sensation was one of an incredible welcome.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Many emotions. I felt pleasure, immense peace, a love that I have never felt. I felt complete in myself, fulfilled. Everything made sense. It was like finally I was able to unite all the threads of my existence and understand that for which I had been created and why I was here. I felt an immense love for everyone that I was here. I adored the animals, and all creation. From that moment on I could never see suffering of an animal or think that the trees and plants didn't have feelings. I felt that everything had a harmonious feeling.
We are all connected and I felt that there wasn't anything else that wasn't alive in some way. I felt the same towards everyone and everything. Everything was one.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe There was no confusion. On the contrary, for the first time everything had a logic that I had never experienced before. Everything was harmonious everything was one. The entire Universe made me feel welcome. I felt loved by the trees, the animals the plants and people: everyone. I understood that the pain meant nothing, that all of this was passing, I understood that hatred is fear of rejection. I understood that anger is insecurity, where I was there was none of it. I didn't ever want to return to the earth. I felt loved, accepted and related to by my surroundings.
I am writing a book that has been hard for me to finish, precisely because I can't find words to describe everything that I saw felt and experienced.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events I realized that I had married because I thought that I would soon die. I never thought that I would survive so much time before surgery, and less that I would be able to have a daughter outside of any prognosis. I realized that I had fear of death and lived life fully before this could happen. I believed that marrying and knowing the happiness of having a family would help me live more fully.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I saw how things were, I don't know if it was in the future or now, but in another dimension. Things were there, but I believe we can't see them. We live on a physical plane but at the same time live on a spiritual plane. This is what I feel not what I know.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes On arriving at the light, I knew that once I went there I could never come back. This was the goal. It was a yellow thin fascinating circle, the light that had been there was so attractive that the only thing I wanted was to go into it and stay there. It was a light of love, I believe.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I never wanted to return. I wanted to remain there, but this hand touched me I don't know who or what it was. Maybe it was me from another dimension, making me aware that I had to return to tell my story, my experience. I had an instruction to do everything they had told me, but this meant renouncing this peace and harmony, this love that I had never seen. I didn't really have a choice, I had to come back and see life from a different perspective. It had been very hard to explain everything that had happened. Many years of silence had passed.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Definitely. I nourish my spiritual life very much, but not with prayers or by going to church. Better than this, I use Yoga, Reiki, personal prayer, and lots of meditation.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Creo que esta experiencia me hizo cuestionarme algunas cosas de mis creencias. Creo que existe la vida después de la muerte, pero no creo que se deba enseñar a traves del miedo y la angustia como lo enseñan algunas religiones (cristiana y católica).
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I believed that you could only save yourself if you believed in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I realized that where I was, there was no religion and on no occasion were there people isolated or preaching one way as better, or worse than the rest. I believe that the mind of everyone is heaven or hell, they are not places. It is a state of consciousness that makes you be in one or the other place. They never made me feel that just one religion had the truth. Absolutely! There is only one truth and that is within you, in your heart, and it is called love. Love doesn't confuse you, doesn't have limits or rules or errors: whereas religions do.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am not sure of what religion really provides for spiritual beings. I believe they are a guide to help others but at least those of the western world, are better seen as manipulations of human beings to make them just the way they want to control them. I believe that the inner nourishment is the responsibility of each one of us, not of the church, as the church can have errors. I believe more in discovering methods to find inner peace and well-being in myself.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The voice that I heard was clearly supernatural. It was a harmonious voice that gave me an instruction. Maybe it was I, feeling it was also saying to me that I had to return, to do that which I hadn't done. This hand that touched my head filled me with electricity and flooded me with love.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I don't know if it was some spiritual being that kept me and gave me the order to return. But I know that it was an evolved being, much higher, it instructed me with much love and much peace, about my mission or special function.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain I don't know if I obtained the information here, but from when I returned, I have had many dreams of myself in other ages, riding on the back of a white horse defending someone. I also realize that on leaving this experience, I see the world completely differently. I greatly enjoy people, but I also love to be alone. I feel that my inner world is so full of information, that the answers to problems, I normally find within me. I don't know if this was gained in other lives or from this experience where I received so much information.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I am convinced that there is an incredible unity in the whole universe. It is not possible to feel love apart from animals, plants, trees, stars, and people that I never knew. Everything was as if we were the same, and we had known each other always. It was as if you were at home, with the whole family of creation.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I don't know if it is God, or a superior force. Better to say I believe it is the total of each of us. They say that God is love, and I am love, every being is love, therefore we are all God. The Supreme Being is love in its maximum expression. We have named this as God as if it is a being or someone, but I believe that it is better to say that it is another, and this other is unconditional love. When we die we are able to experience it.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I know I have to share that which I have experienced. I can't stop from sharing that life occurs after death. That it's not true that we will be judged finally and that it will limit the fullness of our existence. I feel that I have a purpose in sharing how it is, through the means of great pain, one can be positive and optimistic. I know it is not important what we have or how much we have, also it is not important what professional titles we have, nor all the things the world demands to have a certain social and economic level. What is important is to love in spite of that which might be. What is important is to see in others that which they themselves cannot see sometimes. I believe that I have to share that faith is that which saves. Faith in yourself saves you from your fears, from your failures, from coldness, from sorrow. If you don't love yourself it will be impossible to love anyone else. You won't be able to love or to give love to anyone else. I believe that I have to share that love to ourselves which is the greatest investment that one could make: giving ourselves time to know ourselves, to understand ourselves and to accept ourselves as we are. In doing so we will see how everyone else will do it as well.
This experience made me more conscious and perceptive of everything that really happens to people. It is as if you could guess what suffering or lack thereof and trying to love them, giving them a security which affects them that doesn't make them less valiant.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Clearly I realized that the pain didn't mean anything compared to that which we will be able to experience when we are on the different plane and that everything is passing, and that the measure of how we should lead our life is positive, as optimistic as possible through all our difficulties, the better will be the certainty that we will live in better conditions.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I am convinced that life continues after death. We don't really die. I believe that that which was happening all occurred at the same time, when I was dying and living. For me I believe that death is the beginning of living in a different form. Everything that I saw is here, nothing ceases to be, this love. We simply have to try to reach it again but I don't believe it is dying, just living in the plane where we should be. What we need is to become aware of this. The church makes us feel we will be judged and punished and I believe it is ourselves that know the good and the bad things we have done and in this measure we suffer or enjoy our lives. When we die, I believe everyone will live in another plane according to how we have lived in this plane of existence.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I discovered that we have a purpose. I was born with a congenital heart condition, and I was in contact with death as a very small child. At eight years I was told that I would most probably not live much longer due to my heart condition. All the time I was accompanied by a ‘Ghost of death’ that which I now consider as my angel. All my life I have had death very near, but never did I imagine that death was the beginning of life. I don't want to have to die to live, that which I experienced. I am sure much that I was able experience; it is nothing more than an opportunity given me to apply here on earth. It was very hard for me due to not finding a way to express it or with whom to talk. All these questions that I have, help me to see much of which I have never seen before, I wrote a part of my book explaining my experience, but I realize that there is much more that I have not written and I want to continue to analyze it.
I believe I have much to contribute and that I have managed to live in heaven on earth after knowing that it's really worthy of the effort. I live fully with love, giving, fully conscious that we don't have to hate, disrespect, or abuse anyone or anything.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes There is no suffering, pain or difficulty that we can't overcome with a positive thought. I learned that if I laugh at my problems I laugh with myself and with others it gives me enormous strength in times of pain.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes When I began to be released from the pain I felt, I realized that I had found a place of immense love. A love that is indescribable. There are no words that describe this type of love. The light that filled me completely embraced me with indescribable love, it filled me from inside and outside with electricity. I felt that God is love, and love is God.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I believe the most important change is to see life in a different way. Fashions, money, social life, appearances, are now no longer important. What is important is the means to live comfortably, but not to live solely to obtain them. I realized that the things I need, I will receive as a consequence of living a good life. To see and love others in spite of whom they are or what they do, is something that isn't as difficult as before. I have become compassionate, understanding and, in my mind, I always try to deal with those that are harmful by trying to make them see that it is not necessary to fight or to inflict damage. I have VERY many conversations with myself all the time. Always trying to understand what is happening to someone else, and put myself in their place. It’s very complex.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I don't have any abusive relationships as before. I love myself more and I have begun to love others in a new way. My love has matured and I understand that we are all one. We are all connected and to love someone as I love myself and to stop doing it is to stop doing it to myself. All this that I see in others is because I am seeing it in me. I can't look at anything in anyone else other than that which is in me.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Totally! I haven't been able from the date, to put it into words everything that I experienced. I have taken a very long period of time to be able to do it, because when I wanted to find help from priests, theologians, pastors and psychologists, no one gave me it. They just said to be happy that I had had such an experience but no one helped me clarify any of it. I knew what had happened, but I kept quiet for years for fear that no one would believe me.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember very well that I felt that I already had to go. I said a prayer asking that God would forgive my sins, but what I was also asking, would He let me see my daughter again. It was as if I was about to go at that very moment, but I prayed and desired strongly to return to see my beloved daughter again. She was barely nine months.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I perceive others clearly. I realize when someone is suffering and they don't show it. I know when someone lies and when someone doesn't tell the truth. I feel much more sensitive towards the animals, I can't see them suffer, I love nature much more, and I love the animals. I love people that are near me, in spite of whether they have been able to hurt me, I don't feel this bitterness or feed hatred. I gave up focusing on the negative and always try to live more positively. That isn't only what I say, it's that which others have told me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The love the fulfillment and the ecstasy that I felt on seeing these amazing visions. I live to see them again.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have spent a lot of time in order to share it completely. At first I shared small parts. I didn't feel much understanding. People saw me as if I had had a dream. I tried to research with priests, pastors, theologians, psychologists, and I never received any help. Finally one year later, when I knew that I had been ‘dead’ or had been in a state of cardiac arrest and had stopped breathing, I began sharing it without a second thought or a doubt. Now I am writing a book but I need help, but now, this is occurring, I realize that you are helping me finally sewing up the last threads to completion. I have had an NDE and it was amazing, I want to share it, only I don't have the WORDS.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I read a book many years ago. But it wasn't like that which I had experienced. Then a year ago I decided to write my complete story, including my NDE and then only two weeks ago I had the curiosity to read much more on the subject. I have been writing the book for a year and it was only today, that I found this webpage and I am fascinated.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real The experience was probably real. I knew that something had happened but not finding someone to talk to, who would understand me, I felt very isolated, and began to doubt it. It was a year later that they told me what had happened, that I confirmed that that which I had experienced had in fact occurred.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I saw life differently, but I thought that it was only due to my suffering in the hospital, but no, the angels and my NDE were so real that nowadays I have no doubt.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes When I meditate a lot. I am able to find this peace that I experienced that time. I am able to feel this harmony and it fills me totally with joy.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I would like to be able to find adequate words to describe the feeling and the sensations of that day. It lives in my mind, as if it was yesterday, but I don't have the words. I would like help.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Nothing comes to mind at the moment, only I would like it to have been in person. I am better using the spoken word.