My grandmother, Josephine, who was full German and spoke broken English, was very spiritual and loving. I always had a close relationship with her growing up as she had a great sense of humor and I enjoyed her antics. As Josie aged, she placed herself in a nursing home in Missouri and whenever I came home from Texas to visit, I would visit her there. Each visit my heart became very heavy with sadness and I so wished I had the capacity to care for her. My sadness was never expressed between the two of us, for I felt it would magnify her sadness. she was very depressed living there since her acuity level was high.
This experience began as I slept. Initially in the ‘dream,’ I felt emotionally a strong surge of sadness come over me to the point I began crying. I woke up very distraught and looked at the bedside clock showing 2:58 am. I lay back down and comforted myself and drifted back to sleep. Or so I thought. Next thing I know, I am standing outside the nursing home where Josie lived. The most beautiful golden light was shining above. I was in amazement as I looked at the trees and the light emitting from every leaf. It was autumn. The colors had a vibrancy and brilliance never seen on earth. Next, I heard my grandmother's voice. ‘This place is not-ting but corridors!’ My heart again felt so heavy and I told her I understand and I am so sorry! I did not see her physically, but felt her next to me. She then told me she was’ leaving’ and wanted to tell me how much she loved me. Instantly, I felt what she meant and understood the Light. I stood in awe. Everything conveyed was telepathic and was felt in emotion more than the words. The love exuded was felt full bodied and it was all-consuming. I ‘said’ I love you, and then turned to my right where I felt she was. This is when she appeared in the most luminous white light. Cloud-like white surrounded her and she was smiling radiantly, appearing much younger, and wearing the most beautiful ‘velvet looking’ royal blue long dress. She moved towards me and though I never saw her reach for me, I felt her wrap herself around me and I closed my eyes. The light was so bright. I knew then she was leaving.
When I reopened my eyes, I was looking at the clock and it was 3:03 am. I woke my husband up and told him I dreamt grandmother died and she came to say goodbye. I felt very moved by the ‘dream,’ and had difficulty going back to sleep. Later that morning, I awoke at 7 am and still felt unsettled and could not shake the feeling Josie was gone. I waited until 8:30 am to finally call home to Missouri to speak with my mother. My littlest sister answered the phone and was crying. I asked her what was wrong. Mother took the phone and gently told me Josie had become ill yesterday afternoon and been brought to the hospital. My mother told me she had died in her arms with the nuns present. Momma said she actually saw a thin white mist rise above the bed. The nun told my mother that Josie had passed away. Mom specifically told me it was 3:03 am when she was pronounced dead.
I then told Mom why I had called and shared my experience. I was in a state for many days following this experience where I felt outside reality and like I was observing Life. The light, the images and love were more real to me than my own life. The whole event was more real to me than everyday life. I did not want to be here anymore and wanted to go back. This longing of wanting to go home has never left me all these years. I flew back home for the funeral and the casket was open for viewing. As I looked at Josie, I absolutely knew what remained was a vessel. There was sadness for those left behind. For Josie, death ceased to exist. From this gift, I know there is afterlife and we are spiritual beings. I know we each have a journey in this existence. I know there is a Divine intelligence/energy that each one of us belongs to. I know love is all that remains and is everything. The difficulty is remembering this in all my thoughts, actions, and intentions. Still I know to strive for the Light.