I was in hospital with a kidney infection. I can remember bits of the hospital but nothing before. My parents say that I was sick for a week. They thought I just had a fever or something until I started getting really hot, so they took me to the hospital. I remember when it happened though, with such clarity. There were cold bars against my back and whatever I was sitting on was hard, I was leaning over, holding myself. The pain in my abdomen was so hot; it felt like I was swimming in it. I remember seeing a woman lean over me. She was a nurse I think, maybe a doctor. But her face began to warp in my vision and slowly the room faded into darkness.
Things came flying at me from the darkness, a giant clock, and a big butterfly that flew through me. I don't know how long this lasted, it could have been hours or seconds. Soon, a light appeared in the distance and the pain began to fade. Everything stopped and just became peaceful as the light became larger and nearer until it enveloped everything. I could see everywhere, but it was just white light.
There was no floor or anything, but I just knew I had to walk towards where the light had begun. I could hear my footsteps, proper footsteps not toddler shuffling, so maybe they weren't my footsteps but I've always thought of them as my footsteps. I couldn't hear anything else or smell or taste, but the light was so bright and vivid.
I came to a stop when I saw a little boy in front of me. I did not know who he was at the time, but he has followed me since in my dreams, claiming to be my twin. I am unsure of this. All I know is that my mother lost my twin early in in pregnancy. The boy told me to cross over the threshold. The threshold was invisible but I somehow knew it was there. He said it'd be nice. Every part of me longed to join him.
I wanted to be a part of that peacefulness forever, but as I stood there, making my decision, I heard the scene at the hospital as if from afar. I heard my mother crying. I knew I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. So, I hurried back down the tunnel of light without walls or a floor. As I got back to the hospital, however, the light tunnel snapped shut behind me.
I cannot remember much of what happened after, only snatches. But as I grew up, it seemed like a dream. I still think it might be a dream, but it's just too vivid and too real. As I got older, the more I tried to think about it, I found myself facing a 'wall'. I literally saw a wall in my mind's eye. It was good for a while, not thinking about it, and just seeing the wall. But the wall began to crack when my grandfather died and I looked out of his hospital window to see a beam of bright light coming through the clouds. It was not as bright as the tunnel, but still quite bright. The wall crumbled soon after, when I was 8 years old. Since then, I've just been living with it.
Date NDE Occurred: 2001
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Only at the end, did I feel separated from my body, when I could hear the lady, either a nurse or doctor, injecting me and my mother crying. That was when I left and went back to my body to say goodbye to my mother. I clearly left my body and existed outside it.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It sort of felt like when you’re tired and put your head in a cold shower. The light was so bright it pushed away all my pain and worries, making me just focus on the now.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Walking through the tunnel of light. The tunnel was so peaceful, but it was so real and vivid, like it was overloading my senses.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time didn't seem to be an issue at all, I was just there. I have no idea how long it took.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was heightened. The light was incredibly light, the dark incredibly dark: even the colors of the objects flying at me, even though they were in the dark, seemed really bright.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the darkness, my hearing was overwhelmed with the noise of the things flying at me, it was deafening. As soon as the light came, however, there was complete silence except for my footsteps.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My supposed twin who was never born. In the tunnel of light, he was on the other side of the invisible threshold, obviously in death.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Unearthly light; a light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The vastness of the light, the fact there were no floors, or walls. Yet, I was walking on something that made footsteps; the vividness, my mature thoughts and the fact I could see all around me, not just in front, made it seem like another place. Also, I had to walk there from the hospital and walk back.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt extreme fear and then extreme peacefulness. A high clarity of thought. For a toddler, in hindsight they seem pretty stupid thoughts, like most memories of childhood. But in the tunnel of light I seemed much smarter and more mature.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain Things seemed boundless but I knew if I crossed a certain point I'd be properly dead.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I just wanted to nip back to life to say goodbye to my mum, but was stuck in life when I got back and the tunnel closed.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Unknown
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain I was too young to understand any of that.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was two, had been baptized, but the extent of my religion was looking at baby Jesus in the manger and mixing up all the figurines names and occupations,
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify The boy, who claims to be my twin, spoke to me, but his mouth did not move, I merely heard his voice. Although he was a toddler, his speech was very refined.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes My twin brother was never born, he was miscarried, so he theoretically isn't dead,he was just never alive. And yet he was in my experience.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I walked to the pace of my experience but I don't know how.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? I am uncertain if God exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes My supposed twin brother (who is dead) was there. And also, past threshold that I did not cross seemed to be some other, entirely different place again, it was a little bp blurry beyond the threshold.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Unknown
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes My twin brother wanted me to join him.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? I do not know much before my experience to compare to, but I can compare myself to others. I am a much more open thinker than anyone I have ever met. I am not set in my beliefs of truth and reality and can understand and accept there being multiple truths to one thing. I care a great deal about the innocent people in this world and take it upon myself to look after them and deliver them peacefully to death when the time comes. But I am not a soft person. I refuse to cry, or mourn, give up or let anything get to me. I find it incredibly difficult to trust people. I do not know much before my experience to compare to, but I can compare myself to others. I am a much more open thinker than anyone I have ever met. I am not set in my beliefs of truth and reality and can understand and accept there being multiple truths to one thing. I care a great deal about the innocent people in this world and take it upon myself to look after them and deliver them peacefully to death when the time comes. But I am not a soft person. I refuse to cry, or mourn, give up or let anything get to me. I find it incredibly difficult to trust people.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Too young notice a change. I get irritated at atheists, though.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's not really anything like this world, so to explain it to someone who wasn't there is nearly impossible.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I imagine I can hear things sometimes, memories of people that aren't there. Usually these are the extremes of emotions. It's fading as I get older.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Eight or so years after, when I was about ten, I started thinking that maybe it wasn't a dream. Mostly my family/friends either pass it off as pain hallucinations, nothing to worry about or get confused and ignore it.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definately not real I don't really remember, but as a young child I always thought it was a dream.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real It felt real. It could have been anything: hallucination, pain or something else, but really, even if it was a dream, it was a reality a dream, so on some levels, it's bound to be real, it just depends on your concept of reality.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I was put under an anesthetic for operation and went through the 'darkness' again, with all the same things flying at me. I didn't go into the light though. Unlike my experience, under the anesthetic, time seemed to go really fast.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? The wall I put up to stop myself remembering my experience, I don't know how when or why I did it or how it cracked.